self assassination

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
a short story of a man who is sick of his old life and calls a hitman on himself and plays a twisted game of cat and mouse with them. warning: graphic language and somewhat intense violence ahead.

Submitted: July 02, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 02, 2016



Do you ever feel like you have nothing to live for in your life, and your life has reduced to nothing but waking up in the same uncomfortable, rock hard bed, and getting up into the same shitty apartment, and going to the same job every day and sitting in a God damn cubicle for eight hours, and then coming home to that same apartment and collapsing into that same rock hard bed and repeating this process every day. That is what I feel that my life is reduced to, so one day I decided to do what every office rat's dream is. I told my boss to go fuck himself. I went home, made some pizza rolls and  down in my chair and opened my laptop. I decided to turn on some 80's classic rock and browse the deep web. For the past few months I've installed some deep web safety software to keep my IP secure so some rapist doesn't find me and started browsing the "deep web", the web that cannot be found by search engines, there's some crazy shit on there, you know. There's a bunch of websites for buying military-grade weaponry, illegal drugs, hiring contract killers, getting forged licenses and paperwork, and really fucked up videos of snuff films, child pornography, stalkings and other weird shit that no-one in their right minds would watch.

No-one really cared about me growing up and even now. I've never had a girlfriend, I had four different fathers growing up, and I lived in 3 different states and 15 homes. I got addicted to smoking at the age of fourteen and quit at sixteen, my mom left me at the age of sixteen and I got addicted to alcohol at seventeen and still am, I've lived on my own ever since. I joined one gang and quickly left, and I had to change my name and all of my information, social security, credit card, et cetera to make sure I was never found. So here I am now, living on my own in a rundown apartment in downtown Los Angeles, living off of TV dinners, McDonalds, and a cheap pizza place 2 blocks down from my house. My mother, before she left she always did her best to guide me in the right direction. She was a really good mother, but after she left I changed and I got really into weapons and things like that. I got my hunting license and pistol license at seventeen, and one of the main reasons I started using the deep web was because I wanted to get some military grade stuff and get a forged license for being able to own these types of weapons legally.

So on this day I decided I had nothing to live for and I went on a website for hiring contract killers. I made a new email address with no ties to me, or anyone I know and emailed the hitmen. I told them I needed someone capped and gave them all of my info. They said they were high on business and they would have an operative in my area ready to get the job done in about a week, I told them I needed someone really good and they said they would have to wait longer for their best operative to get done with his current job and that I would have to pay extra and they would email me when the operative landed the the Los Angeles International Airport and the expected wait time was ten to twelve days. 'Perfect' I thought 'this gives me time to get set up'. This was it, I was either going to die, or have the best time of my life. This would be the best game of cat and mouse I'd ever played. I had to get ready.

I fell asleep and woke up the next day at about 9 am. I wrote down a list of the things I needed to do to get set up.

-Destroy phone

-Get new phone

-Visit Gary




-Download software

First thing on my list was to destroy my current phone so I couldn't be traced and get a new one. I put the phone in water to fry it and then propped it up in a crack in the parking lot and ran it over with my car. I then went to the hardware store a half a block down the road and bought a power drill and drilled seven holes in my phone to be sure none of its data could be accessed. I then went to Walmart and bought a cheap flip-phone, I didn't need much. In case you were wondering, Gary is a owner of an illegal gun and spy shop in my area, I also met him through the deep web. I drove down to Gary's store and bought a Glock G38. That beauty of a pistol packs a punch, being a .45 GAP pistol and still being very compact and concealable. I also bought a .22 caliber Micro-Uzi, a .44 Magnum rifle with an mark 4 tactical scope, and a closed-circuit camera spike with software that would broadcast to my laptop.




