Campus Rape (part 2)

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
In this part I tell you about my experience at Millcreek community hospital in there Mental ward. The only reason why I was sent to the mental hospital because I was raped on Edinboro's Campus

Submitted: May 31, 2016

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Submitted: May 31, 2016

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 On September 27,2014, I was walking out of the student center with dinner. I saw my rapist walking on the side walk. He looked at me and I ran over to my dorm across the street. He saw me go into my dorm. He now knows where I live. I got to my room and put dinner away. I was to depressed to eat. I was taking out my trash when I saw my RA sitting in the common room. I sat down next to her.“Hello Jordan.” “Hello, Amber.” “Jordan, can I talk to you about something?” “ Sure, Amber” “ I saw my rapist coming back from the student center.” “ Where was he?” “ He was walking on the sidewalk. I was coming out from the student center. I saw him and he saw me. He saw me come into my dorm.” “ What was he wearing?” “Gray beater, gray sweatpants, white shoes” “What did he look like?’” “Brown shaggy hair, Brown eyes, 170, 6 feet.” “ Amber, If you need anything call, text and or come to my room.” 

I walked back to my dorm room. I got my drawing stuff and walked back out to the common room. I was drawing and watching TV. I texted Jordan at 2 am. She did not answer. I was up all night. I did not sleep. I did laundry and played pool at 5 am. I walked back up to my dorm room. I just stared at the ceiling. I grabbed my cell phone. I text Jordan “hello.”She texted back “hey there.” I texted back telling Jordan that I wanted to hurt myself. She asked me “Why was I feeling that way?” A few minutes there was a pound at the door. I walked out of my room and anwered the door. I walked out the door. “Hello, Can I help you?” “Does Amanda live her?” “No, Im Amber.” “ That is who I am looking for. Sorry it came over the radio wrong.” “We got a call about you wanting to hurt yourself. Were you talking to anyone about waanting to hurt yourself?” “Yes, I was talking to my RA, Jordan.” “Why do you want to hurt yourself?” “Because I was raped on campus.” “ Have you filed a report and rape kit?” “Yes, the police havent done anything.” “ Can I take you to the station?” “Yes, we can go to the station.” 
We started downstairs and we took the elevator. We when outside and he put me in the backseat. We rode to the police station. We got out and the officer put me into the room in the back that was the conference room. I sat down and he offered me something to drink. I accepted and he got me a can of pop. He said that we were waiting for Crisis to show up. The officer and I were having a talking about myself. I also explained myself a little bit more. The Crisis worker comes in. We sat and she asked me what was going on. I told her everything that is going on. She and the officer alked into the hall. The officer came back in and starts to talk to me. “ Amber, the Crisis worker said you are a cutter and that you have cutted in the last few days. Can you show me?” “ Sure” I pulled up my sleeve and he saw the deep cuts. “ Amber, You can go to the hospital volunteerly or involunteerly. One way or another you are going to the hospital.” I when volunteerly. I think it was the easier way to go.  
We all got into the car. We were on the way up to the hospital. It took us about 30 to 45 minutes to get up to the hospital. We finally got up to the hospital. We walked into the ER. I walked up to the nurse. I filled out the paperwork and waited for the doctor to call me back. An assisstance took me back and took my blood pressure and temp. They took me into a back room.
There is a girl that is sitting in the ER. She is waiting for the bed that awaits her in the psyc hospital. She is seeing if she is to wait to be transferred to a different hospital. Where will she end up? Will she go to ohio or new york or will she stay in Pennsylvania. She doesnt know. The only thing that she does know is that she will have this new experience.
She waits for the doctor. She kepts waiting for the doctor. The doctor finally comes in after what it feels like forever. The doctor and i started talking. Doctor,"the nurse caught me up on what is going on. Can you tell me a little bit more of what is going on?" 
I took a breathe. " i was here because i was talking to my RA that i wanted to hurt myself. She was asking how i felt. There is a knock on my door. A police office is at my door and they are taking me to the station. They are asking me about is going on. Then crisis comes and asks me more questions about how i wanted to hurt myself. Then i had to go to the hospital volunteerly or involunteerly.i when volunteerly. I took him the reason i was here is because i was raped on campus and i couldn't take the pain anymore. I have been raped before. 
The doctor looked at me and said you're not crazy. He said you have 3 options. Option 1- dont hurt yourself and stay with a friend .option 2 be transferred to a different hospital with open beds. Option 3 wait here in the ER until a bed opens up.I picked the 2nd option.
I  was not strong enough to save safe. The doctor said that it would take a while. So I put both chair together and made a bed. I put my button up pollo over my arms. I closed my eyes and started to dream. Next thing I knew i was being woke up by the nurse.  She told me to pee in a cup and that she wanted to take blood. I when and did my business in the bathroom. Came out and i start to panic because i don't like needles. She took 4 tubes of blood. She turned around and she left. I laid back and closed my eyes and started to dream. Something woke me up. I started to wake up again and another nurse brought me papers that i need to sign. I signed them. She told me that i was being transferred to meadville hospital. The pych doctor down there has to give the ok. After the doctor does that. She has to get me there. The EMT were probably going to take me down. I tried to go back to sleep. But I did not and for some reason something was keeping me up.
Now the plans of her travels to meadville have been changed. She will stay here in erie. She fell asleep again. Only to be woken up to having to do another pee sample for more tests. She came back into her room of to chairs pulled together. She laid under her blankets. She turned onto her side. She fell asleep. This was alot more comfrontable then laying on her back. She fell back to sleep. Only to be woke up again to the lady bring her breakfast. Breakfast was cereal, milk, coffee and a muffin. I put the tray on the floor next to me. I just laid on the chairs. There is anothet knock at the door it is the breakfast lady. She told my tray and said not very hungry. I knodded yes at her amd she left. Now i am just laying here waiting for a bed to open up.
