The Iron Assassin
Reads: 14286 | Likes: 25 | Shelves: 27 | Comments: 152
Book by: Katherine M
100 years after humanity made the mistake of drilling to the Earth's core and awakening the Iron Moles slumbering below the surface, the human population is scattered across Earth and struggling to
survive. Trackers, the creatures created and bred to protect humanity, have turned against them, and worse a new threat of the virus is on the horizon. As the odds of survival grow bleak, a young
woman named Bren, with the ability to wield iron, searches for a solution to her family's desperate situation. Along the way she meets two others, Ophelia and Felix who both dream of finding a cure
to the deadly virus and returning the world to its former glory. Will Bren join the fight and use her powers for the greater good, or turn her back on those who need her the most?
Summary Updated 4/18/18
Table of Contents
Submitted: June 27, 2016
Submitted: July 25, 2016
Submitted: July 28, 2016
Submitted: August 07, 2016
Submitted: August 11, 2016
Submitted: August 18, 2016
Submitted: September 11, 2016
Submitted: September 17, 2016
Submitted: October 06, 2016
Submitted: October 18, 2016
Submitted: October 31, 2016
Submitted: November 11, 2016
Submitted: November 22, 2016
Submitted: December 08, 2016
Submitted: December 19, 2016
Submitted: January 01, 2017
Flying wolves and dark visions
Submitted: January 17, 2017
Submitted: February 02, 2017
Submitted: March 03, 2017
Submitted: February 07, 2017
Submitted: March 24, 2017
Submitted: April 09, 2017
Submitted: April 19, 2017
Submitted: May 02, 2017
Submitted: May 18, 2017
Submitted: June 04, 2017
Submitted: June 15, 2017
Submitted: July 09, 2017
Submitted: July 24, 2017
Submitted: July 26, 2017
Submitted: July 29, 2017
Submitted: August 02, 2017
Submitted: August 19, 2017
Submitted: August 31, 2017
Submitted: September 02, 2017
Submitted: September 12, 2017
Submitted: September 18, 2017
Submitted: September 24, 2017
Submitted: September 25, 2017
Submitted: October 04, 2017
Submitted: October 21, 2017
Submitted: November 10, 2017
Submitted: November 13, 2017
Submitted: November 25, 2017
Submitted: December 03, 2017
Submitted: December 06, 2017
Submitted: December 13, 2017
Submitted: December 16, 2017
A princess, a guard, and a Dr. walk into a bar
Submitted: December 20, 2017
Submitted: December 20, 2017
Submitted: December 26, 2017
Submitted: January 02, 2018
Submitted: January 11, 2018
Submitted: January 17, 2018
Submitted: January 28, 2018
Submitted: February 04, 2018
Submitted: February 17, 2018
Submitted: February 20, 2018
Submitted: February 28, 2018
Rebirth of the Frihet Fighters
Submitted: March 06, 2018
Submitted: March 13, 2018
Submitted: March 19, 2018
Submitted: March 21, 2018
Submitted: March 29, 2018
Submitted: April 01, 2018
Submitted: April 07, 2018
Submitted: April 12, 2018
Submitted: April 17, 2018
Estranged Family Members and Purple Chickens
Submitted: April 28, 2018
Submitted: May 12, 2018
Submitted: May 18, 2018
Submitted: May 28, 2018
Submitted: June 02, 2018
Submitted: June 08, 2018
Submitted: June 24, 2018
Submitted: July 05, 2018
Submitted: July 11, 2018
Submitted: May 02, 2018
Submitted: March 03, 2017
Recent Comments
I love how you have a promising start! It really caught my attention. I have so many questions - and I can't wait to read more of your amazing story! It would be nice to have more description of the character's appearance. Other than that, amazing story!
I enjoyed the writing that you used. It was as though I was in that situation myself.
Keep up the good work! :D
-Artemis Wolf
Author
Reply
Thanks!! I actually haven't worked on this one in a while. I'll keep your suggestions in mind when I revise my work and continue with the next chapter!
Hopefully, I'll have the next one up by Tuesday I'll keep you posted and let you know!
Happy writing,
-Katherine
Wow. Very original and imaginative.
What a horrible world. Hopefully Bren can eventually make it to a nice place.
I guess the Tin Man from OZ would supposedly like it.
Maybe Bren can get ahold of a stinger missle. That would certainly take care of Mr Tracker.
Looking forward to the next part!
BTW- I published chapter 2 of The Terrific Two.
Later,
Raybird
Fantastically written. This is a most excellent start. I love the depressing, yet magical, world you have conjured up. Your writing caught my attention from the get go. I look forward to reading more of it.
Author
Reply
Hi, Jonathan. Thank you for the compliment on my writing! I added a touch of depression to my world, because, even magical ones are not perfect, and this one is certainly far from it.