-Download software

I then went to my local grocery store and bought some soup, cereal, rice, bread, foam plates and bowls, plastic silverware, and a gallon of water. I went home, packed up all of the food in an old backpack from high school. I then went to the nearest ATM and withdrew all of my money from my bank account, I didn't need these guys bankrupting me to slow me down. I packed up a week's worth of clothes in the bag as well, and loaded them into the trunk of my car, I then went to the gas station nearest to my house and filled my tank. Being a 1998 Nissan Altima, it didn't have that bad of gas mileage, I also brought a 20 liter jerry can to store extra gas, I put that in the trunk as well. I came back home and downloaded the software of the camera spike to my laptop and tested it out, the quality was not that bad, and it had a 15 mile broadcast radius, it was a good deal for a fairly cheap camera. I put the camera spike over top of my house entrance so I could see the hitman enter my house. I also wrote a note that said 'Nice try, I'm not going down yet, let's play a game, right now, I'm the cat and you're the mouse, let's see if the tables will turn or not.' I put the note in perfect view of my camera and left my house.

I tried to fuck with my hitman and see if he really was their best so I deposited just enough money to afford 9 days in a cheap Motel 6, which is where I'd be staying for the remainder of the time before the killer arrives. I then walked into an old Motel 6 on the south side of LA, 7 miles from my apartment. An elderly woman greeted me at the door and asked me how long I would be staying "9 days" I responded, I showed her my card. I swiped the card and she said "You're in luck, you have just enough money for your stay here" I acted like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders and let out a sigh of relief. She handed me a room key and I went up to my room. I set up my laptop next to my bed and had my camera spike broadcast on one side of my screen and my email on the other. I brought up some Campbell's Country Chicken Noodle soup from my car and put it in the microwave. I finished the soup and set up my new phone, making it as anonymous as possible with no personal info or named contacts. I looked over at the clock in my room, it was 11:37 pm. I decided to get some shut eye.

I woke up the next morning at 10:12 am and checked my email, nothing, looked at my CCTV broadcast, nothing. Turned on the TV in my room, and there was only two channels, the news, and Cartoon Network, none of which interest me. So I decided to head out and go to the cafe right down the street from the motel. I got a cup of coffee to go and went back to my car, I then went to an alcohol store a few blocks down the street from the cafe, I got a bottle of Jagermeister and a 12 pack of Coors Light. I put the Jagermeister and the 12 pack in the trunk and drank my coffee on the way back to the motel. By the time I got back to the motel, it was 10:46 and there was nothing to do, so I checked my email, still nothing, looked at my CCTV broadcast, still nothing, so I turned on the TV and decided to watch the news for about an hour and a half until about noon time. I then got up and decided to go to Burger King a quarter of a mile down the road from the motel and got a whopper with some chicken fries and a diet coke. After I ate my food I decided to go to a bowling alley 5 blocks away. I played a few games with a few random people and then I looked down at my watch and it was 3:30 "I better get going." I said and left the bowling alley. I went to the motel and entered my room and checked my email and camera spike and still, nothing. Only 2 and a half more hours until Cartoon Network changed into Adult Swim and I could watch Family Guy or something. But until then, the local news channel was broadcasting 2 Broke Girls instead of the news so at least that was something to mind the gap.

