Save Me || Yoonmin

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
"I was trapped in this cage of torment and all I ever did is to need you, long for you, miss you. And you weren't even there."

Submitted: June 25, 2016

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Submitted: June 25, 2016

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PART 1

I've always wanted to get rid of these monsters living inside me, in my head, in my mind. They're waiting for a perfect timing.

Waiting for me to give in until they finally get the chance to swallow the whole me, cut off the remaining hope inside me, replace the real me and supersede this faint light with pitch-black darkness.

"Yoongi hyung..."

They want to win over me and it seems like I can't fight anymore. I just feel like taking a break from everything.

"Yoongi hyung, please."

I suddenly felt a warm, tepid arms wrapped itself around my neck, as if it's embracing me with comfort.

"Everything's gonna be alright, okay? I'm here..."

His voice.

"I'm here..." He repeated with a low, soft sob.

Just then I realized I'm holding a knife, making me lose a grip on it as I snap back to my senses.

"Jimin." I whispered.

I felt his arms tighten around me as he bury his face to my shoulders.

"Hyung, I'm... scared." He said almost whispering as he try his best to stop himself from crying.

There were a few stains of blood in my hands and on the knife I was holding. I don't feel hurt or anything. I must've had-

I immediately grabbed his shoulders and faced him to me. He winced a bit before looking down to hide the wound on his right cheek. I then noticed his shoulder bleeding just right where I placed my hand. He even hid his bleeding arm behind him.

"I... I did this, right?" I said.

He tried to reach for my hand but I've already took a few steps away from him even before he could reach it.

"Hyung no-"

I rested my back against the wall as I brush my hair in frustration. Flooded with thoughts and extreme feeling of uptightness, I found myself on the floor, weeping.

I don't know what to do anymore. Everything's messed up. I'm not getting better, I'm only getting worse.

"Please don't blame yourself. It wasn't you."

"Didn't I tell you to stay away from me?" I said.

"But-"

"Jimin." I stared at him.

I am my own monster. He has to get rid of me.

"Please. Stay away from me, do everything to avoid me. Leave me alone." I felt my chest tightened upon saying those words to him.

My own words pierced me.

"Hyung... I can't." He replied in a low, shaky voice.

"You want to help, right?" I asked him. He's hesitant whether to nod or not but he did, anyway.

"Then do it..."

"Do it for me, Jimin."

This is the only way I know to protect him. With all these shits inside me, I might hurt him more than what I've done this time.

To hurt him is the last thing I would do.

I want him safe...

And I'll keep him safe even if it means pushing him away from me.

PART 2

"...smile because you deserve it."

I don't even know how everything started. I just woke up one day and realized I wanted him to stay. His touch, his smiles, the way he talk and laughs... I want it to remain the same whatever happens. Who would want him to change when every little thing about him is almost perfect?

The way his cold eyes stare at me providing a warm, comfortable feeling feels strange at first. How is it even possible for something cold to provide warmth? I also don't know, but he made it possible. Meeting Min Yoongi is indeed, magical.

"Stop crying, you look ugly."

"Ah, jjinja. Instead of teasing, you must be comforting me you-"

"I'm complimenting you. It means if you stop crying, you'll look better. Get up, there's no much time to waste crying over some shit."

"Wow. How could you be so mean."

"Because you're wasting your tears over something that doesn't even deserve them. Listen. You are Park Jimin. You can do better, you can be better. Just keep trying, okay? Everything will be fine."

Min Yoongi's the type of person who can annoy and make you feel better at the same time. He's commonly mistaken as a coldhearted person with a thug-like attitude but-

Deep inside, Min Yoongi's a sweet, calm guy who loves sleeping a lot and loves to spend his time listening to music as his stress-relieving hobby.

"I'm totally opposite with you when stressed."

"How? And how do you even know I'm stressed."

"You see those dark circles around your eyes making you look like an old panda trapped in an island for about a hundred years?"

