The Lies On Our Minds

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is actually just an excerpt from my blog. It was the first post that was really inspired and I thought it could also work very well as a short story. I believe it contains a lot of things that you girls can relate to.

Submitted: July 21, 2016

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Submitted: July 21, 2016

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Girls are pretentious. That is one of our greatest problems. If a cute guy looks at you, all he sees are tits and ass. He does not look at you because he likes you so much, admires you and wants to be with you. Boys do not fall in love that easily. For us, it’s one look, a nice gesture like opening the door, helping you or giving you a jacket when you’re cold. We think that boys do not do that if they are not in love. Let me tell you something: in 99% of every case a boy is nice to you, he is motivated by lust and not by love. Please do not make the same mistake as me and fall for it. Boys are easy, if they are in love with you, you’ll know. Only very few gestures are actually real signs. Especially with pretty guys who think that they are awesome and sexy and that everyone wants to be with them. There are of course other sorts of boys. On my holiday in Paris (that is ending today) there were two different types of guys. The ones that the upper description applies to and the invisible ones, not the kings of high school. I got in touch with both groups in very different ways. The second ones have turned out the be some of the best company I have ever had. One is as artistic and broody as me, some are musicians and the others are just nice and fun. But the one thing that I like most about them is also the one thing that utterly parts them from the other group: they are honest. There is no hidden agenda. They mean what they say and there is no way that they are going to laugh about you after your conversation because they do not feel superior to you. I could be more of myself with them. This trip has made us friends and unlike with the other group, we are not just going to forget about it as soon as school starts again. Those other guys are definitely different. They are a little bit too sure of themselves, they know that they can do anything, show you mercy and accept you or take you down completely. So this one guy I told you about? He is a member o that group. And that is also one of the reasons why I was so psyched about it. If a guy like that is into you, you get a free pass to the upper class. It’s very similiar to Willy Wonka’s golden tickets, there are very few and of all the ones that have the chance to use them only one really makes it. The simple possibility that I could be so lucky made me get through my darkest days and times of the trip. I am so glad that I have made this experience, because although it was embarrassing, there are two really great advantages. First, every time (I know that it sounds wrong to say that since it has only happened twice but I just know that it would be the same every other time) I kiss someone else, I feel good again, for a few seconds. I feel wanted, forget about my pain and get this sweet tickle in my belly that (hopefully some of) you (also) feel in moments like that. Afterwards, when I realize that the feeling is not going to last, I see how wrong I was. That the other person is not one I would want to kiss. Especially in this case since he is a really bad kisser… And that guy consideres himself perfect! But in general, I realize that I do not really like those guys. They are absolutely not my type and do not know why I ever let myself get into that situation. A few moments later, when I am sad again, I know why. It’s for those few happy seconds when I feel good and wanted. But that has to stop. The second advantage is that I am glad for he has opened my eyes for the truth. Because love means pain, I am trying to make beauty of it. I want to feel wanted and it increases my hope that people do not see me as ugly and badly as I see myself. Now I know that you should never ever let yourself get too hung up on the hints. Keep your hope to a minimum, meaning less than 1%. Trust me, he is not even closely wasting as much time on thinking about you as you do about him. If he is nice to you, he just wants to get you into bed because he consideres you sexy. A boy that you have talked to for only few times does not fall for you. It takes a huge lot to make a guy fall for you these days. Especially a guy who thinks that he can have any girl. Unfortunately, those are exactly the guys that we want. We do not want the second group that I have described. We want passion and adventure-hunting bad boys is even a little dangerous. Before he kissed me he was playing with my fingers like it would be a priviledge to finally be able to touch them. He was pulling me closer, holding me in his arms, caressing me. Thank God did I not fall for it. That is just what men do, they create magic moments to make you think they are in love with you until the last moment so you are weak and willing to sleep with them. Never do it with such a guy without asking him if he really likes you. Because only then, drowning your pain in touch and hold is going to feel good. You need a man who not only likes you for your body but also for your soul. Only then you will really have redemption from your sadness. When I asked him if he had just come for sex or if he really liked me he denied it first, of course that is what boys do. Because they still have hope that they’re gonna get you that night. When I asked him again and told him not to lie he said one of the worst things that he could have said. “I don’t really know you” destroyed my fantasies that had kept me going until that day. I felt so broken that night I had no hope that my wounds would ever be healed again. The was just one lucky thing. The whole situation turned out to be an emotional trigger for B, who was now not just my roomate anymore, but also my friend again. She cried for all the injustice of love and the insensibility of boys. And that day, I understood her better than ever. I finally realized that what has happened to me and D is not frequent. I thought that if one guy that I barely knew before could fall for me, many others would be able to do the same thing. That is just wrong. Us women, we tend to convince ourselves of things like those, we just like it when guys are into us. That makes us feel good. Wanted. Sexy. How we should know when it’s real? I have no idea. To know when it’s the 1% of guys that are actually in love with you when you think that they are is a question that I have not found the answer to yet. And I do not think that I am going to be able to find it any time soon.


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