Isabel II

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
And what is your reason for living?

Submitted: June 11, 2016

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Submitted: June 11, 2016

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Is it easy to honestly admit to yourself that your whole life is a failure? That you are a failure?

Does it take long to realise that everything you do is wrong? That you are wrong?

How much time do you need to finally stop deceiving yourself, to stop pretending?

 

“What do I live for? Do I really have to live?” Those questions came to mind, when I was 8.

And it’s fascinating because even now, being a little bit older and more experienced, I still can’t find the correct answers.

During all these years, everything has changed. I’ve met those who told me how to live. They brought me a mask and put it on my face. Chained and locked in their cages, I was doing what they wanted. Politely, carefully, meekly. Yet, I was screaming silently and aimlessly begging for help. But as always nobody was there. Or nobody wanted to be there. People just like hiding and pretending. It’s like a game for them. They pretend that they don’t see, don’t hear, don’t feel. And the most indifferent one, wins. Fair play, isn’t it?

But that’s ok.  I understand. Besides,  I am not used to receiving a help. It’s a rare phenomenon in my life, so let’s just leave it here.

And I’ve encountered difficulties which only  proved how small and weak I am. I realised how hard it is for me to achieve something meaningful or  to be satisfied with my work and life. Eventually,  I understood that I even have difficulties with being just myself. Without that creepy mask, which changes automatically to adjust to a certain situation or different people.

Sometimes, even I can’t tell whether it’s my face or still a disguise. That's why I wonder if I will be able to see my real self again. Will I be able to accept it, to like it?


© Copyright 2017 makowska. All rights reserved.

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