"That's a bit exaggerating but- yeah, and so?"

"When I'm stressed, I don't have those."

"Lol are you kidding me"

"No, and I suggest you this."

"Suggest what?"

"When something seems to bother you, don't think about it too much. You know, overthinking makes everything even worse. Keep calm, close your eyes, go to sleep and believe that tomorrow when you wake up, everything's gonna go back to normal."

"It works?"

"Put this left earphone on. I'm going to play a song and I want you to focus on the lyrics. It can help you feel better, you can thank me later."

Hyung... I really, really miss you. Can't we just go back being what we are back then and never change ever again?

Please, come back.

I need you.

Part 3

I hate seeing those tears. I've never wanted any of these.

I've only wished for you to happen, I've only wanted you in my life. I've only wanted you, me, us.

It wasn't supposed to end this way. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Remember when I used to tell you "Everything's gonna be fine." I keep on making myself believe the same thing too but no. I know it's never gonna be fine.

It's never gonna be fine even if I want to.

Remember when I promised "Whatever happens, I'll do everything to protect you." I'm sorry if I have to keep my promise this way, I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry if it must have to be like this and I'm sorry for letting you go.

I miss you.

Your touch, your kiss, your warmth, your comfort, your eyes. Everything about you, Jimin. I miss everything about you.

Remember when we used to say we'll fight together 'till the end? You've already reached this far, Jimin. It's time for you to take a rest, it's time for you to have a break...

And it's time for me to keep going.

Listen. It doesn't change the fact that I love you but I would rather suffer alone than get you into this shit.

Suga is getting stronger, Yoongi's getting weak. I'm afraid if- if he wins over me, he'll hurt you. I would rather kill him and die than hurt you with my own hands. I used to ask myself, if Suga can be stronger... why can't Yoongi?

I spent those years looking for answers. I've ran too far, I reached my limits. I almost give everything and nothing seems to work. Until I got tired of fighting, I got tired of trying. If someone wins, someone loses.

But if I lose, I knew I fought so hard to reach this far. I was strong and determined to fight just then I learned to accept the truth.

I think it's okay to lose, it's not always about winning.

I love you.

And I want you to promise me that whatever happens, remember that I will always love you.

Promise me, Jimin. Promise me.

Part 4

"Please. Stay away from me, do everything to avoid me. Leave me alone."

I can still feel the pain right here in my chest. It's been awhile, hyung. It's been awhile since the last time I heard your voice, desperately telling me to get rid of you.

The last time I saw you, the last time I embraced you, the last time I comforted you, the last time I spent a moment with you...

It's tragic.

Hyung, I've never really cared about what else are living inside you. Monsters, evil, demons? If staying close to you also means getting near them, then it's fine with me.

I promised to be with you, to fight with you. We promised to guard each others back.

We promised to stay.

Why would you want me to leave you? Why would you want me to break my promise?

Do you think letting me go, gives me freedom? You're wrong. I was trapped in this cage of torment and all I ever did is to need you, long for you, miss you. And you wasn't even there.

You need me to stay by your side, to fight with you, to cheer you up.

Hyung, you need me.

Everytime I look at Suga, all I see are eyes filled with despisement, loathe and hatred. But Yoongi's? I see love, innocence and purity.

Everytime Suga takes control over you, I see force and violence. But deep within those eyes, I know Yoongi's there...

Drowning, waiting for someone to drag him out of the water and wake his senses up.

When you say 'go' I know you want me to stay. When you say 'let go' I know you want me to hold on. When you say 'just leave me' I know you wanted to get saved when everything else is falling apart.

I've always wanted to save you, Yoongi hyung.

I just don't know how...

Part 5

I breathed heavily as I stare at my own reflection in a cracked mirror. Pulling my tears back, I hit the mirror once again with my bleeding fist, desperate to release the anger and strong emotions flooding over my head.

