The Descent from Paradise

Katherine M

Hi! I'm a new member of the review chain and I saw that you had posted your book....

First off I'd like to say that I really enjoyed this chapter and how you opened it with Cerefin's vision thus foreshadowing future events in the book. I'm wondering if she will be the "Divine goddess who moves earth with her mind," or just the character whom brings the group together and sets her own prophecy into motion? Based off of her having to knock the guards out and sneak through the door I'm guessing that angels aren't allowed to meddle with the fates of "lesser beings?" I'm betting she winds up in trouble for this...I can't say that I like Lylevin much, he's obviously up to something!
Your descriptions of the land and people are marvelous, especially the Grand Divinator.

I hope you don't mind but I left a few grammar related comments throughout your chapter. Nothing major just a few suggestions that you're more than welcome to discard if you do not agree with them.

One thing I wasn't sure about was when you switched from Niveron's viewpoint to Cerefin waiting to knock out the guards. It took me a second to realize that you had swapped characters and locations. Maybe add a "Meanwhile a few halls down...(I'm guessing that the gate is located in the same building.) Or have it where Niveron and Lylevin hear a disturbance and pick up with Cerefin causing the disturbance and jumping through the gate in front of her brother?

Thanks for the read I really enjoyed it! And feel free to let me know if I left something out of the review, it's my first one for this House. :)

-Katherine

Alba Regia

S'up, dude! Is everything ok? So... I'm fron review chain group and I saw your post about this and you were asking for a review, right?

Well, I liked it pretty much overall. I loved the way you describe the scenarios and the characters clothing. I also think the names you give them are pretty creative. I think you should keep that up.

But some things bothered me a little bit: Sometimes I have some difficulties to understand where the talking begins and where it ends. You use quotation marks and since i read things quickly, sometimes i just doesn't see them, and... Well... I have to go back and read again

Anyway, I'll keep reading the other chapters and post some comments on them. I really liked it