I watched TV until about ten and had a can of Coors Light, I then went to sleep and woke up to a door creaking. I got creeped out and thought the hitman had arrived while I was sleeping and I could no longer execute my plan. I dived behind my bed reaching in my bag for my Micro-Uzi when I heard a woman with a Spanish accent say "Housekeeping!" I sighed with relief and thought to myself "God damn lady, you could have been shot, aren't you supposed to say housekeeping before you open the door." I let her clean the room and once she left I turned on my laptop and checked my email, nothing, I checked my camera, nothing. I refreshed my email after about 5 minutes and I got an email from the contract killer company, it read "We are glad to inform you that the hitman you ordered has arrived in Los Angeles International Airport, 7 days ahead of schedule. The deed will be done soon." 'Oh fuck!' I thought to myself 'He wasn't supposed to get here for another week!' I jumped out of bed, got dressed and ran downstairs with all of my stuff and ran to the ATM and deposited more money to afford a different hotel to throw my hitman off. I gunned it to a house across the street from my apartment, it was for sale so I couldn't disturb anyone by parking there. I rushed there and backed in the for sale house, I shut my car off and waited, I arrived only 5 minutes before a black car that I didn't recognise with pure black tinted windows pulled into my apartment parking lot, I knew this must've been my guy,  I put my head down so my hitman wouldn't notice me and waited until I heard the door open and shut and a few foot steps. I poked my head up subtlely and waited for him to enter the apartment complex. I got the camera on my phone ready, pulled up my laptop feed and waited for him to start clearing my apartment. Once he opened the door I ran over and took pictures of this guy's plates.  I got the pictures and put my head back down and looked at my laptop feed, the guy just saw the note, he got furious and crumpled the note and threw it on the floor. He stormed out of my apartment, just before he left the complex I left the driveway of the house and went to the next dead end hotel, a Super 8 LA. I payed with my bank account only for one night. And gave the man at the front desk a manilla envelope with the words 'So close, but yet so far, I'm going to have fun with you :)' typed on it, I said "If a man comes in looking for me, give him this." I hoped that the hitman would check my bank transactions and come here. I then went across the street to a Hollywood Inn and this was the hotel I would really be staying at, I payed with cash so it couldn't be traced. I then got set up in my hotel room and got it all nice, I then got in my car and drove to a Bass Pro Shop and bought a spotting scope and I stopped at a photo developing place and had the photos of the man's license plate's developed. I drove to the DMV and asked the woman at the front desk to get me everything they could about the owner of the vehicle. She said she cannot do things like that. I handed her a hundred dollar bill and said "It would be real nice of ya to do that for me." She quickly went back to a room and came out with the papers on everything related to those plates. It was a 2013 Maserati Quattroporte owned by a man named Liam Aherne, an Irish contract killer who served in the Fianoglach - Irish special forces and was honorably discharged for getting shot in the knee, he went back to Ireland and got a prosthetic leg from the knee down, he then started body building and taking steroids. Liam is now 6'6", 265 pounds of muscle and 33 years old with a prosthetic leg. He then got a job in a German hitman website, the one that I got him from. I set up my spotting scope and watched the entrances to the Super 8. Eventually the black Maserati pulled in, I remembered I picked up a GPS tracker from Gary a few years back and it's just been sitting in my car for the past few years. I sneaked down stairs to my car and grabbed the tracker, I planted it on the underside of Liam's back bumper and went back into the Hollywood Inn. I figured he would get a motel of his own and try again tomorrow, considering it was almost midnight. Just as I figured, he got a motel a few miles west of me. I slept well that night.

I woke up the next morning at about 9 and then looked at my GPS feed, the red dot indicating Liam's car was getting closer to my location. Liam must've found my tracker and reverse engineered the tracker to track my GPS. I packed all of my stuff, and ran downstairs and tried to go to my car, but my car was all the way across the parking lot and I couldn't get there in time. Liam flew into the parking lot and I ducked behind a Jeep Grand Cherokee and Liam opened fire on the Jeep with an AR15 with a double drum magazine, foregrip, and enhanced ACOG sight. The back end of the Jeep was shredded as I thought the rounds from his AR15 were armor piercing. I dived over the hood of a Chevy Malibu and ran back inside the hotel.  He followed me, guns still blazing as I ran to the second floor of the building. I ducked inside an empty room as I heard the man bustle past the room I was in. I exited the room, pulled out my Glock and tried to shoot him in the back. But under his shirt he was wearing a bulletproof vest and he turned and fired at me. He chased me down and ran in the room I was in and aimed his AR15 at me. He pulled the trigger but his gun was out of ammo, I fired a round a Glock round center mass into his chest and kicked him in the ribs. I bailed out of the second story window and landed in the bed of a Ford F-150 pickup truck. I jumped out of the bed and onto the pavement, the keys were in the ignition, I gunned it and drove to the other side of the parking lot, near my car. I reached in the trunk and grabbed my .44 Mag rifle and chambered a hollow-point round, I shot a round at his gun and it damaged his gun beyond repair. He pulled out his 9mm pistol and shot at that end of the parking lot, I heard the bullets whiz past my head and hit the pickup. I jumped in my car and turned the keys and slammed the gas, eager to be out of his line of fire.

