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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: The poem dome
Don't know yet the words will just come out

Submitted: June 27, 2016

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Submitted: June 26, 2016



Dearest lost lover

for so long I've wanted to say so much to you. I've wanted let you in. Let you know just how I felt inside. 

I was so scared of you, not scared of you physically but scared of how you made me feel. 

See whenever I looked at you I felt myself smile and my heart skip a beat, I felt myself not wanting to look away. I was so amazed by you and all you are, I didn't want to miss a minute with you. If you had a good day I wanted to share it with you. If you had a bad day I wanted to hear about it, and if your life changed I wanted to be part of it. But then I would leave and I was left with my own thoughts and insecurities. Here you were my everything my biggest desire the one I had always dreamt of, so perfectly perfect for me. So understanding and caring, so well in tune with who I am. So beautiful. And here was I so scared, so insecure, I didn't like who I was, or where I was at. I didn't want to bring you down, but most importantly I didn't want you to see me the way I saw myself.
So when you said goodbye I felt my world crumble. But I also felt a hint of relief, now you wouldn't have to see the ugly side of me. 
I felt so alone with no one to turn to. I felt trapped In a house that I was so scared of. I got myself out To save my own sanity. But then I got stuck. 
"Don't you dare leave me don't break the kids hearts" that's all she would say to me. 
I hate yelling I hate conflict. I hate that I'm weak and I couldn't stand up.
If I had the strength in myself to fight I would have stood up and yelled to the world
"She loves me she loves me just as I am she doesn't see an ugly me what a glorious day my love loves me" 
But instead I fade into the background and hide my feelings away, locked in my heart never to see the lightness that my true love would give.
I try to speak up but I'm a little to late
"Please don't you see how unhappy I am this isn't what I want" quite often I cry 
"Don't you dare leave your kids will stay with me" 
"Please don't take my kids they belong to me"  I scream
" yeah but if I keep your kids you can never leave they are fostered dhs will side with me"
So I tried to move on and just let you be, and now I'm trapped in a life of complete dark misery. 
And I see you with her and you are so happy so I sit back and cry all on my own and think that could have been me how foolish I am
But I'm glad that you are happy it makes my soul smile 
I will love you always 

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