Hell Is My Mind

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A journal entry I wrote on May 26, 2016 when I was at the peak of my stress for beginning graduate school. I felt I might as well share it to give some insight into my stressful thinking process.

Submitted: June 22, 2016

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Submitted: June 22, 2016

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Nobody says that college is easy and means it, and if you catch someone speaking those words then know that they're lying.  College is one of the hardest challenges you will ever face, and you will probably be called nuts if you choose to continue your education after that hectic 4+ years of reaching to attain your Bachelor's--"primary college," if you will.  But there are people crazy enough to want to further their education more so, and that's when their strength of will is put to the test at a "secondary college" of their choice.  Graduate school, the land of harder, more thought-provoking work; and the place where the phrase "Failure is not an option" echoes through your mind with every assignment and bump of your overall grade.  The thought alone is enough to scare some students off.

For me, I feel sick every time I think of my inability to be the perfect student and how that affects me.  I'm not just affected academically.  My personal life suffers just as much from poor self-care to a rejection of items and actions that are deemed as necessities by the rest of the world, but I don't see them as such.  Because in my mind, nothing is more important than trying to be the student that everyone can be proud of, the student everyone admires and comes to for ideas.  Nothing else matters--chores, self-gratification, sleep--all insignificant because they pull me away from what is most important.

Academics.  No school means no job; no job means no money; no money means no way of life.  No way of life...well, I might as well just be dead.  The question is:  How do I know I'm not already dead?


© Copyright 2017 Dani Raines. All rights reserved.

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