I threw the GPS out of the window and gunned it and exited the city. I booked a cheap motel on the outskirts of the city, paying with cash of course. I made some chicken flavored rice and wolfed it down, as I hadn't eaten that day. I decided not to go out that much to avoid Liam. I only ate the canned food I bought and, watched TV, and searched the web on my laptop. I awoke the next morning and noticed I was in desperate need of some hygiene upkeep. I used the motel shower and went to the dollar store and bought a toothbrush and some toothpaste. I freshened up and went to the laundromat and washed all the clothes I'd worn so far. After all of that I went to a Dunkin Donuts near the motel I was staying in and ordered a plain old fashioned doughnut and black coffee. I went to a cinema that was showing a new movie that sounded interesting. In the line for tickets, I had to pee so I went to use the bathroom and in the middle of my piss, Liam busted down the door of the bathroom and swung at my face, I ducked and dodged his punch. I ran out of the bathroom and through the exit of the cinema, with Liam at my heels. Liam tripped on the curb which bought me time, I ran to my car and grabbed my Glock and aimed at Liam. He had a silenced M1911, which means that his shots wouldn't be noticed while mine would. Liam shot at me but missed and hit my car, I ran across the parking lot and fired, setting the whole parking lot ablaze, every pedestrian was storming out of there to get away from the gunshot. I shot at the ground next to Liam and sent asphalt shooting into his leg, he crumpled to the ground and cried in pain. I pistol whipped him in the nose and ran to my car and drove away. I arrived at the motel and checked my car for trackers or bugs and sure enough same card as I pulled on Liam, a tracker on the underside of my rear bumper. I ripped it off and used the power drill I'd bought awhile ago to drill several holes in it. I went inside my room and looked up how to make a homemade suppressor and followed the first guide that came up. I only made a suppressor for my Glock, considering that Micro-Uzis and sniper rifles will only be used out of desperation and do not need subtlety.

By the time I was done with my suppressor, it was almost 1 in the morning and I decided to crash. I awoke the next morning at 10:27 am and I scanned the parking lot, no sign of Liam. A lady came to the door and before opening it said "housekeeping". This relieved me because during this "game" I wouldn't have accidentally killed another housekeeper. She handed me a white security envelope, 'strange' I thought. I opened the envelope and there was a single piece of paper folded up. I unfolded it and the words read 'Tag, you're it, I'm the cat, and you're the mouse :)' I dived behind the bed as it was my only cover from the window, I grabbed my Micro-Uzi and my .44 Magnum. Not knowing if Liam would come through the door or shoot at me through the window. My questions were answered when I heard glass shatter and saw a round hit the wall just above my head. He must have gotten a vantage point on my room with a construction site across the street with a side view of my room. I was trapped, the door was shut and Liam was waiting with his finger on the trigger of some high-power, long ranged rifle. I looked on the floor and the legs of the bed had wheels, I got ready to move and rolled my bed to the end of the room by the door and opened it. I sprinted down the hallway to the stairwell and went up to the roof access floor. I had an idea, I ran back downstairs and wondered the third floor for the janitor's closet. Eventually, a janitor came out of one of the rooms, I followed him to the closet and waited for him to come back out of the closet and go down a few rooms, I entered the janitor's closet and found uniforms. I got into one and went onto the roof. No one would suspect a janitor on the roof. I pretended to tamper with the big A/C vent up there and scanned the rooftops on the side where you could see my room. Sure enough, Liam had a CheyTac M-200 Intervention deployed on the rooftop of the construction site of a new skyscraper. I wandered on over to a nice cover spot where he couldn't see or get a shot at me. I took aim at his forehead with my .44 and bang, I forgot to aim a little bit left for wind compensation and it hit the roof next to him. He noticed someone had a bead on him and he jumped off of the building 'Is he fucking crazy?!' I thought to myself. I then saw him deploy a parachute and start parachuting down to the street. I didn't have time to change back into my regular clothes and I just ran out the front door in a janitor uniform. I got into my car and gunned it towards where I last saw Liam land. I went over there and just in time to see the big man cut himself free. I parked around the corner from where this is taking place and parked my car. I got out and grabbed my Micro-Uzi and Glock, I ran over to where I saw him cut himself free. But he was gone, I desperately looked around and just got a glance of his black Maserati turn the corner to the street where my car was parked. I ducked into an alley and he passed my car but didn't seem to suspect anything 'Did he really not check my vehicle records or plates?' Then I noticed him park his car a little down the street from mine, he was setting me up. I turned around and scanned the rooftops for a good vantage point on Liam. I saw a decent sized office building with a good rooftop vantage point of Liam's car. I entered the office building and pretended to be a maintenance worker in the building and took the elevator to the top floor. I then left the elevator and took the stairs to the roof. I got set up and waited for the wind to calm down. It eventually did and I aimed at Liam's left side tires. Front tire pop rear tire pop. He was a sitting duck with an incapacitated car and nowhere to go. He knew the general direction of where I was firing from and returned fire with his M1911. He exited the vehicle and ran into the office building. Lucky for me, there was a window washer on a platform 2 stories down. I jumped, landed on the platform and surprised the man. I knocked him out and laid his body down gently, I did not want a large innocent body count. I took the platform down to the ground level and got in my car and sped away. I got on the interstate and didn't stop.

