Don't Marry Him

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Long time best friends, a confession and a revelation

Submitted: July 07, 2016

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Submitted: July 07, 2016

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I always knew how I would look on my wedding day. Lovely silk white gown, subtle make up, beautiful up-do and long veil. I would march down the ailse in a matter of minutes and marry Victor, the handsome, smart and charming accountant.

But I never thought how I would feel. I assumed I would be ecstatic and ready. But all I feel is dread. And it's taking every ounce of will power I have to not take this suffocating silk gown off and flee. Like Cinderella. Only I wouldn't leave a shoe behind. And I wouldn't return.

I sigh. I wouldn't do it though. That would be to selfish on my part, and I really do love Victor. But the events of last week keep playing in my head, causing over whelming guilt and doubt. Would I ever tell Victor what happened? Probably not. I would let it eat away at me until the day I died.

I jumped a little when a knock sounded at my door. I lifted my skirts and made my way to the hotel room door. I knew my bridesmaids were getting ready in their seperate room. And mother had already gone down to the hotel bar to flirt shamelessly with the bartender. So who would be looking for me?

"Hey Cas."

His voice cracked a little, and there was almost no color in his normally tan face. Dark circles rimmed his bloodshot eyes, and his bow tie hung loosley around his neck. He looked terrible. I hated that. Not because he was my best friend and I hated to see him suffering so much, but because even in a half drunken stage, he looked delicious.

"Eric." I stammered.

We stood there frozen, just staring at one another for what seemed like hours. But only a few seconds had ticked by before he spoke again.

"You look beautiful." He said, looking me up and down.

It was weird how I craved his eyes on me, yet felt almost sick when his gaze wandered all over. I suddenly felt very weak and in need of a stiff drink.

"Thanks." I managed. "You want to come in?"

Eric nodded and walked past me. I closed the door and placed a shakey hand on the wall to brace myself. I watched him carefully, trying to figure him out.

I used to be able to read his thoughts. All through high school and college. He had been my best friend. We had been through so much together, but now he seemed like a stranger to me. Tears threatened to spill on my perfectly done cheeks, and I willed myself not to cry.

"Eric, why are you here?" I asked.

His let his head hang with a heavy sigh.

"I needed to talk to you Cassie." He said. "Before it was to late."

I don't know what it was, but I suddenly let out a chuckle.

"Too late?" I almost screamed.

Last week came flooding back to my memory for the millionth time since it happened. The innocent way he tucked my hair behind my ear. The way his lips suddenly felt against mine. The realization of how I had always loved him more than he would ever know.

I had given in to him, and led him to my bed. The bed I shared with the man who was waiting for me to pledge myself to until we died. I let his lips drag across my skin, and I didn't stop him when I should have. I let him hold me after. I let myself smile and not feel one ounce of guilt when I should have felt horrible.

"You are too late Eric!" I shouted. "I gave you the opportunity last week, and what did you do? You walked away from me!"

I was shaking with rage now, and it took everything I had not to punch my best friend.

"I know Cassie, ok?"

"No, you don't know Eric." I spat. "I told you how I felt. I told you that I loved you, and that I would call off the wedding to give you a try. Just like I had in high school. Do you know how embarrassing it is for me when we go out and everyone knows how I feel about you? How embarrassing it is to know that as soon as I leave, you and your pals talk about how stupid I am for loving a man who has never loved me back? How-"

Before I could continue, Eric's lips were on mine once more, his hands cradling my face. And just like that, my anger melted away and was replaced by desperation. Eric, my Eric, was kissing me again. I gave into my temptation and kissed him back with everything I had. I poured every ounce of love, lust, and passion that I had for this man into my lips.

When he finally pulled away, his forehead rested heavily on mine. He was breathing heavily. His hands moved from my face and found my fingers. He intertwined them and brought them to his lips, kissing them softly.

"I love you Cassie." He whispered. "I have always loved you from the moment I met you."

His words were like a soothing balm to my soul. The words that I had longed to hear for years were finally embedded into a memory I was sure to hang onto forever.

"You scare the hell out of me Cas." He explained. "I never wanted to take that leap because you are so gentle and kind. You are so good. To good. You are to beautiful, to charming. You light up the room with a single smile, and that intimidates the hell out of me."

His compliments flowed through my veins, warming me. I could feel a pleasent glow, radiating from within me.

"But I love you." He continued. "And I want to spend the rest of my life proving that to you."

His lips were on mine again, and I kissed back. I was floating on a cloud. He was the only man, and I was the only woman in the world. I longed for a future with him. Until I came crashing back down to earth.

"Oh Cassie!"

One of my bridesmaids called. "It's time to get married!"

I pulled away from Eric's embrace.

"I'll be out in a minute!" I called back.

Eric grabbed my hand and held it close to his chest. His free hand cupped my shoulder, and his eyes shone with the promise of a life we could start together.

But I realized I couldn't. He had waited to long to finally tell me how he truly felt, and I had given him multiple opportunities to do so. He hadn't taken a single one. And suddenly, I saw him for what he truly was. A coward. And I was so angry and hurt, that I couldn't see a future with him at all.

"I can't do this." I said, cursing the tremble in my voice.

His slight smirk vanished.

"What?" He tightened his grip. "Why?"

I didn't have it in my heart to tell him the reason. What would it do? As he mentioned, I was kind. And though a rage filled me, I couldn't bear to hurt the man who had once been closest to me.

"I have to go."

That was all I said, trying to pull away.

"No you don't." He said, desperation filling his voice.

"Yes, I do, they're waiting for me." I said, pulling further away from him. "I'm sorry."

I finally pulled free from his grip. I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"Please."

Was the last thing I heard before I shut the door.

I waited for the tears to come, for the over whelming sadness to take over my body. But nothing came. I had just shut the door on my best friend, and cut any ties I may have had with him in the future. I should have been shaking uncontrollably, or crying so hard that I was fighting for breath. But nothing came. I felt numb.

"Cassie!"

A bridesmaid called from down the hall.

I walked towards the elevator. I saw my reflection in the doors, disoriented and barely recognizable. I couldn't recognize myself. And that's when I realized, I didn't want to get married. I wanted adventure, and new things. Eric couldn't give me that, but neither could Victor. I didn't want to be tied down. I wanted to be on my own for the first time ever.

And then I ran. I ran down the stairs, into the lobby and out the doors. I took a deep breath and smiled when I could feel the sun on my face. I could breath again. I took my veil off, shook a few of the bobby pins from my hair.

I got into the back of a shiney black sudan.

"Where to?" The driver asked.

"Anywhere."


© Copyright 2017 Elizabeth Eaglestone. All rights reserved.