Unspoken Tears

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Warning: Contains strong content such as self harm and rape.
Story of 16 year old Nyx and her struggle though her life as a homeless teen facing unimagenable struggles both mentaly and physicaly. (Horrible summery but please give a read)

Submitted: July 02, 2016

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Submitted: July 02, 2016

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She walks to school all skin and bones covered in a roughly patched old dress. Her pale face framed in matted long tresses that haven’t been washed in weeks. Her hazel eyes cold and dark indifferent to the world around her, the world that also ignores her existence. She stops short of entering class taking a deep breath before she goes into that hell. Don’t worry Nyx you’ve lived through more, she thinks to herself letting go of the deep breath and enters the class. Almost on cue everyone turns to look at her, eyes full of hate and disgust; the eyes of vultures waiting for some poor creature to die. Despite her seemingly apathetic exterior, her body starts to feel weak, their gazes making her feel sick. Stop it. Stop it… don’t look, don’t laugh… Stop…PLEASE STOP! She runs away to the fourth floor girl’s bathroom, emptying her already vacant stomach.

“Why me, why me…” hot tears stream down her face on to the tile floor as she cries silently, “Stop… Stop crying you’re not weak!”’

She slaps her face a few times trying to compose herself; the bathroom door opens hard banging against the tile walls, a book bag thrown across the floor. Nyx wipes her face with toilet paper and gets up silently; she excites the stall and meets the tearful eyes of another girl. The girl was pretty in every aspect of the word, a heart shaped face framed with long ebony locks, perfectly smooth olive skin. Nyx’ eyes continue to observe the girl before her when she notices the girl’s bloody wrist.

“What are you doing?” She yells out running over to the girl taking off the girl’s headband and wrapping it around her wrist. “Do you know how many people would be sad if you up and died on them?”

The girl looks away, “no one would care… their all fake anyway… they only care about my money and statues…” the girl looks back at Nyx her eyes cold and dark just like hers. Nyx looks at the girl’s arms and notices the faint scars covered in foundation, the girl pulls them away getting up, a box cutter falling from the girls lap.

“What are you going to do know? Spread rumors of how Ms. Rich-and-perfect Angela she is a cutter…” Angela states in a shaky voice as she cleans the wounds with water, puts a bandage on it, and covers the bandage with bangles.

“No… I won’t…” Nyx gets up taking the box cutter with her, “because I’m sure you have your reasons… everyone has their reasons for hating themselves and the world they live in… I understand.”

Nyx rubs her thumb over a deep scar on her own wrist and leaves Angela alone. Angela looks at Nyx’ back as she leaves her eyes glazing over with more tears, she smiles and lets the unspoken tears she has held for the longest time fall.

“Thank you…”

***

The last bell rings everyone in the class rushes out leaving Nyx alone in the classroom; she approaches the teacher.

“Mr. Jonson. Do you have a moment?”

“Of course Nyx, what do you need?”

“It’s about the clothes you offered me the other day… I didn’t mean to be rude.” Nyx looks at her feet wiggling her toes, clad in tattered shoes.

“No, it is okay I understand, sometimes pride is a hard thing to overcome.” He gives her a bittersweet smile, “if you are still interested I have them in the trunk of my car along with some extra lunch.”

Nyx nods, Mr. Jonson smiles and motions for her to leave first his eyes following her in a very indecent away. Despite how people see Nyx she is a very attractive girl not far from Angela’s own beauty. They arrive at the car and Mr. Jonson pops the trunk handing Nyx a large duffle bag.

“There is a pair of shoes in there as well; you look about the same size as my daughter.” He closes the trunk, goes to the front passenger seat, takes out a lunch box, and hands it to Nyx, “My extra lunch.”

“Thank you Mr. Jonson… maybe there really are nice people in this cold, cruel world…” Nyx gives a short bow and leaves, purposely swaying her hips.

“Sure there are Nyx… Sure there are.” Mr. Jonson bites his bottom lip his gaze following Nyx, “I just can’t wait until you truest me enough”

Stupid old man, I know exactly what type of person you are, Nyx thinks to herself as she walks away.

***

Nyx arrives at an abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of the city. She sneaks in though a broken window walking past other homeless people: runaways, drug addicts and alcoholics, people with mental disorders and people with just plain bad luck. We are the forgotten of this world, the ones that everyone looks down on, even when we have done nothing wrong. Nyx turns a corner and faces a wall covered in drawings with a neatly folded blanket atop a flattened cardboard box.

