Stepping out of oblivion

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: July 15, 2016

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Submitted: July 14, 2016

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As I stare helplessly at the nauseatingly blank mustard coloured walls I visually draw my dreams with my piercing dark orbs which seem to  barricade the light from being truthfully revealed. The rapidly slug-paced time shuffles past like an old man crossing an endless road, as I get lost in modern luxuries, pessimistic thoughts and anti-social activities obliviously isolating myself from society. 

The constant contemplation of my future and what seems like a necessity to meet standards far from my reach in order to live a life of luxury, spontaneity and wealth drive me into a dark wall of dejection and sadness. 

Isolated.

I feel trapped in my own conscience. I soon hit a brutally realistic point of surrender, acceptance as to questioning why. Why is this deafening silence destroying my capabilities and relationship with society and striving to demolish my wellbeing?

I lay there in a forced attempt to unlock my mind and free my  abstractly dark thoughts in hope to gain a sense of optimism with the intention to let go of my fears and evolve into a better person. But I fail.Again and again. I spiral back into a vacuum like tunnel gathering all my burdens with me as I allow the doors to close dominantly on me as I thoughtlessly return to my lazy pitiful state.

I ask myself, is this self-pity worth it? I convince my conscious that I could simply step out of monotonous comfort zone and live like a normal socially aware teenager and release myself from this nagging pain. But again, I question myself change could be the reason things escalate and I loose all hope. Why? why can't I just step out of this box and convince my doubtful self that society will accept me ?

Because they won't. 

I am perceived as a threat. A danger to others, and a walking black cloud of terror. Simply because I do not conform to the unhesitantly judgemental world. 

Perhaps my life lacks the spark that ignites everyone elses. I go about my regular repetitive life with defeat as I embrace myself and gain a marvelous blindness to negativity whilst understanding that I am my own spark. 

I struggle not to slip into oblivion again. But I remain consistent with my replacement of negativity with positivity as I discover myself through acceptance.

 


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