The Adventures of David and Connie-Shredded Humans

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
David and Connie discuss organ donation.

Submitted: June 30, 2016

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Submitted: June 30, 2016

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The Adventures of David and Connie.

Shredded Humans

By Shadowgate

…..

David and Connie O'Connor were looking at the organ donor cards.

Connie already told her mother Linda a few minutes ago that she wanted to be an organ donor. Linda replied "well that is sweet and I know you and David picked up cards. Right now I need some time alone so you and David go discuss it together."

David and Connie agreed to do exactly that.

They sat in the den and talked.

Connie asked "so David after we fill out the donor cards do we mail them to the state and the state puts them into a computer?"

David answered "no that's not how it works. You keep the card in your wallet."

Connie shot back "wait, I keep it in my wallet?"

David answered "or your purse."

Connie asked "well then how will anyone know if it stays in my purse?"

David answered "it's your personal organ donor card. So when something happens to you and you end up dead in the ER the doctors will look through your purse and they'll find the organ donor card."

Connie asked "what if a registered sex offender gets a hold of me and I'm found dead in a ditch and my purse is nowhere to be found?"

David replied "well by the time they found you dead in a ditch your organs wouldn't be viable. Basically let's say you die of an illness or some type of accident the ER doctor will find that card in your purse and your organs will be removed and used for transplant. If you are the victim of a Goddamn convicted sex offender well it will be like the Cannibal Corpse song I played an hour ago called Shredded Humans."

Connie said "well let's say an unexpected illness or accident I'll still be like the shredded humans that Cannibal Corpse sang about. They'll wheel my dead body into a surgery room and cut out my organs."

David said "actually they have a special room for removing the organs from donors that just died. It's rectangular and it's outward. I think that it's on the top floor of every downtown hospital."

Connie said "I'd imagine that room is made of steel and says 'organ donation room' and 'authorized personnel only."

David said "no it's not it's made of cement and plaster and it has a window."

Connie was shocked "it has a window!"

David replied "yes but there's a white sheet they pull down when they have a dead donor to take care so you don't get to watch some poor dead person having their organs cut out."

Connie replied "whoa I'd hope so."

David said "the hospital does not want witnesses to shredded humans."

Connie said "at least the person who's being dissected has their final wish granted after their death. Which is what I want as an organ donor."

David said "make sure to check off each organ you want donated."

Connie looked down at the bottom of the card and then she squirmed "why do I have to check off each one?"

David answered "well there might be some organs that some people might not want to donate like the eyes for example."

Connie looked down and said "holy crap you can donate your eyes!"

David said "yes and I've heard some people aren't comfortable with that."

Connie took a deep breath and said "that does seem a little morbid."

David said "in the beginning lots of people considered this whole thing morbid."

Connie said "well I guess if we want to save lives we have to agree to be a shredded human."

David said "right and assuming your organs are viable once they're removed."

Connie said "what?"

David said "well an alcoholic might be an organ donor but some of his organs may not be viable because of heavy drinking. Of course you'll never know but your family might after they meet the one who got one or more of your organs transplanted."

Connie said "oh shit well let me just fill out the card and hope for the best."

Linda came in the den and said "Connie watch your mouth and David I'm not crazy about you listening to Cannibal Corpse or playing it for your sister."

David replied "I should be able to listen to Cannibal Corpse, after all we only live once."

THE END

 

 


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