I hope you will continue to enjoy my upcoming chapters and should you have any suggestions feel free to let me know.
By the way, the cat in your profile picture is cute. I used to have one that size who would sit on my shoulder as I wrote, but sadly he grew too large for that. Now he just spends his time sitting on my keyboard.
Best wishes,
-Katherine
Ooh! I know I am coming into this picture late, but very good start to a story. I love the way you painted this world. I was looking for something like this to read. And it already leaves me with questions. That is perfect! Definitely look forward to reading the other chapters.
Author
Reply
Hi, Sean!
No worries about coming in late, I just started back up with school so my next chapter may be a while. (I promise I'll get it published eventually!)
I'm glad that you enjoyed it! I have a few free minutes so I'll be happy to return the favor and check out your work.
Please feel free to keep reading and commenting! Comments are a writer's best friend (even the negative ones help.)
Best of luck writing,
-Katherine
The story telling was nice, and the plot seems promising. There were some punctuation errors and a few lines didn't read smoothly; maybe rewording them would help with that. But all in all, it was a good chapter.
Author
Reply
Thank you for the review! I will take your suggestions into mind when I go through and edit this chapter this evening. I appreciate it!!
this has a very interesting start. I like the idea of metal over taking her and basically consuming her. The desperation and despair she felt, feels real. Everything about this chapter was done excellent. I do wonder about a few things but I'm sure I'll learn more as I read on. Good job, and keep it up :D
Author
Reply
Thank you so much for reading! I tried to make Bren's experience as life-like as possible and I'm glad I succeeded. :) If you have any questions after you read a few more chapters in I'll be happy to answer them!
You will find out why Bren was running away later. Thanks for reading!! :D
Rich, compelling writing, setting the scene of a desperate world on the edge. Very good first chapter with tight narrative. Thanks for uploading and keep going to the bitter, antisocial, burning the midnight oil end! :)
Author
Reply
Thank you! I appreciate the compliment. I am working hard to improve and if you like the first chapter that much I can promise that it gets better! :)
-Katherine
Fantastic! I love everything so far. The emotions are beautifully written, flowing wonderfully with the vivid descriptions. I didn't really notice a lot of errors, but to be honest, your writing is done so well, that I wouldn't have noticed them anyway, lol. The world sounds horrifying and awful. Excellent chapter!
Author
Reply
Thank you, Miss Midnight!
I'm glad that you loved it so much! I'm still working on fixing any errors that I didn't catch so if you find any feel free to let me know! Thank you for the compliment on my writing! :D
It is a horrifying world in a way, but it's home to Bren and if you keep reading she does find beauty in it along the way.
-Katherine
Good start. I will read more.
hey katherine i loved it very creative i love the post-apocalyptic world between man and machine amazing.
Author
Reply
Hello, Markel!
First of all, thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am so happy that you loved it, and I hope that you will love what's to come just as much. In reply to your second comment, I would be more than happy to read over your work. Thanks for the fan, I'll return the favor!
Best wishes,
-Katherine
i am new so feel free to check my short mini horror story called-Moonlight Ave and please feel free to comment and suggetions
I really like where this is going. It's a captivating, creative world. I am definitely anxious to see what happens next! The only "problems" I saw, was a few spots where commas need to be. But I go over my own work constantly and still find places I need to either put or take away a comma.
Author
Reply
Thank you so much for reading and commenting Camlann! (I absolutely love your profile picture!!) I can promise that Bren's story does get more exciting and it seems to be the offspring of anything weird or creative that runs through my mind at the oddest hours of the day.
Thanks for pointing out the comma spots. While I write well (and am still steadily improving with each chapter) I absolutely hate commas. I also have not gone back and edited the beginning of the book in a while so there are a few mistakes throughout the first few chapters. The chapters will get longer (and contain more detail) as you read on! So feel free to keep reading, I love feedback, and I will more than happily return the favor on any of your work.
Best wishes,
Katherine
Great start. I intend to keep reading.
I just found this one, and it's a very nice start. It really draws you in and makes you question what's going on and you really want to find out the answers to them.
Some of the best stuff I've read in a long time. The visuals are really swell, without hammering the reader over the head with descriptions like some writers do.
Great job!
Author
Reply
Thanks, Twitchycat! Glad to hear that you like it. I try not to overload the reader with too many visuals at once. Although it has been suggested to me that I do it with characters. XD
I did take the readers advice though, and found a way to make the introductions not as daunting.
If you like it and you decide to keep reading, I should warn you that my style and abilities improve drastically. ( I am completely serious with this and not just trying to convince you to keep reading) I've been working on this story for a long time. I will eventually go back and edit the first few chapters. Thanks for reading!
Cheers!
-Katherine
I like your style of writing. The first chapter went down well.