“I’m home…” Nyx states staring coldly at the corner, she has lived in everyday for the past four years. She sits cross-legged and opens the duffle bag Mr. Jonson gave her and empties the content in front of her.

“Okay, what did he give me?” She unfolds and refolds everything as she assesses the cloths. “Mini-skirts, crop-tops, mini-dresses, and a pair of heels: I can sell this to the corner girls for a good amount.” Nyx puts everything back into the duffle, pleased with the content.

Nyx takes off her dress pulling out a pack of baby wipes, she starts wiping her body down staring out of the window wondering how different her world would have been if she had been just a little richer, if her father hadn’t died, if she had found someone honest to help her. Nyx is busy thinking about the ‘what if’s’ of her life she doesn’t hear the footsteps coming towards her.

“Nice of you to take initiative,” A male voice brakes into Nyx’ far off thoughts, she looks at the man, tense.

“What do you want Alec?” Nyx’ voice tipped with ice but rooted in fear, she puts down the wipe she was using and reaches for the box cutter she picks up earlier, but Alec snatches it out of her hands.

“No need to be so uptight, Nyx,” Alec grabs her chin and tilts it up, as he looks her body up and down, eyes with the gaze of a starving wolf. “You know the drill you want to stay in this warehouse you pay up.” Nyx lies down on her makeshift bed without an ounce of objection and stays motionless.

“You’re such a good girl,” Alec dismisses his men with a flick of the wrist and strips placing the box cutter on top of his discarded cloths, “It’s been nearly two months since I last had you.” Alec bites Nyx’ shoulder hard enough to draw blood; she closes her eyes and bites her lips holding back the screams and tears that threaten to leave her.

“Don’t hold back… I want to hear your voice see your tears” He licks off the blood from the bite and continues his course, rougher than usual.

***

“That was the best hour of my life Nyx, hope we can do this again,” She looks at Alec with a broken look in her eyes, she lay there looking like a porcelain doll; not one ounce of will left in her abused body. He leans down kissing a few of the bites he left on her body. “I love it when you get that look in your eyes; the same eyes from when I found you, Nyx, don’t forget I own you and no one else gets to touch you the way I do…”

Alec gets dressed and drops five twenty dollar bills on top of her along with the box cutter. Nyx simply closes her eyes and goes to sleep trying to forget the twisted life she lives, Alec watches.

“No matter how my actions seem…” Alec caresses Nyx’ sleeping face “I love you.” Alec covers her with the blanket and leaves with a soft kiss to Nyx’ chapped lips. 

***

“Nyx, Sweet heart, wake up.”

Dad, Is that you?

“Of course silly”

Big callused hands caress Nyx’ hair, she looks up to see the loving face of her father.

Papa! It’s really you Papa!

“Yes it is sweet heart.”

Her father’s face starts to deform his skin erupting with boils that bubble and explode like violently boiling water. His soft voice becomes denatured turning into the growls and groans of unearthly beasts, the voice of the devil itself. The unnatural growls and groans slowly start to form words, the words that will hunt her for the rest of her mortal life.

“I own you…”

The room starts to spin, the walls develop mouths and eyes; they look at her, they laugh at her. The walls start closing in, tentacles start wrapping around her, squeezing her helpless young body.

Papa! Papa! Help me!

“He won’t come my precious Nyx”

Alec’s voice whispers into her ear as he throws her onto the ground undoing his belt…

“No!” Nyx opens her watery eyes her body covered in a cold sweat, she hugs her knees to her chest refusing to let the tears fall. “Why does this always happen to me, always to me… it’s not my fault… it’s not my fault I don’t have anywhere to go… Tell me why, it’s only ever to me!” She screams at the top of her lungs, smacking her head against the concrete wall violently; she digs her nails into the sides of her face dragging them down to her neck ending the trail of raised skin right above her exposed breasts. She gives a groan of relief at the pain, looking out the window with a glazed look over her eyes, the eyes of a lost soul.

Pain… I forgot how much it can help, how much this pain can help, this pain I can control, Nyx thinks to herself, franticly looking for the box cutter she took from Angela. She finds it, slides the blade out. Pain, a pain I can control.

