Thinking vs Thoughts

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 09, 2016

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Submitted: July 09, 2016




Can you identify the worst thought you’ve ever had? Can you scan the files of your own personnel Dewey Decimal System and come up with one of those rectangular cards that always seemed to have a certain odour and read a piece of hell spun literature that you, you created yourself? I can. There’s a certain amount of regret that comes with this admission, all of it justified. But is it? Is it really justified? This would preclude that one can ascertain how thoughts come to be. 


Are thoughts the end result of proactive focus. No, that would be invention. Invention takes thoughts and expands on them. Engineering, Physics, folding clothes at the Gap - all of those disciplines require thought in order to prove that it was dumb and stupid to begin with. This is thinking. There is a difference between thinking and having a thought. Sometimes, the process - thinking - will end up in conclusion referred to as a thought. A fair and accurate description notwithstanding. 


But I’m talking about the ‘out of the blue, didn’t see it coming, am I having a flashback’ kind of thought that you weren’t looking for. I daresay that you weren’t even thinking about it. Where do these come from? Can you be held responsible when they do happen? Let’s say you were sitting in class one day when you were tenteen, and suddenly, as fast as it takes an elephant not to blink, you get this indelible image of Theo and Loretta spanking your best friend Tommy. Do I really deserve a detention for turning around to Tommy with a thought like that? Apparently, yes. I had plenty of time to ponder my alleged guilt as I wrote on the board, ‘Thought crime leads to masturbation’ (or maybe it was ‘don’t talk during class, my memory...). At least two things bothered me about all of this. First, if I didn’t think it, how can I accept any level of guilt? It’s like getting run over by a car, and then being blamed for the way the driver’s blanket was folded on the back seat. Identical, in fact. Secondly, and to a much greater level of concern, why was I imagining Tommy getting spanked?  


And just how original are these ideas? I once heard that when any person has a new and seemingly original one of a kind idea, that twenty other people throughout the world are having it too. What about through history? Has the image of Tommy’s Discipline played out before? I imagine a cave...








We’re not sure of the time period but Bronto-surprise was on the menu at Hghps Hungry Hominid eatery last night. Two of Unch’s classmates brought the leftovers for their lunch. The teacher is droning on about flints in the zero century. Unch - as he was want to do - started daydreaming about bones and dirt when, all of a sudden, out of the blue, he saw his best friend Gug getting spanked by Qrnkl and Brittany. A flash of momentary imagery that - up to that point - had yet to be seen. Unch turns to Gug






“Gug, I just had the most epic vision. You were being hunted down by the lionesses Qrnkl and Brittany. They chased your sorry ass until you ran out of steam. They pounced and went medieval all over you again and again. It was like Saturday night at the meet and greet only backwards.”






“Gug say, talk plain. Understand not. Language never catch on.”






“Unch, detention. Chisel on wall, ‘Thought crime lead to...’








It might have happened just like that. I might be the recipient of reused ideas. Passed on time and time again until one day, it’s in my head. That still doesn’t explain Tommy, though.


There are those who suggest that ideas exist always. Okay, I’m suggesting it. I believe that while Unch and Gug were learning about the latest development in rock flints, the idea for the iphone was sitting right beside them. Just waiting. Does this mean that an idea that won’t be borne out for another million years is sitting beside me at this very moment? You can bet Tommy’s spanked ass it is. Why can’t I shake this Tommy image? 


Okay, if we establish that all ideas are here at all times, how to they get inside our head when we’re not thinking about them? How do they get down the hall, through the door, up some stairs to another hall, which leads to a door at the end of the other stairs (no one said this would be easy)before passing an open window on the way to the last door...and then ‘boom!’, just like that, you’re imagining Allen Parsons, urinating behind a bank in Soho. Why? More importantly, how? Did Unch have the same thought?


“Hey Gug, one day, this guy who really digs Edgar Allen Poe, will unsheathe his package, and let fly with a wicked spray of u-rine behind a place where pennies go to die. I just saw it in my head.”


“Unch, talk dumb. Pick nose.”


Who’s to say it didn’t happen. One could argue that our living history, experiences and events do much to shape anything that pops into our heads. I imagine an oven in my brain where ingredients are mixed and baked, all without my knowledge. And when it’s done, poof!, it’s sent to the part of my brain that actually pays attention. 


Gun to my head, I’d have to say I like it this way. It creates a sense of expectation. Sometimes, these random machinations are the only things that get me through the day. I know that when I’m folding laundry, and I’m getting to the socks, I’ll have a thought that may be uniquely mine. It just might be the only time in the the history of humans that this idea existed. Which brings me back to my original question: can you recall the worst thought that ever popped into your head? I can, and if I was the only one to think it, then my innocence can be assumed. As I sit here wondering about sharing this story, it dawns on me; my innocence is lost the moment I share it with others. There is always a rub. Speaking of rub...this one I can share. What do you call a bad masseuse? Someone who rubs you the wrong way. Just popped in.

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