"I am Min Yoongi, not Suga." I whispered as I slowly give in, letting myself fall back.

The reflection in the mirror wasn't me. He's eager to win, he wants to own me, he can't wait to claim me, he's gonna make everyone around me suffer as much as I suffer under his control.

He can't dare fucking touch Jimin.

I can't just let him.

As I was about to leave the room, a loud screeching sound echoed through my ears making everything, including my own footsteps inaudible. I was trying so hard to reach for the doorknob when my head started to hurt as if a strong force is whacking it into pieces and I can't do anything but to brush my hair, trying to defeat the force rising inside my head with my own palm and force. I was breathing the thin air, I can hardly breathe. Blurred images are starting to flash in my mind until I can barely see anything-

I can't see anything but white.

Just when I thought I'm about to lose consciousness, someone stormed inside the room, panicking. It didn't took him long to make his way to me and immediately wrapped his arms around my nape like he always does.

Jimin.

"Yoongi hyung!"

I can feel his body shaking as he hold me tight, afraid of what might happen. These emotions inside me are driving me insane and I don't know how to react anymore.

Instead, with all my strength and force, I pulled him closer and hugged him tighter as I try my best to speak.

"Leave."

He immediately shook his head in response.

"I'm not gonna leave you again, hyung. Not this time."

Part 6

"I know this sounds silly but I really wonder what's inside your heart."

"Inside my heart?"

"Yes, inside your heart."

Back then, I never really knew the answer. I sometimes feel fine but most of the time, I feel empty. It seemed to me like something's missing and I don't even know what it was.

"A void."

...indeed, a void-

But you came and dared to enter. You stayed, slowly filling in between the gap and spaces with your own existence until I finally don't feel empty anymore. You completed me.

"Do you promise not to skip meal ever again?"

"Fine, I do. Can I kiss the bride already?"

"Hyung!"

"I was just kidding."

"Oh god."

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to go back and feel the same, old emptiness again. Now that I've tasted what being complete feels like, I don't ever wanna go back and have a glimpse of how miserable I was back then. Without someone to make me smile, cheer me up, without someone to stay by my side and embrace me with his sincere, warm comfort.

He stayed when everyone else had left me, he remained when everyone else disappeared. He became my friend, my buddy, my bestfriend.

He became someone special I couldn't afford to lose.

Living my whole life with doctors, psychiatrists and medicines is like living half-dead. It wasn't even helping.

Until one day, I just woke up and realized that I don't need those. I don't need someone to give me bunch of advices when I don't even understand a thing. I don't need medicines to make me feel better and I don't need people to tell me that they are my friend where in fact, they're just pitying over me. You know what I really need? A reason to keep going. I need someone to fight with me.

I need Jimin.

"Yoongi hyung..."

And Jimin alone.

Part 7

"Yoongi hyung..."

I snapped back to my senses the moment I heard him say my name. I found myself trapping him in the wall with a sharp knife on my hand, slightly touching the crook of his neck which made me put the knife away from him by putting my arm down.

"I knew it." He smiled.

I heaved a sigh as I bury my head on his right shoulder.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I'm sorry, Jimin..." I repeated, trying to pull back the tears but failed from doing so.

"Hyung, it wasn't your fault." He whispered back, just audible for the both of us to hear.

I took a deep breath before facing him.

"What did Suga told you?"

He stared at me for a moment before shifting his gaze away from my eyes.

"He'll put you to sleep forever and said that you can't do anything about it because he's stronger and you're getting weak each day." He replied.

"He's wrong."

Jimin plastered a confused look on his eyes and so I smiled.

"I'm stronger."

I leaned my face closer to his, until I can hear him breathing.

"Whatever happens, promise me to remember how much I love you."

"Hyung..."

"In return, I'm keeping my promise to protect you. I'll watch over you and make sure you're always safe."

"I can't understand... what do you mean?"

I smiled as I lock my gaze upon him.

