Life Uncontrolled

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
An unexpected life story of a kid named babar.

Submitted: June 28, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 28, 2016



Jan 2000, Somewhere in Afghanistan, Up in green mountains there was a beautiful village where i was born to a hardworking labour dad, a loving mom and a two years elder only sister named Sania. Sania was a beautiful, brave and intelligent kid with a pale white skin, brown hair and brown eyes just like mom. I myself babar was like them too.


I don’t remember much of my childhood except the few of the loveliest moment we had together. That one moment that stands out from all the others is when i was outside of my house sitting on a clean floor solving a jigsaw puzzle which i always loved to do and my sister was playing with a ball then out of nowhere she lost control of herself and ruined my whole nearly solved puzzle by stepping over it. She stand there sadly and frozen expecting a reaction from me. I myself as a 5 years old stupid and short tempered kid took hold of a long stick horizontally from my both hands. She ran and i was behind her as she entered the house from the main entrance and i was following her but my stick was to long to enter in home horizontally so the stick hitted the both side of the entrance making me flip over the stick on my stomach. After that i was lying on the floor crying and laughing both at the same time and my mom ran to see me. Luckily i wasn’t hurt that bad.


Next day early in the morning as usual mom was making breakfast for us making the whole house smells exceptionally great and me, sania and dad was wrestling and pillow fighting. Few minutes gone as we were done i was feeling thirsty so i walk towards the other end of the house to drink from water cooler as i was drinking my dad was ordering me from the other end of the house “Bring me water t….” BAM!!! There was a horrible blast and i lost my consciousness. After few minutes there was very disturbing noise in my ear and as i opened my eyes the cooler was on my mouth as i moved that cooler away i see clear blue sky realizing the roof is gone, the house is gone and broken into pieces. I tried to stand but can’t i was stuck in bricks. I started crying and screaming MAMA!. The people was running here there saying something about drone attack when one elderly man noticed me and helped me get out of that mess. He took me and put me on the side of my house and went back to find others. There were other peoples too. I was sitting there bleeding and crying in pain. After few minutes or maybe an hour there was ambulances and workers too and one by one they found my whole family dead. I crawled to see their dead bodies which was hard to recognize. Sania face was covered in blood and dust and my mom was still bleeding from nose. I was loosing my mind i screamed badly.


The workers put me in the ambulance and gave me first aid on the way to hospital. I was badly injured in legs and at the hospital i came to know that i won’t be able to walk for few months. They admitted me and gave me a room with another roommate named Asad. His head, chest and mouth was injured and wasn’t able to speak a single word. There was always some visitors for Asad but nobody visited me and i never knew anyone other than my family. I was all alone to myself. I mostly just lay on the bed with wet eyes and the faces of my dead family was always on my mind. Nothing much ever happened there. The daily scheduled includes doctor visits, checkups, test and nurse making sure i am fine. The nurse was very very nice to me. She always make sure that i am fine and would always told me stories and jokes and kiss my forehead every time she visits me. She was the only one there i was connected to. Few months past and now i was all physically well and could also walk easily. So they decided to discharge me. On the time of leaving they told me that i am going to a new house where there will be a lot of your new friends, games and much more you’ll love it. As i was getting ready to leave, the nurse came towards me looking very emotional and sad. We hugged each other and said miss you to each other with tears in our eyes. I left after that with a man who was there to pick me.


After 20-25 minutes of ride i arrived at an orphanage. They gave me a tour of that place. It was a good place with green playing area, classes, dining hall and a lot more things which was supposed to be there. The staff was little bit strict and caring but overall it was a nice place. The daily schedule includes exercise in the morning, breakfast, classes, lunch, 2 hours of sleep time, play time, dinner , homework, and tv. It’s been a week and i was starting to get used to that place i even made two friends there but out of nowhere that night the headmaster woke me up in the middle of the night and said we are transferring you to another school. Keep silent and follow me now. I as a obedient kid followed him without asking any question. He handed me to some other men there who took me in their car and brought me to their weird old looking different school. This school was very strange. There were hardly 20 students their mostly of my age or little bit older than me. The place was strange. There were no nearby buildings or house or anything. The school was in the middle of like forrest covered by trees. There was not many furniture. It feels scary and empty empty there. There were 4-5 horrible looking staff members holding a gun all the time. One of them was like senior headmaster always giving orders to other staff.


