delusional young man

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
i'm bored. and want help on my writing.

Submitted: July 05, 2016

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Submitted: July 05, 2016

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"So, did I make it?" The Yearning Young Male would immediately ask his question, without any hesitation. The Young Male was phlegmatic and his overall demeanor and presence was truly one that you would describe that of a fabled hero face with final adversary. He was ready for the answer, all his hope banging on it being what he wanted to hear. 
 
"No." Quickly as the question was posed, so was the answer. How he said it was so callous and powerful. Nothing else would be said, as nothing else needed to be said. But this was only for a few moments as the Young Male tried to swallow this pill. 
 
That single word would dispirit the young male; who was finally was able to ask his long sought after question. Though, the pain from the answer truly was something that he couldn't bare, even with expecting it prior to asking, he just stood there. Lost and addled. Not even breathing, as he felt as if he was within the vacuum of space. Unable to mutter a single word or move a single muscle, helpless. How? Why? Were the two simple questions that he would, mentally, ask himself as he continued to just gaze forward. Gritting his teeth and clenching his fists till they bled, he would let out a sigh of relief. And the air that had been kicked out of him would return. His gaze wouldn't stray away from the other man as he spoke once again, and his expression appeared of one that was contrary to how he felt moments ago. 
 
"Well, I am hurt. No, devastated. After doing so much and overcoming the impossible, I wasn't able to come out on top. I wasn't able to be first. I failed. But, knowing that. I can't just feel this way, I shouldn't. Right? I've done more than anyone else in my predicament could've done. But knowing that I was able to at least reach this point, I guess I can't feel so crushed and defeated. Right?" 
 
"Do you feel that you did all you could do? Do you feel as if this isn't fair? Do you feel as if you should get one more chance? You, like the others that've come before you, seem to feel at least one of those three things. And I will say to you. As i've said to them. It doesn't matter, not anymore. You've failed, and nothing you could've done could've permuted the inevitable. "
 
"Oh, then I guess I shouldn't hold this in anymore." The Young male would say as he would stop his fake forced smile, and let his tears uncontrollably stream down his face. His knees buckling and the pressure from it all forcing him to the ground. No words would be uttered, from either man. All there was were the bellowing cries of the young male. Hours would trickle by before the tears stopped. 
 
"Can I ask one favor?" 
 
"And what would that favor be? Keep in mind, I can't give you another chance. Nor can I send you to that other place for what you have done." 
 
"I assumed that much, but that wasn't the favor. I want. I want to see it all again, but not alone. I want to watch it all with you. That is all I ask before you take me." 
 
"Well, that is an inexplicable favor. Never has anyone asked that of me, not once. Sure, we can watch it all again. Is there a specific point you want to start at? Oh, and keep in mind. Me accepting this request doesn't mean I will stop it at any time, not at all. We will indeed watch it all. From ever you want to start to this point right now."
 
"That is fine. And I want to..... go back to my nineteenth birthday. The morning it all had started." 
 
As if like magic the two of them would appear there, within the room. The room that it all had started at. A bare hotel room that the young male had seclude himself to. There the Young Male sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at the time on the alarm clock. A homespun expression on his face as he patiently waiting for the clock to hit twelve. 
 
"What is your name?" The Young Male would ask the other Man, as the two looked at his former self. 
 
"Just call me. Belial. What about you?" 
 
"The child sitting on the bed. His name was *******. You can address me as that, or anything. As I no longer am him, but the product of his choices." 
 
"Very well, Young Man. But, what was going on with you here? Explain what was going on through your mind, when you were sitting there." 
 
"Well, I just turned Nineteen. And I thought, I thought something would happen. As me growing older another year signified something, well I thought it did. Being a year out of school and not having any real worries yet, I thought maybe I would see God. Maybe he would enter the room I was within and place a hand on my shoulder, and let me know that I had made it another year. That I didn't have to think what I thought anymore. That I was nothing. A fragile older Brother that was worthless. As I wasn't like most my age. I didn't get into trouble, well serious trouble, and had many opportunities out there for me. Shit, two days before my Birthday I met the girl that would steal my heart. And even before that I was accepted into the college I always wanted to attend, since I was a child. My Father had been released from Prison. I had friends and family that genuinely cared for my well being. Not most can say that. But, I still didn't enjoy life. I didn't want to keep living, as I felt I lived enough. I had overstayed my welcome within this world, and I could leave. "
 
"You really are depressing. But, I don't understand. Why? From what you say nothing is that bad in your life that you should want to end it. But, rather keep living." 
 
"You would think that. But, that isn't the mindset I have, or well had. I'm different, well I like to think that. Yes, at first I see the best of what I have and could have if I just focus on the positive. But then I analyzing it a bit more and see that it isn't perfect. No, that isn't the right word. I see it as it isn't really possible for me to get that happiness. " 
 
The Young Male would stop speaking as the two watched on. ****** seemed to be succumbing to his depression and was crying, playing any song that he had on his phone that would stimulate any sad vibes. Pushing himself into a lower state of mind that he was previously in, just to make it even more painful. Wanting to make sure that this pain he felt, right now, wouldn't just be something he could ignore after a few minutes. But something that would allow him to take that next step to end it all, and not have to feel the pain any longer. Soon it got to that point and he held the gun, that he brought on this trip, out of his bag and held it to his temple. He was ready to end it all, but he was a coward. No matter how hard he pushed himself to the edge he couldn't jump, not at this point in his life. 
 

 


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