"I love you."

I crashed my lips against him with tears rolling down my cheeks, kissing him passionately as I savour the remaining time I have to let him know how much I want him, how much I need him and how much I love him.

You're the most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my whole life and I hope you know that.

As he started to wrap his arms around my nape, I tightened my grip on the knife I was holding.

This would be the last time Suga can get near you. He won't hurt you, touch a single strand of your hair or even lay a single finger on you anymore. This way, you'll be safe and I won't be any longer bothered about what he might do to you.

Without me, he's nothing. And I'm strong enough to end it all here.

I'm sorry, Jimin.

I hugged him one last time and without breaking the kiss, I mouthed 'I love you' before thrusting the knife deep into my chest.

Forgive me.

PART 8

"Hyung." I looked at him as he look back at me with a smile on his face.

"What date is today? Well... I was just asking in case you didn't know, then maybe I'm right when I tell you I'm not stupid." I released a small chuckle before shifting into a more comfortable position.

"It's May 27. Time flew so fast, doesn't it? I didn't even notice." I paused.

"Oh, I remember! I got a lot of things to tell you so just listen to me, okay? You're too lazy to talk, I know so just listen because this would be long. Kidding... I'm just gonna tell you something important." I smiled and looking at him smiling makes me smile even more.

"I miss you." I paused just when I thought I'm about cry again.

"There were things I've never told you before and I'm sorry if it took me so long but- I wanted to thank you for everything." I stared at him.

"Thank you for being there in my ups and downs, thank you because even though you always make me cry..." I chuckled.

"Well, I know you never intended to but yeah. You make me cry and makes me happy as well. It's like you're the cold that makes me shiver but the blanket that provides me warmth at the same time."

"There are a lot of reasons for me to hate you but I didn't because I fell for you. I started to love and accept you for who you are and that's kinda fair since you did the same thing."

"I love you, hyung. That doesn't change up until now." I tried pulling my tears back but they just shamelessly rolled down my cheeks 'till they reach the edge of my chin and fell.

I looked at his smiling face once again before putting the picture frame back to its place.

"Hyung, my mind tells me to move on but my heart tells me not to. I don't know what to do. I just wanna go back, embrace you once again, kiss you, be in your arms... and love you over and over again." I felt my chest tightened.

The fact that it's never gonna happen ever again pierce me.

"I'm still stucked, hyung. I don't know how to keep moving forward now that you're not with me anymore."

"Hyung, please hold on. Please..."

"Jimin."

"Hyeong, I'm begging you..."

"Please find someone who'll love you as much as I do."

"What are you talking about?! No one's gonna love me as much as you do, Min Yoongi. You're not gonna die! You're not going to leave me like this..."

"Please be happy. Be happy for me."

"I can't be happy without you. I can't..."

"I love... you."

I buried my face on my knees, crying hopelessly in front of his grave.

It's been two years, hyung. Two years without you and I still don't know how to be happy without you here with me.

"The only way to keep moving forward without him is to let him go, Jimin." I got up and wiped my tears with my palm when I heard Hoseok hyung's voice from behind.

He then, sat beside me tapping me slightly in the shoulder.

"Yoongi-ah. Jimin went missing again so I looked for him here and I was right. I'm sorry for disturbing you two." He smiled.

"Don't worry, I'm taking care of him. I'm making sure he eats on time, fine, breathing, safe and alive. You don't have to worry, okay? Jimin's strong."

"Hoseok hyung..."

"I'm willing to help him move forward, Yoongi. Trust me, I won't leave him in the middle." Hoseok hyung then looked at me with a warm smile plastered on his lips.

"Please find someone who'll love you as much as I do."

"I'll willing to wait."

Hoseok hyung patted my head before getting up to leave.

"Please be happy. Be happy for me."

I will...

"Whatever happens, promise me to remember how much I love you."

I nodded.

"I promise hyung... I promise."

End.


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