Recent Comments
The description was lovely and you crammed a lot of information in this first chapter. While it kind of felt overwhelming, it also quickly dragged me into the story so that's a plus. I could picture every scene. Your characters are believable and I enjoyed their background. I probably would've preferred it all to have been revealed a little more slowly though, across a few chapters instead of all at once. I pointed out a few typos as I went, mostly about verbs, but otherwise it was very well-written. I'm curious how it will go and what twists you'll introduce because it feels a little predicable right now. Great job though and I'm glad the Review Chain brought me here.
Thu, October 27th, 2016 4:31pm
Author
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Thank you so much for the kind comment! True, the first chapter had quite a lot of things happening in it, mainly because I wanted to lead my readers into the story flow and background of the golden archer as soon as possible. Right now, I am also considering to thin and devide the contents into many chapters, too. Thanks for pointing out the typos! As for the twists, there will be some later on, although not somethng too excessive, but quite heavily affecting on the character's emotions, and it will play an integral role in the path the story took from there. Overall, glad you enjoyed the story!
Thu, October 27th, 2016 6:43pm
I just finished reading this story, and i wonder that u write this before or after "The knight of Chimera. Even this is not quite fantasy as that story, but it's seems smoother for me.
Author
Reply
You have keen eyes. Yes, The Golden Rain was written after The Knight of Chimera as the fourth story in my seven fantasy novellas collection. Among the seven stories, I will admit that The Golden Rain is one of my favorites, alongside The Knight of Chimera and The Descent from Paradise. The plot and characters seems to flow more smoothly as I got into it, and the actions, fantasy, and romance elements in the story seemed to fit together quite well. Although it could still use lots of improvement, I'm glad I have written the tale down on paper. Thank you so much for the positive feedback, I really appreciate it!
Sun, April 2nd, 2017 3:32am
Nicely described and an interesting story. I'm not really good at reviews yet. I read the comments below too. Was I supposed to read the other 3 stories first?
Sun, July 16th, 2017 4:33pm
Author
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Oh, that's not necessary at all, Skulk. The post was just about the other fantasy stories I've written, set in the same fantasy world. I had something like a plan in the future to unite the 3 (and more) stories together as one single tale, but that's still a long way off. I'm glad you liked the story! :)
Sun, July 16th, 2017 11:21pm
hi, stars here. Don't think I've ever read your work but why not, I like fantasy, I like reading lol. I clicked on this one and saw it only had five chapters and was about to opt out bc I only like reading things far along so I don't have to wait an eternity for updates (that may not come lol) but I saw the quote by Shelly and just had to check it out. I adore Frankenstein.
Anyhoo.
So...I'm not sure what kind of feedback you're looking for. Some people want critiques on how to improve their work, other people just want praise. I've found that most people just want praise on this website. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm not sure what you want- but if you'd like some constructive criticism I will gladly give it. I had a few gripes about this chapter, but I'll stick to the most irritating one lol.
So... woman throws herself in front of her father's murderer and we get this description of her heavenly features and it just totally kills the intensity/ tension that otherwise could've been really nail biting at the possibility of death or the internal confict of Sebastian. It sucked me right out of the action.
Otherwise, this was interesting, really interesting. The weapon Sebastian recovers sounds extremely intriguing and I'm interested to know about his heritage and how he came to be an assassin. As far as the maiden's capture... I'm not so sure what she'll add to Sebastian's plot, I mean...I don't know where the plot's going bc he got the weapon he wanted and now he has his enemy's daughter- why he didn't just kill her and jump out the window, I don't know? Does he know her? Does he plan on holding a randsom? Like some insight why he decided to capture would've been nice because he could've easily slit her throat and jumped out the window alone.
So yeah! I'll be following this, unless I decide to read something that's a touch more complete. Nicely done.
Author
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Thank you so much for the feedback, stars! :)
Sun, January 20th, 2019 10:14pmFacebook Comments
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At long last I have read the two chapters you asked me to! It has been quite a spectacular journey but at last I am complete.
Wed, September 28th, 2016 9:47amMy opinion is that your language is absolutely breathtaking but you seem to have a terminal case of exposition overload. If there's any advice I'd want you to take from me it is: "Show, don't tell."
Another thing I find odd is that you seem to rush the story. I don't know if it's good or not that I have asked myself: "Where is the story going?"
Author
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Thank you for your positive feedback and constructive advice! It is true, I am trying to rush the story a bit, an attempt to reach the deadline at the end of my summer break. (When my free time to write novels will come to an end) So the story may seemed a bit more rushed than it should have been. Additionally, there are many instances that I just can not find ways to express my xharacter's emotions completely, so those areas still could use some improvement. Overall, based on these observations, I will try to calibrate my stories and writing styles in a more fluidic manner in the future!
Fri, October 14th, 2016 7:11am