Harry the Spider

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a silly poem which I hope people will enjoy. When we needed an excuse to have a works doo, celebrating the huge spider we found in the warehouse seemed to be the only answer! Featuring nearly all the names of my work colleagues to boot,I certainly had fun reading this one out in the local pub! I'm petrified of spiders so I couldn't even upload a cartoon picture of one to use as the cover! Hehe

Submitted: May 23, 2016

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Submitted: May 23, 2016

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Harry's coming out party

 

I hate spiders, sad fact, but true

And in my life I've squished a few

A few too many, to be sure

But well! If they will waltz through my door!

 

But I digress, you see, one day I got a job,

A humble one inside a shop

I work days, and sometimes nights

And at first this was alright

 

But then there came that awful month

When all the spiders seem to come

And hide indoors maybe from the cold

I'm not sure, who cares? Who knows?

 

But once, when I walked through the door

A gigantic hairy leg a saw

I knew at once just what it was

So I screamed and ran to get my boss

 

And Jane and Phil came with a hammer

With me trailing slowly after

Giving soft encouragement

Like kill it now! Its head I want!

Then in a squeak we heard "Please spare my life,

And in a corner I will hide,

I never usually intrude,

I'm very sorry if I seemed rude."

 

A voice so faint and so high pitched

Like a child slightly under six

"Aww look" said Jane "he's only lickle,

His legs so spindly and so brittle,

We can't kill him, we'll go to hell"

"It's ok" I said , "we'll say just he fell"

The look I got said shut your mouth

And so I did and turned around

 

The spider watched with expectation

Whilst Phil pondered the situation

Then he asked "What is your name?"

"And have you friends like you the same?"

The spider shifted its eight legs,

Then "My name is Harry", it finally said

"And as for friends, none that I know about,

Unless the flies that I eat count"

 

I felt a tear well in my eye

But for a spider I won't ever cry

So we stood in silence and reflected

While different squashing actions, I perfected

Then Jane exclaimed, "I know what we'll do!

We'll have a party just for you"

"But it's not my birthday said Harry."

 "Oh that's ok,

It's your coming out party we'll say."

"I'll be great; you'll make lots of friends,

That way we can make amends"

"We'll tell Jane Dilley to bring the kids",

"Kids"!  Said Harry, "I'll get squished"

"Nah", said Jane, "You'll be fine"

The way Mothers do when children whine

 

So from that day, to be it was

A party for him just because,

He was so small, with brittle legs

But I'd still prefer that he were dead!

 

So, for his big day I plotted

A way to get his eight legs splotted

A colleague I entrusted with this job

A lively boy by the name of Rob

Who apparently entrusted Mozz

Who then in turn had told Maria

And then who knew I've no idea

Hence as his big night came around

It seemed the whole village looked to hunt him down

 

We decided we would meet at Jane's

Have a drink and play some games

We even bought him a balloon

And sang a ditty of a tune

But when everyone had had two rounds

Nowhere could he be found

We checked our shoes

And down our tops

Even underneath the table cloth

 

But he wasn't there, so we all spread out

How much we helped, I have some doubt

To all who knew my plan I said,

Who ever finds him first, make sure he's dead!

 

I caught sight and then I thought "Oh blast"

As Pat ran cooing with a glass

She scooped him up, then said, "Wait a sec,

This spider's only got six legs"

We soon realised this was not Harry

Apparently, her name was Clarry

 

Now one spider that was enough

Two just, kinda' seemed unjust

Then Valerie ran in and said,

"It's ok he isn't dead"

She held him out upon her hand

Clearly not what I had planned

She cried, "Oh how we feared that you'd been squished"

Whilst Clarry whispered, "What a dish"

 

They both stared on like star crossed lovers

Ignorant of all us others

And as we walked down to the pub

So clear was it, they were in love,

That I no longer felt so enraged

And they announced they were engaged

I had many a settling thought

As each of us walked and talked

 

So when we'd all got to the pub

And had eventually, ordered all the grub

I set Harry down upon the bar

To apologise before things went too far

I even offered him a drink

He asked for beer, I had gin I think

After moments we had sorted out

Everything and I don't doubt

That brilliant friends, we could have been

If only what happened next, could have been foreseen

 

I had turned, to look at where we were sat

And heard the barman say, "£6.50 for that"

I had paid him, and had then asked Harry

"Should I take you back to Clarry?"

Yet Harry then I could not see

So at the table, I thought he must be

But as I lifted up his glass

I dropt it and was left aghast

For there was Harry, in the dregs

Eight squashed and twitching little legs

 

It seemed the barman had failed to notice

As he placed the drinks upon his coasters

A spider sat upon the bar

Looking wistfully at his love afar.

 

To our table I dashed back

Fearful that I get the sack

I told them all, to all their shock

But we swore he'd never be forgot

So it's in his honour, that here we're sat

And though we'll never bring him back

Harry we will always remember

Every year sometime near September

This year we've even made balloons

And I'm sure there will be others soon

But this ain't a tear that's in my eye,

Cause for a spider I won't never cry.


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