Catapult The Earth

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
An adventure on the moon.

Submitted: July 23, 2016

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Submitted: July 23, 2016

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CATAPULT THE EARTH

Alpha and Beta dozed in luxuriant inertia as their lunar rover swept across the grey dust-littered plain. Escaping the incline of another slope, the pair came upon a more noble visage of marble white. By the time they arrived at their destination Alpha had conjured up enough energy to exert his silly side. Cheekily he leant over and with his index finger traced two dots and a semi-circle onto Beta’s helmet. The deep humming chant of the rover was soon overruled by their belting laughter. “You forgot to give me a nose” Beta declared. “I also forgot to give you an asshole” Alpha admitted. “You are an asshole” Beta stated as she pounced off the rover and onto the supple space below. Earlier that morning the colony’s loyal detectors had witnessed a signal that could have only meant another comet, juicy and ripe for the picking headed right for the lonely outskirts. It was lucky that Alpha had only decided to have three bowls of cereal that day. He could be adamant about staying indoors after feigning another fatal sugar rush. As they stood side by side and their shadows merged a vast hulking mas assembled itself out of spare parts. Lil-Bot, or the Landing Impact Locator shot forth a red disk onto the fateful spot. Beta looked up at the stars, “Promise me no monologues” she said, while trying to swallow the cure for the brave iridescence rushing through her bloodstream. Deep within the mechanical maze of the suit she could sense the echo of a theoretical heartbeat. Alpha pointed to a migration of color overhead as riddles rippled across the expanse. Several minutes passed. The explorers tried to ascertain the exact quantity of atomic treasure lurking within the comet, taking bets. And then, as if it was the ego itself, emerging from the oil-well of the subconscious, a shaft of undecipherable light cleaved its way across the sky. An empire of dust scoured the tranquil night realm with fresh puritanical night, sweeping around them suddenly. The cloud continued its death march for a while unabated. In its wake a carpet of more remorseful dust lingered, and invigorated whirlpools around their ankles. “What the hell is that big green and blue thing?” howled Beta uncontrollably. Alpha fell flat on his ass, “Urf!” His more courageous counterpart dismissed the remaining vagueness with the hands of a conductor, and walked forwards toward the great epiphany that nature had birthed. “You’re right Alpha, we should name this world, or this crazy comet, or whatever - we should name it Urf!” Her eyes absorbed the thousand expressions of texture, living texture flavored with the blur of existence flowing through time. “I just became fully aware of my aesthetic appreciation for mazes” she said, staring intently through the wispy silken encasing. Alpha brushed himself off and approached the mythological marble. “It’s alive” he affirmed, and then dipped his finger into a lavender pond. Through the prism of reality he could see crowds coursing like electricity. They gave him a shock with a blissful aftertaste. “Stop poking” Beta ordered, and marched back to the rover. The talk-screen activated revealing a mission command coordinator. “Get your boys Pops; I think we’ve found something”. Sometime later, the whole colony was gathered together. A hundred astronauts meandered about, excited and giddy like children. Behind the crowd, biologists peered through their microscopes at the impossible. Alpha and Beta spoke with the council when they arrived, and to their peers. They begged and pleaded, but it was of no use. “Catapult the Earth! Send it back to the Stars!” the chant rang, in a wild orgy of emotion. “I believe its pronounced Urf” someone offered meekly. “No! It’s ours!” Alpha maintained, throwing his arms up into the air, lit hotter than the dragons breathe of the comet’s tail. But his words fell from the sky like fresh snow and onto their tongues, dissolving. The existence of the unusual, the strange, and the awe-inspiring had no place in their world. And so Alpha paced off to the side with Beta, to watch despondently as their compatriots hammered and bolted the catapult together, with relics of ramshackle wood reclaimed from musty antique bookcases and other forgotten fetishes. Seeing her simper, he consoled her. His hands moved across her wide, chalky fire-proof back. “You know, if we had kept it a secret, we could have ruled it like royalty”. Beta stamped out a naïve clod of moon-rock nudging her boot, “Yeah – Space Royalty”. She was his shield, and together they had shelter from this disheartening downpour. But then, as the weary crowd neared the completion of their task, a mad thought made his mind tremble. Stealing away with a flare, he hid it deep in the dirt. “Is everyone ready?” a stately councilor barked. Nearsighted with nervous excitement, Beta approached the crowd, not realizing that she had been abandoned. With his knee upon the catapult, a proud-chested astronaut pointed his blaster at the rope. “Foosh!” went the flare, arcing up into the sky. “Huh, what is that all about?” the crowd enquired dumbly. He pulled the trigger and sent the extravagant orb back into obscurity. As cosmic wind fizzled across the surface of the sphere like acid the denizens could feel a little more at-ease, sensing a return to their station. Little did they know that hidden within the depths was a second heartbeat. The sound of it bubbled up and breached the surface of the ocean. “I’m the king” Alpha said, bursting out of the surface of the lake. He climbed up onto the ground and stood tall, surveying the circuitry of cities. As he grinned in magnificent triumph a faint line of light traced its way across the sky. Drunk in self-awareness, the man never saw it coming. The small comet shot straight up his ass with the angry roar of a cosmic enema. Alpha lit his jetpack. Back on the moon, Beta was waiting. As Alpha landed the great crowd pointed their fingers and laughed. Smoke could be seen for miles. And his ass … it was on fire.

 

 

 

 

 


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