Author
Reply
Thank you for reading johngumbs! I am very glad that you enjoyed it and thank you for your wonderful comment!
-Katherine
Hi, Kat. Can I call you Kat?
This is a great start to a novel! I'm happy that there are 99 chapters so there's plenty for me to read before I have to wait for another chapter lol.
You do a good jib setting up our main character Bren and her past as well as the situation on earth right now. My only complaint is that this despairing is going on in the first chapter before we really know Bren so her wanting to give up her life doesn't mean as much as it could, you know?
Either way, I appreciate the creativity of this story concept and will be shelving this!
Author
Reply
Sure! You can call me Kat!
There's actually only 31 chapters, chapter 99 was a world map that I deleted by accident and I have not had the chance to put back.
Thank you so much for your feedback! Honestly, when I wrote this first chapter I was just playing around with the book idea in my head. It got a lot of positive feedback, I continued it, fell in love with the story, and then never went back and worked on the first chapter.
While I agree that Bren wanting to kill herself in the first chapter does not evoke as much emotion as it would in the 30th, I feel like it shows how desperate she is to escape. At this point and time she feels like she has nothing to live for. Its later on that the other characters start to remind her of her desire to live and the power that she has to change her life.
I will probably end up changing it though. I really appreciate you reading and I hope that you enjoy the other chapters as well!
-Katherine
An interesting start! I love this fantasy/dystopian/steam-punky combo - very imaginative. Your writing style flows nicely and your spelling/grammar etc. is top-notch... I don't really have any criticisms, other than the font being quite large, but that's just a personal preference :-) I'll be reading on!
Author
Reply
I just fixed the font! Thanks for the suggestion, I had no idea that it was that large or why I did it that way (probably happened during editing). I appreciate you reading!
-Katherine
This was really fun to read! You have a great hook as well. I will definitely be checking out other chapters!
I’ve been meaning to read this for a while. I’ll try and leave a comment after each chapter which I’ll try leading one a day. That said, here we go…
This is a very intriguing setting you’ve got. A dystopic future where humanity has fallen from grace and are once again prey to monsters and sinful individuals. Bren as a character was introduced very well, from her background to her current physical/mental/emotional state. I especially like her mind versus body conflict with regards to living, it made her character come to life.
I was sceptical about how Bren’s body was 80% metal until the part she became encased in it. That’s an amazing concept which could be very useful yet quite scary. I wonder how it works in your world’s biology because 80% metal is crazy, even if it’s her dry weight (since normal humans are 60% water).
I noticed that this chapter was written 2016. Unless this chapter was recently re-edited, I’d say there are ways you can make sentences more crisp and better flowing. Some of them have been highlighted by Strata1x in the text. I won’t go over every one but I’ll try ‘editting’ your last two paragraphs to give an idea of what/how I think it could be better.
“Liquid metal crawled up her body. A cold, inorganic second skin. Within seconds it wounded up her toes and ankles, around her knees; spreading across her chest and up her neck. Digging all ten fingers into the metallic seam crawling up her throat, Bren tore off handfuls of the metal before it hardened over her soft, vulnerable skin.
But despite her efforts, it was spreading faster than she can tear off; soon creeping across her cheeks and over her spilt tears. It slid gently across her broken nose, before sharply twisting. Bren shrieked in agony as her broken nose was forced back into shape.
Her grunts of pain and fury soon cut off as it spread across her lips and over her mouth, sealing her attempts of attracting the Tracker. Unable to breathe or scream, Bren’s amber eyes rolled up towards the cloudy red sky. At that moment, the beast came into view.
An ancient, twisted ancestor of a mythical creature known as a dragon with scales of a fish, body of a serpent and head of a tiger. It screetched in fury as its prey’s scent faded into the monotonous background stench of metal.
For Bren was now fully encased in the metal she despised so much.”
I found editing that an interesting exercise. Feel free to disregard anything you think does not suit your style. Till next chapter.
Author
Reply
Thanks for reading! I'll go through and comment on each part of your review.
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, I've noticed a slight discrepancy in my Ch. 1 reviews involving Bren's appearance where I didn't include as much of a description as they would have liked vs an review such as yours. I am currently working on rewriting the first few chapters to give a better background and character appearance description.
lol I guess I need to work on the amount of metal Bren is made of. When I originally wrote this chapter back in 2016 I envisioned the entire human population being made of a small amount of metal. Bren was supposed to be the only human who could control it. Now its just Bren, I'll remember to make that clear when I finish rewriting.
Going back to Bren's body vs mind conflict the next version of chapter one will include more details as to why Bren left her village ultimately on a suicide mission.
I can let you know when I post the edited version. My goal was to finish the book (which I did) and then go back and edit. I haven't finished posting to Booksie though.
Thanks for the suggestions! I'll compare these to my edits!
-Katherine
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