honestly...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
how I feel..basically.

Submitted: July 13, 2016

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Submitted: July 13, 2016

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I feel like I’m worthless every day, of every minute. I don’t understand why I can’t feel pretty I don’t understand why I can’t accept myself for who I am I hate that at the moment I’m by myself I feel like shit from a day of laughter and being around friends I forgot who I was, I was someone they wanted to see and I’m starting to believe that’s me and then here comes 3:10. Time to go home and you remember that none of those people know who you are ,what you do, they don’t see,  but the only 8 hours of the day, however; they don’t see you not even your own boyfriend knows how you feel he thinks you’re mad at him but you’re not, your mad at yourself because you don’t feel like you’re good enough because you can barely have a conversation with him when you always have an attitude and you don’t mean to, although; you  have one and we hate it because you feel like trash when the past hits you, you  can’t think about it because you have to move on  or people think you're exaggerating now just tell me am I going to be okay or am I going to feel like this forever? I just want to understand who I am I want to understand why; I do it, why I even try sometimes why I can’t just give up?

Let’s count for a minute 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,and 9….and it keeps on going; 10,11,and 12! Life is numbers it keeps on going, every life is a number I am number who the hell knows, which one it is!! Honestly, you’re a number, everywhere; at the store, at the doctors, to the government, but in family, friends and whoever else they know you by your name, age, nickname, and so on.

And well love is a big word, I mean isn’t it? I’m fourteen thinking about love; pretty funny if you ask me! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, and again LOVE! Okay. I’m going to stop with the “L” word if you know what I mean. Teenagers are the ones that can’t be understood we’re expected to be able to act our age or be treated as an adult. We’re not allowed to do many things example were not able to understand love, but in reality, we are the ones that understand it the most. We are the ones that let ourselves get destroyed or decide if were able to become someone “build ourselves up.”

I mean common what shit is this!!! Let me stop before I keep lying, love is just another fucking word in the damn dictionary. I mean don’t tell me you believe that crap, people are foolish by thinking that it’s all you need?! I was in that boat at one point; I think I am, well I hope I am. I’m just not all about it now; it’s nice to have someone and to tell them “I love you or I miss you!”

 Feelings are pretty confusing, huh?  They are understandable, acceptable, and normal!

E.G


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honestly...

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