Then another lady came into give my cloths that i have to change into. A pair of pants hospital robe and a jacket and,sock.  These cloths are very comfortable. I wonder that are they going to do with my stuff. How long will I be here? Whats going to happen to me? The lady told me to follow her. We when up to the mental ward. The lady put me in the exam room. Then she left. Another nurse came in and asked if there were any cuts that need to be looked and taken care of. I told her no. She asked why I was here. I told her that I was suicidal and a cutter. We filled out more paper work. Then she showed me where I would sleep. Then she showed me the dining room/ activity room. 
I started to walk around. On every window there was a cage. No one could get out of this floor unless they were discharged. I saw the doctors office. I was exploring and walking around. This is just a circle. I walked to the front desk. I asked a guy named Eric for a pencil and paper. I turned and walked to my room. A nurse tapped me on the shoulder and said there are no pencils in the rooms. I looked at her im sorry I didn’t know. I walked in the activity room and picked a table near the window. I sat down and started drawing the word rape in circle over and over again. I didn’t really talk to people until dinner. 
There was these people who sat down next to me. They were talking about the place and why that they were here. I looked up from my drawing and said why I was here. I think I was very brave. Then I was talking to a  guy named Chris. He was one of the staff members there. I explained why I was there. He said that I should tell someone. Then he said does anyone like your mom. I said no. He kept telling me that I should tell my mom. I was crying in my arms. I stopped crying. A white male came over and he looked at picture. He said that he liked it. He said I am Matt. I said I am Amber. He asked why I was here and I replied because of Suicide and cutting. He said that he was homicide when I asked him the same question. 
I told him a lot about myself where I grew up, where I when to high school, college and what I wanted to study. I found out that he was marine and he got injured in war. I found out that he wanted to kill all the evil people in the world. I thought is was really cool. He even wanted to go find my rapist and kill him. That made me smile. That made me feel really good. It also made me feel good to have someone believe me. At 10 minutes to 11 I started to cry. At 11 was bed time. I was scared to go to sleep with fear of being hurt/ raped at night. Matt called after me. I went and laid down. I when back out of my room to the dinning room. I was looking for Matt to say sorry. He wasn’t there. I grabbed tissues from the box and I walked about back to my room.
I was laying in the opposite part of the bed it made me feel cooler. I had a big headache. There was a man name Jim asked of I was alright. I told him no. There is a staff member that comes around about every 5 minutes. They open the door and all you here is the click from the door. I heard that most of the night. I finally fell asleep. Then something jolts me awake and there is a assissant at my bed. I looked out the window and looked at him and said the sky is so pretty. He looked out and said yes. He put a band around my arm and clean a spot and took 5 tubes of blood from me. (A great way to be woking up.) 
After that I fully woke up and when to the bathroom. I walked out of my room and down to the dinng room.  I was sitting there making around picture that started with rape. It kept going around and around. I was putting the different colors on it. I walked over and sat next to a guy who was wearing an Edinboro shirt. “Hello?” “Hello, My name is Scott.” “My name is Amber. I go to Edinboro. Do you work at Edinboro?” “Yes, I work in student affairs.” “ I am here because I was raped on campus and I wanted commit suicide.” I was talking about what happened. Scotts react was unbelievable. He was my Staff member for September 30,2014. I was called into the Doctors office. I was looking for Matt. I found him by his room. “Hey Matt.” “Hey Amber” “ Matt, I wanted to say sorry for the way reacted last night. I was scared to go to bed. I was scared to sleep here.” “ No problem, Amber.”
The doctor looked at my file. He asked what was going on. I looked at him and explained everything from being raped to seeing him on campus to talking about my emotions and problems like PTSD, ADHD, depression and my lack of sleep. He put me on higher medication and said that he was not discharging me today. He said maybe tomorrow. I walked back into the dinning room I found Scott and told him what the doctor said. He was happy. I when to group therapy and it was about what we do to calm down. I said going out said calms me down. She laughed and said that is not possible. After group I when back to drawing after group. Then I decided it was time to go and get a shower. The water was freezing. I quickly got washed up and changed into fresh cloths. My hair was wild because I did not have a brush. After the shower, I started on my homework and my roommates came to see me. I interviewed Matt for my english project.
I started reading the book for my SEDU class. I was playing connect 4 with Matt. He won most of the games. But I didn’t care because I was having fun with Matt. Matt and I walked around the floor. We walked over 50 laps. This was about 5 miles. I took my med when I normal do at my dorm room. Matt and I kept walking and talking. They let us stay up until 11:30pm. Then we had to go to bed. All I was thinking of was the Highlands and my dorm room and my friends. I slept real well that night. Someone woke me up about 7:30am. I got up and walked down to breakfast. I filled out my card. Then I was just looking for Matt. He came in and sat somewhere else. I confronted him last. He said that he did not see me. 
I was called by the social worker. We walked into a room with a table. We sat there and he was talking about the different help when I got out of the hospital. Then when we were done we walked out. I walked down to the dinning room. Group just started we were playing wii bowling. I beat 3 old people in bowling. Then I when back to drawing. Matt was discharged. Then around noon. I was discharged. Matt was nice enough to take me back to campus. 
When I got back to campus I got real food and talked to my academic advisor. Then I walked back to my dorm When I was walking on campus I was thinking that I was going to run into my rapist. I was sitting there sitting. After I was done I when and got a hot shower. Then I when to Walmart and tried getting my meds. I was having trouble getting my medication. Matt took me back to Walmart to get them. I got them. I went and crawled into my bed. I was staring at my ceiling. I closed my eyes and I was waiting for the clicking sound as I tried to sleep. Click Click. Click………………

 


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