I don't know

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 01, 2016

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Submitted: June 01, 2016

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A A A


She was spinning but not in organization. No, she was spinning up,down, left, right. In all directions.

She fell no matter which direction she spun in.

Time kept moving forward. Without a care for her direction.
 
Knowing, but not being able to do.
Not-knowing, but wanting to do.
 
Constraints, openings, failures.
 
Is life suppose to be like this? 
 
Confusion.
With no perfect answers.
 
1+1=2
It is exact?
 
The thing she knows for sure, she grasps and must keep trying to hold onto. Heart & soul & mind agree.
The thing not hard to hold onto is doubtful at times. Her heart is in agreement, but mind and soul are still in discussion.
99.999% of her heart says trust and let go. But her mind & soul chirp a .001% and say wait. Think. Guard your heart. Take caution here.
 
Caution.
Caution.
Constraint.
Un-knowing.
 
Refusal, stubbornness, not wanting any more cautions nor constraints. Hard to listen. 99.999%  are pretty good odds if the heart says so right? Finally something known and grasped, easy to hold onto.
 
She asks, can she stay in this world?  In this thought? That lets her have certainty and know for sure of love? 
 
She does not want to go back to the spinning world of scribbles. 
She needs 1+1 to equal 2.
She needs the order, the security, the finality.
 
Not the empty pursuits, wisps of air.
Things that are only guessed at by two things:
 
1.Knowing, but not being able to do.
2.Not-knowing, but wanting to do.
 
Stubborn, prideful. Lost in a falling confusion. With a timer before I hit the ground. 


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