Freewrite

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 07, 2016

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Submitted: July 07, 2016

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Hm.. what to write about. I don't know, I have too many thoughts running a marathon in my head, I wouldn't know where to begin. I still feel crappy about this whole break-up nonsense and while what I'm about to write won't make sense, I'm not over it but I'm over it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am over this feeling of misery. I haven't talked to the guy for a little more than a week now. I will go out on a limb here and say that he doesn't want to talk to me. I think that he's doing what he can to "get over" me, that is, if he hasn't gotten over me already and I'm the one who needs to catch up. One of the things about the whole situation that bugs me is how we weren't even in a relationship for a month. Then again, everything can change in one day, the amount of time shouldn't really be relevant but it is. It is because people expect you to move on quickly and don't understand why you're sad about something that they'd be over in a heartbeat. Everyone is different though. I may have not been with this particular person for a month or a year, but the things that were said by him in the relationship, that is what makes it seem like it was longer. He was pretty damn convincing, I must admit, but not enough to get completely past my barriers. All I can think about is what he's doing. Asking myself, "What is he thinking about? Is he thinking about me? Does he miss me?" I can't nor should I speak for him but I feel as though I know the answers to those questions, and the answer is: no. I can't sleep at night. My mind refuses to shut off. I can't relax. I'm anxious, upset, angry, restless, uncomfortable, and anything else that is along the lines of feeling like shit. I'm slipping into the abyss of insanity and he's perfectly fine. I just don't understand it. I really don't. Am I supposed to? Will I stumble across the reason why things didn't work out between us? Is it going to make me feel worse than I do now? The unknown scares me. These unanswered questions lingering in my mind. Do I have the strength to rise above this? Is it possible that I'm afraid of my own strength? Well, it wouldn't be the first time that I was afraid to shed this skin of insecurity. I'm not even sure why I would be afraid to do so. It should be a good thing, not bad. I know that I have it in me to come back stronger and wiser than before, but for some reason, I am holding back. I think that that's the story of my life, holding back. I hold a lot back and I've grown accustomed to doing so to the point where I end up feeling insecure. It's odd. When it comes down to it, I need to look inside of myself and take hold. I need to stop being scared and worried of what others think of me. They're certainly not concerned about what I or anyone else thinks of them, why should I be? I have all of these questions needing answers, and I'm going to do what I can to answer them. End scene.


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