Just this once

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
a poem based on a few true events.

Submitted: June 18, 2016

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Submitted: June 18, 2016

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I want a manager

I want a free gift card or I’m never shopping here again!

I can do that for you, but just this once.

 

I'm in a hurry; I demand you open a new check lane for me!

So sorry about that, although there are other customers ahead of you, I will make an exception (because you are a special little snowflake) just this once.

The price was partially obscured! I demand you let me pay 9.99 for a 59.99 item!

That is not really our policy or even the law, but I’m going to make an exception just this once.

 I don't want to walk to the returns desk; I demand you let me do a return at this register.

Usually we require you do returns at the returns desk (hence the name) but just this once, I will walk the item up stairs, do the return then walk the receipt back to you.

I want-

To leave my cart in the middle of a parking space.

To degrade my fellow human beings without repercussion.

To stand in the middle of the aisle, wearing headphones because a web article said it would make me spend less money. And I’m pissed a stock room person with a hundred things so do had to resort to hitting me in the shins.

I want to shove the female janitor in to a sink, causing her to fracture her shoulder and eventually leave her job- because god damn it I need to pee, and didn’t want to ask politely.

Just this once, just doesn’t do it again.

I demand a cashier fix what I think is an error only after the receipt is already printed and her line is 20 carts long.

I demand to ask someone for help only when they are in a hurry, holding a toilet plunger, helping someone else, or cleaning up dog shit that someone drove their cart through.

I demand to know why only half the doors are automatic, why there is no butcher counter, why we have only one dressing room for both genders, why the store is understaffed because no one wants to apply.

I want a helicopter, a million dollars, a house in the Hamptons

I want a philosopher’s stone, internal life, the ability to resurrect the dead-ultimate power over this pathetic world!

ok, but just this once.


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