I arrived in a little Arizona desert border town and noticed a Honda motocross bike was for sale for $900. I needed a secondary form of transport in case my car was taken out or I needed to go into the mountains where my car was unable to climb. I knocked on the door of the house that was selling the dirt bike. An average looking man, about 5'11", 155 pounds answered the door. A little boy was clinging onto his leg, I knew I couldn't let Liam get ahold of these people because I had ties with them. I bought the motorbike with cash and shot the breeze with the dad. I gave the little boy $15 and said go buy some candy with this. I got everything out of my car and wore the backpack and strapped the jerry can to the side of the motorbike. I rode the bike to a local gun shop and bought some holsters for my Uzi and Glock so I could have them on at all times. I put the holsters on and put the guns in them. I also bought some targets in case I was stopped by the police I could say I was target practicing in the desert. I went back to my car and noticed I could be tracked through my car. I took everything of sentimental value out of the car and pushed the car into a lake in the town. It fully submerged in the water and I left.

I rode the bike up the mountains and found a place to stay the night. I started a fire and made a bed out of leaves. I cooked a can of tomato soup over the fire and ate it. I had no wifi, TV, or cell service so there was nothing to occupy myself with. I opened the bottle of Jagermeister and had a few sips. I looked back at all the shit I've been through in the past 5 days and laughed louder than I've ever laughed before. I've been so close to death in these past 5 days and yet I feel so alive. If I am the one to go out and Liam walks away with my head and $10k, I'm glad this is the way I'm going. I quickly fell asleep from the Jagermeister. When I awoke the next morning, I looked deeper into Liam's records and found his cell phone number. I called him and said "Well, Liam, you've done quite well for yourself. But I'm not dead yet." He said "How the hell do you know my name?" and I responded with "My friends at the DMV ran the plates from your Maserati and gave me all of your records, I see you served in the Fianoglach and were discharged for getting shot in the knee. Then you went back to Ireland and got a prosthetic leg and started body building and taking steroids. Then you got into that German gun for hire website, fueled with fury from your injury, you became a bloodthirsty, cold hearted killer." "I can see you've done you're homework, I'll be in Arizona sooner than you think." He said, I shot back at him with "I'll be waiting, baby." He hung up the phone. I decided to watch the road with my .44 and wait for Liam to get here. Eventually, I got drawn out of my rabbit hole out of hunger. I mean, they had a diner in the town so I don't see why I'd eat some shit tasting non perishable food. I walked about 10 steps out of cover when I got a call, it was Liam's number, I answered and his thick Irish accent said "Hey, baby. I see you." a shot hit a rock next to me and I dived back to my covered campsite "You're a pretty bad shot, I see." he responded with "Fuck off you unsatisfied American prick. I've got a question, why did you get sick of your life so much that you emailed a gun for hire website and ordered a hitman on yourself? Is your life really that bad that you put your life on the line for amusement. Back in Ireland, the Fianoglach was complete hell and no one wanted to be in it, but we kept our heads high even through the toughest of shit. I do not see why you Americans hate being in an air-conditioned office so much." I told him my whole life story and he said "Let me put you out of your misery, poke your head up." I