Bluebells

LeParadisNoirPoetique

I am not a fan of romance stories, but I am a fan of yours, so I will not use excuses to not read this. Reading the description, it seems that this will not be a typical romance story, and I find your spin on this to be great, like a snakes hiss.
One is a believer, one is a skeptic, and that is a great balance, because it gives a reason for me to invest in these characters, and I kinda want to see how their thoughts turn out. The quote at the beginning was a nice touch, and gives a them of what the story is about.
Reading about the characters, you can understand why Bethany is the skeptic about love, because she isn't popular, and people seem to pick on her, so I actually buy it why she would think like that. For Abraham, he took the lead of being the parent looking after him and his sister, so he will believe that love will always come to every person, so I feel you have two characters who are the opposite of each other, and it's great to see you do it this way, so here is a magic hat.
I can see your writing style of The Rapture here, and also a elegant clear style, so it's a lush balance, and your vocabulary, imagery and descriptions are so beautiful, and for your age you seriously are a talent. You have a realism about the environments of the two different characters here, and you portray it better than I ever could in this genre. This genre is something I refuse to write in, and this is a great opening chapter.

sslade

I love the amount of detail you used as well as the descriptions you provided. It is so different from anything else I have read. It sounds like it is going to be a great story! The only suggestion I have is the one that I made note of in the chapter. Otherwise, I would not change anything. I cannot wait to read more.

BrieBlakmyre

Excellent description and metaphors. I particularly like your first line. It packs a punch without being overly intense or dramatic. It sets the tone of a romance, well. I also believe that you have unique character dynamics for a romance story and your name choice is unusual enough to make them stand out. I'll be sure to read more!

SuzanneE

I really like your style of writing. You use a great mix of metaphors, similes, descriptions, etc. I just noticed as I was reading I had a bit of trouble getting into a flow or a rhythm of the plot. Not sure if this is just how I read it or what but I might recommend working on smoother transitions between scenes. Again, this is a very interesting plot that I'm sure will draw a lot of readers. -Suz