First of few days were very boring we got nothing to do. They just gave us food and we were not allowed to go outside in any circumstances. We just ate, slept, played football and talk. I made a great friend name Shahnawaz. He was raised by single dad who was arrested during the nato forces raids. After that he was admitted in some other institute who forwarded him here. Few weeks gone then they started some activities with us. They gave classes to us which includes basic english and few others subjects to make us able to read and write. They sometimes gave us an extra class which includes the videos of english forces torturing and beating afghan looking citizens and photages documentaries of loss happened after drone and other attacks of different forces in our country. They were making us believe that the forces and countries behind them working in our countries are our biggest enemies  and they started to gave us physical and armed training too. At the age of 8 i was able to fire from almost any gun they’ve had. They added meaning to my life. To fight for my family, My country and many others things. Kids who performed good was very appreciated and rewarded with gifts and special foods. We would meet the seniors fighters who always talked about doing a suicide attack and how it will make the God happy and rewards after life. The lakes of milk and unlimited amount of food.They would talk about these things all the time.  As the time goes things becomes a lot worse they started to beat us hard on little mistakes the food becomes a lot worse. Life was hard there. But anyway they were our seniors and teachers we had to respect them any way. And there were a lot more junior students there now. At the age of 13 i was a skilled fighter eager to do a suicide attack. Me and shahnawaz would talk all day about suicide attacks and their rewards.


Two years more gone and as we were going through our daily schedule sitting in our class when another teacher came into our class interrupted our teacher and whispered something to him. Our teacher then said to all of us that we all should go to the next room where the headmaster will be talking to all of us. We all stood up and got there. After 25 to 30 minutes of wait the headmaster was here but with few others men too who covered their mouth masks or something and one of them was video recording all of us. The headmaster stood in front of us and started speech but this speech was extremely motivating and successfully fueled us all up and at the end speech he said “Today i am going to name one luckiest person here who finally succeeded to get an opportunity to satisfy God and get endless afterlife rewards by sacrificing this temporary life. And his name is (after a long Pause).... BABAR!!  ”. ME!!! I was finally selected for this holy purpose. First i lost my train of thoughts and then i stood up with mixture of feelings in my heart, Looked towards the sky and said, Thank God!. Everyone in the class congratulates me and wished me best of luck.


Fast forward to the day when i arrived at the final destination somewhere in Pakistan by travelling through hiding in a huge transport truck. They journey was very long, dark and i felt like i’ll die because of high temperature and suffocation there but i made it to the destination. I spent my last night in a flat near my target location with two other men who were there to brief me about my target which i was able to see from the window of my room. It was a train station. I was ordered to go in there in the morning at the time of arrival of a train and just do what i was supposed to do. I didn’t slept that night. I don’t know what i was thinking that night but my heartbeat was high.


Finally the day of action had come. I didn’t ate anything that morning just drank half glass of water, took the briefing again and left the flat wearing a suicide jacket to do as i was briefed and trained to do. I spent at least 15 minutes around that to station waiting for the arrival of the train. As i heard the voice of train coming towards the station i took a deep breath and headed towards the arrival platform. As i was getting near and near to the platform my heart was beating harder and harder and i could even hear that. Then i was there standing in the platform looking at the people getting off the training with smiling and happy faces. But they are our enemies and it is the time to just do it. They were equally responsible for the loss of my family. I started my final movements of my hands then suddenly i heard my sister sania laugh same as it was when i was solving puzzle and she was playing with a ball in childhood. And it was not just a voice in my mind it was really a beautiful little girl on my left side who resembled a lot to my only sister sania and it was not only that. I also noticed his younger brother with him holding a jigsaw puzzle in his hands. I freezed there in tears and lost my mind to the thoughts of my childhood. Then from out of nowhere i was suddenly arrested by two officers dressed as civilians in white kameez shalwars. My suicide jacket was also taken off by them.


Shortly after that i found myself locked up in a prison sitting there just thinking about that kids and my family, childhood and all that. I was beaten badly in prison and gave few of the interviews to media also.  I never heard of media or anything like that in my life but i said what the officers said to me which was mostly true. I also shared my whole life story with them too. One day an officer came to me and said.”For you information, The court has sentenced you for lifetime. Your whole life is now supposed to be spent here.”. Next day in lock up i was sitting on a floor, lost in thoughts when some other officers came and picked me up and we moved towards an open area. What i noticed there 15-20 people standing right there staring on me

And i also noticed a hanging noose there. They were going to hang me to death. As i was standing right behind that hanging noose all confused about life and i couldn’t understand what was going inside my mind. SLAP!!!! I was hallucinating sitting in a lock up and was sweating a lot.!

There was a one guard there who would talk to me about my life and all the things that i was gone through. He also told me about his whole life, his sweet family and many other on-going things of outside of that prison. After months and months of discussion things started to make a lot more sense to me. Their lives and believes made more sense to me. They were raised openly and not in closed boundaries like our schools. They were not raised to kill. They were raised to live. I still couldn’t understand many of the things but after an year of discussion with that man, One thing was clear to me that my Whole Life Was A Total Lie. The discussion with this man was like a therapy to me which was just reprogramming my mind.



I am going to END THIS STORY here by leaving you two major question.

1) If you were raised in that circumstances and wasn’t even able to hear that laugh which resembles to your elder sister sania would you be able stop yourself ?


2) Suppose i didn’t heard that laugh there and continued to do that blast. And after my death you are in charge of deciding that should i go to hell or heaven which option would you decide and why?

© Copyright 2018 Jawad Akhtar. All rights reserved.

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