knew the general direction of where he was from and looked through a small head sized hole in the rocks, I saw him with that same Intervention pointing at my last known location. I said "Here you go!" and shot the rock next to him, he dived back into cover and this gave me a chance to get on my dirt bike. I revved the engine and slammed the gas. I looked behind me and saw liam had an ATV of his own. He was always behind me, I saw an old caving in hotel and pulled into the parking lot. I ditched my bike and climbed the fire escape. During my climb, I pinned Liam down with my Micro-Uzi. He was stuck behind a few rocks, I pulled out my .44 and shot at the rock, forcing him to fall back. I took the chance and went to the rear of the hotel roof out of his line of sight. I crawled all the way around the U shaped hotel roof and he didn't notice me. I popped up and fired one shot at Liam. It struck him in the gut and he fell, a pool of blood forming below him. I slid down the collapsed rubble on that side of the hotel and ran over to Liam. He was coughing and choking, I found a first aid kit in my bag and injected him with morphine to keep him alive longer. Cruel, I know, but I wanted him to die quick and not painfully. I disarmed him of any weapons he had and walked him over to my motorcycle.

I sat him down on my motorcycle and said "You drink?" and held up the 12 pack of Coors and the bottle of Jagermeister, he said "Yeah, give me the Jagermeister." I handed him the bottle and started up my motorcycle. I drove for 45 minutes to LA and walked over to a cliff with a 945 foot drop to the bottom. I said "Well Liam, we've had our fun, but just remember, this was the best game of cat and mouse I've ever played, now how do you want it. Nice and quick or slow and painful?" He said "Nice and quick." I let him finish the liquor and shot him in the temple with my Glock. When his body slouched over I picked it back up and rolled it and the dirt bike off the hill. Before it went off the cliff, I lit the side of the jerry can and when the dirt bike hit the bottom, it exploded along with Liam's corpse. I slowly walked away, with a Coors in my hand. I walked all the way to my apartment downtown and changed out of that stupid fucking janitor's uniform. I took the name tag off of the uniform and stitched in the word "Cat ". I washed the uniform and put it in my closet. I took a much needed shower and brushed my teeth.  What Liam said to me made me realise that maybe my life wasn't so bad. But I sure as hell wasn't going to get on office job. I got $15k from Liam's body before I pushed it off the cliff so that was a start. I sat down, hungry as ever and made some New England Clam Chowder. I went to sleep knowing I wasn't going to be chased by a brollic Irishman the next day.

When I awoke, I went to the car dealership and with the $15k I got from Liam, I bought a 2007 Toyota Camry and drove to my apartment. I would soon need a job that wasn't hell like the Fianoglach but wasn't boring like an office job.


In the past 2  years, I got enough money working as a Stevedore to afford a decent sized, nice house with a bed that wasn't rock hard. A few times a year, I open a bottle of Jagermeister and look at the Cat janitor's uniform to honor Liam for giving me the best game of cat and mouse of my life and giving me wisdom that life can be more than waking up in the same uncomfortable, rock hard bed, and getting up into the same shitty apartment, and going to the same job every day and sitting in a God damn cubicle for eight hours, and then coming home to that same apartment and collapsing into that same rock hard bed and repeating this process every day.


© Copyright 2018 Ruggiero, Tad C.. All rights reserved.

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