To write love on her arms

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short story about a little girl , who learned life the hard way .. After being molested , to abused , to falling in love with a girl , to becoming homeless , she finds her way to happiness again .

Submitted: July 21, 2016

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Submitted: July 21, 2016

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To write love on her arms

Hello , my names kaylee . I'm 4 years old , I have blue eyes and blonde hair . I think I'm a happy kid .. I'm always laughing .. But sometime I cry too .. Yesterday I fell and cried so much .. I cry when my baby brother takes my toys , I cry when mommy goes to work , I cry when I'm around daddy . I don't like daddy drinking so much .. He doesn't talk nice to me , or to mommy .. He still loves me , he tells me everyday that I'm perfect , and he just gets mad sometimes . He tucks me in bed and kisses me good night ..

Kaylee turns 7

My dad hit my mom today . He pushed her and kicked her , she was pregnant with my sister .. But today I had to say good bye to my sister :/ I hear mom and dad fighting again , I want them to stop ... I want dad to stop being so mad :[ he calls me names , says I was a mistake . he doesn't tell me he loves me anymore , doesn't hug me .. Never tells me I'm perfect or beautiful .. Did I do something wrong ? Does he not love his own daughter ?

Kaylee learns life lessons

Today I turn 10 , I got my dad mad today .. I didn't listen to him when he told me to buy him soda .. He told me I needed to behave .. Today was the day he was going to teach me a lesson .. When everyone was asleep , he came in my room to "tuck me in " he didn't do that since I was 5 .. He started undressing me , he told me this was a lesson and he's only doing it so I could learn to be a better daughter .. After he finished , I remember feeling so dirty .. I knew it was wrong , I knew I must be a hoe ..so I didn't tell anyone .. I took about 4/5 showers a day trying to get his scent off me .. It never worked .. I felt ashamed . I cried and cried all night every night ... Had nightmares , I wasn't safe anymore . I didn't know what to do .. I started to think about suicide .. I couldn't go on anymore ..

Kaylee's secret

Today I turn 13 , I still have nightmares . Suicidal thoughts . Felt disgusting . But now ? I have a secret . Last year , I started self harming . First it started out to he little scratches , but now it's getting deeper . I'm scared of what I'm capable of doing to my self . I'm not that happy little kid who would only cry when I fell , or my baby brother took my toys , or when mom went to work .. I have problems now . I learned life the hard way .. In someways I feel like I deserve it . I wasn't a good daughter , I was bad .

Flashbacks

Today , I turn 16 .. Kids my age usually have sweet 16s .. But I didn't want one .. I felt like I didn't deserve one .. I had no friends , everyone bullied me .. At home my life was a mess , I just didn't seem to care about a party .. I started thinking about everything I go through .. Thought about my dad molesting me over and over again , to teach me a lesson .. My mom telling me how I was bad , that I deserve it .. My sister being the perfect one and making me feel like shit .. How my dad wishes I was dead , having scars all over my body .. Having to go through everything alone with anyone ever telling me it'll be okay ... I started starving my self . Maybe if I was perfect everyone would love me . Maybe life would be better . I weigh 103 pounds now , but I'm not happy with my body :/

Taking matters into my own hands

I remember the last time my dad said he loved me . Remember when I was happy . Remember when my life started to change . I knew I had to get out , but the only way I could escape .. Is by taking my life .. I was home alone with just my sister .. But like always , she wasn't around me .. 9pm : I went to the bathroom .. With a paper and pen .. I started to write down all my feelings and hate towards my family .. But that's not what I wanted them to know .. I ripped it up , and wrote a new one .. Saying "I'm sorry I wasn't perfect" I took a handful of pills , cut deep enough .. And I was out .. A couple minutes later , my sister walks in .. Crying , yelling for me to wake up .. I could hear everything , but I couldn't open my eyes or move or anything .. The next thing I remembered was waking up at the hospital at 2am.

Psych ward

I got admitted to the psych ward for 6 long days .. I had to get changed in front of this lady .. I felt ashamed when she kept staring at my scars .. I felt mental .. After a few hours of them asking me stupid questions .. They took me to my room .. It was plain , it looked depressing ... I couldn't sleep all night .. At 9am : we had to get up to eat breakfast , I took 2 bites and was done .. I just sat there , looking at everyone else in the room , everyone had problems like me , or even worse than me .. This girl came to sit next to me , her name was Sarah .. she asked me why I'm in there , I couldn't tell her ... She told me about her instead , she said she cuts her self , she started when her step dad drugged her and raped her .. And her mom just standing there recording the whole thing .. He told her that she was making him rich . I ended up opening up to her , telling her about my dad , my life , everything .. I never talked to anyone before , it felt good .. We talked every night when I was there , she been institutionalize since she was only 9 .. It's like the hospital was her 2nd home .. I knew I had to get better , I couldn't stand being in the hospital any longer .. Idk how she did it for so many years .. When it was finally time to get out , we exchanged numbers and kept in touch .. It's like I finally found someone I could talk to , and wouldn't judge me .

Therapy

It's been 3 months since I tried taking my life .. I decided to get help .. I started going to therapy , I feel like it's really helped me .. I haven't self harmed in 1 month .. Till today .. Sarah and I still talk , she's getting better now too .. We're talking about saving up and moving in together .. She asks me everyday if I ever cut , today I told her no .. I couldn't tell her I relapsed , she'd think I was weak :/ but she found out anyways .. We went swimming , I had long sleeves on , she told me I didn't need to be ashamed of my scars , it's who I am .. She made me change and saw the new cuts .. She hugged me tight , told me " everything will be okay , sometime you relapse , but it's part of life , you can't get better in one day , it'll take time , I'm here for you " I cried so much , I wanted someone to say that for so long .. But then , I did something so stupid .. I leaned in , and kissed her .. She left after that .. I felt so humiliating .. I don't know why I did it .. I was just so in love with her since I met her , 3 months ago ..

Sarah's back.

2 weeks later , Sarah came to my house , she said she was sorry she left .. She didn't know what to say , she said she wanted me since the beginning .. But she's not out yet and was scared .. I told her I'm scared too but we'll figure it out together , she kissed me and it was like everything I wanted .. I never wanted to lose her .. My mom walked in on us , and threw me out right then and there .. I was 17 and homeless .. I had no where to go , no money , nothing .. I was taught that all moms love their kids , but if we're gay , or different they're not our parents anymore .. In some ways , I was relieved that I didn't have to stay there anymore .. But I was also scared , I didn't know where I was going to sleep tonight .. So then , Sarah calls me and tells me she's running away and asked me to come . Without hesitation I said yes .. She found a job , in New York .. She was going to be a stripper .. At first I didn't like the idea , but she made thousands of dollars in only one night .. We had enough to buy our own house .. I wasn't going to be homeless anymore ..

Now , I'm free

Now , I'm 19 .. Things are starting to get better , we have our own place , a nice car , Sarah quit her job to get a better job as a teller .. I'm starting to look for a job to help out , I haven't cut in a year and a half .. I'm finally happy .. I still have the scars , still think about my past , but since I met Sarah, nothing was going to get in the way of my happiness .. Not even my family .. If anyone who read this , feels the same way I did .. Things will get better , they got better for me when I thought I had no one .. I thought my life wasn't worth living , thought no one would care about me , if you ever need anyone to talk to , I'm here , don't take your life , your life is precious . Stay strong ???????? Ps . I'm not a writer , please don't judge ????


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