Nyx looks at the sharp blade with loving eyes. She presses the tool to her forearm feeling it sink into her flesh and the stinging pain engulf her body and mind. Yes, that’s what I want. Yes, make me forget. Nyx takes a deep breath and lets it go as she extends the cut looking at the flowing blood with adoring, caring eyes: the eyes given to someone loved. She repeats the motions multiple times each cut going a little deeper than the one before. The blood bubbles up from the cuts, gravity pulls it down around her arm and to the ground; each cut, each drop of blood helping her forget of the pain held inside. Nyx gets up walking to the window looking at her reflection; everything from her neck down, full of bite marks and handprints but not her face.

It’s never my face… I wonder if Alec would still like me if I didn’t have this face, with the look of decision in her eyes, Nyx brings the blade to the right side of her face right under the end of her eyebrow and brings it down to the edge of her lip. She does this three times, each deep enough to leave nasty scars the left side of her face suffering the same treatment. Nyx lets the blood drip as she hugs the box cutter to her naked frame.  

“You’re my only friend… you’re my only light in this messed up world.” Nyx goes into an aggressive fit of laughter; her laughter turning into yells her eyes wide tears on the brink of falling. “I won’t cry! Crying is for the weak and I am strong!”

Nyx’ body finally gives out from having excreted so much energy; she passes out on the cold, dirty concrete floor.

How fitting…

***

Morning comes, the warm rays of lights waking Nyx from her dreamless sleep. She forces her soar and pained body to crawl towards her makeshift bed; she wipes the dried blood and semen off her person, dresses and eats the lunch Mr. Jonson gave her. Nyx makes her way to school mentally preparing for the ridicule that she will be facing once she steps into class.

***

Nyx enters the school passing her classroom having decided that she is not ready for their ignorant taunts and judging eyes. She forces her unwilling body up eight flights of stairs to the fourth floor girl’s bathroom. Nyx opens the door and is meet with Angela’s heavy eyes. Nyx doesn’t acknowledge her and simply goes into one of the stalls and stairs into nothing. Angela looks at her confused.

“Umm… excuse me?” Angela opens the bathroom stall’s door and sees Nyx’ freshly wounded face and forearm, “Are you okay? What happened?”

Angela runs to her book bag and retrieves a first aid kit and treats Nyx’ injuries, a worried look on her face having never seen someone is such a pitiful state before. Angela couldn’t help but think she had to help Nyx somehow.

“Hey, do you remember me? You helped me out yesterday.” Angela places a hand on Nyx’ shoulder and Nyx jumps at the contact looking at Angela with scared eyes. Angela immediately understood, “Is someone hurting you? You can tell me I’ll help you…”

Angela gives Nyx a pleading look, hoping, wishing for Nyx to open up to her; a low cackle emits from Nyx’ frail looking form.

“Why would you want to help me?” Nyx gives Angela a serious, cold look. “I’ve spent the last six years of my sixteen years of life looking for someone to help me, but no one has come, why would I truest you Ms. Prim-and-Proper-Rich-Girl?”

“…because I’m not the pampered rich brat everyone paints me to be!” Angela yells out tears in her eyes.

“That doesn’t mean you know the pain I’m in, you’re the same as everyone else you ignore those ‘socially’ lower than you!” Nyx yells at Angela breathing heavy as Nyx tries to control herself.

“I know that I may not be going or have gone through the same things you have been though but I understand not belonging I understand having to overcome troubles.” Angela replies in a soft voice, trying to calm Nyx down. “Just like you said yesterday ‘everyone has their reasons for hating themselves and the world they live in,’ despite everything we are essentially the same Nyx.”

Nyx looks up at Angela looking directly into her eyes; Nyx gives a soft and short cackle her vision becoming blurry from the army of tears invading her eyes.

“We have the same eyes… Maybe I’m being just as ignorant as the people I hate…” Nyx says in a wavering voice, the army finally breaks though the barricade Nyx built the last six years of her life.

Nyx lets herself cry earnestly. Cry for the mother that ran out on her. Cry for the father that died. Cry for the years of having to suffer though hunger pangs. Cry for the four years of sexual abuse at Alec’s hands. Cry for how pitiful she felt because she couldn’t do anything about her situation.

“It’s okay I’ll help you, I’ll help you,” Angela hugs Nyx tightly as she cries... 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ Authors Notes: Thank You for reading my story. Also to all the readers Would you a story about 1) Angela's situation while everything is going on in Nyx' life, 2) A 3 part story on Alec's life and how he meet Nyx, 3) A 3 part story on Nyx Early life befor she was homeless aswell as how her father died and/or 4) what happened to Nyx and Angela after this story ] 


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