Letting go

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Basically, had all this shit running around in my head for a couple of years. I feel like everything thats happened has made me who I am today, and... no one knows about any of it. Best way to talk about it I though , wahey! Go anonymous -_-

Ive done a lot of stupid things, and this is where its all going to be...

Submitted: August 02, 2016

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Submitted: August 02, 2016

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The Initial Break Up

I'm not particularly sure where I should start with this. I'm new to the whole writing and making it sound good thing. But, I guess it's probably best that I start at the beginning. The beginning when I basically changed and stopped taking everyones shit, and started being my own person.

It was the day that I decided- lets call him George- was to big of a cunt to change how obnoxious, selfish and controlling he was towards me. We'd been having a rough patch. Well a super rough patch in our relationship. Probably sit imagine a rough patch, times it by a million, and you'll almost be there... I was sick of being told what I could wear, who I was aloud to talk to and how much make up I should wear. As you can imagine- two and a half years of being trapped with this guy would make a girl go insane. I'm pretty sure I kind of just snapped. I was sick of not feeling good enough. Sounds super cliche, but it happened on a rainy wednesday. I was on crutches, a couple of days before i'd been bit by a spider- no biggy! My leg hurt like hell though, it was all inflamed and gross and I couldn't walk. Hence the crutches. It was definitely not as glamorous as the film Spider man makes it appear, believe me! Any way, me and George had been arguing for probably a week solid? He told me that if I didn't continue to listen to him he was going to end things with me. This was in reference to the fact that I had just turned 18 and wanted to go out for a drink with the few friends that I had left from college that he sort of approved of. Obviously, his opinion was that going out, was a bad idea. I don't want it to seem like that was the only reason we broke up; because I wanted to get drunk. That was the tiniest part of it. But that just pushed me over the edge. I was out with my mum and sister, because I was labelled family hop-along for the forseeable future, so couldn't actually go out to celebrate my big birthday, they took me to play bingoarrow-10x10.png. I know, classy right! 

By this point in my head I had already decided what was going to happen the next time I saw him. It was over and that was that, no matter what. He had treated me too bad for too long. I wasn't particularly up for seeing him that day, but of course he had other ideas. In the break of bingoarrow-10x10.png I got a phone call from him:

"Keeley, I'm outside the bingo hall..."

"Why? I'm here with mum, I can't exactly just ditch her on her own" 

Of coursearrow-10x10.png, he was aware that I didn't want to see him, but the guy was stubborn and pushy wasn't going to be able to make him listen.

"Please Keeley. Just five minutes, you won't regret it, I promise."

... But you will... was all I could think. He'd threatened to break up with me. I needed to stop my self from getting my heart broken. I of coursearrow-10x10.png gave in and told my mum where I was going. It took me a while to get outside. But by the time I got there I already had a missed call because he thought I wasn't coming out. He was stood by the road, there were groups of middle aged women, all smoking looking at him and I as I hobbled out. He immediately gave me a huge hug- Damn- I thought... he is going to make this super difficult for me. 

"George, what do you want"

At that he pulls out a crudely drawn picture of spider man on an A4 sheet of paper. 

"O-K... what's this?"

"turn it over" He said. So I did. And there was a huge essay  written to me about how sorry he was for how much of a horrible person he was to me. And all I could think was- too little, too late. I still remember what it said. It went something like this:

Keeley, 

You have no idea how sorry I am for what i've done. I should never have given you that ultimatum. What you do is up to you and I need to accept that. I know I ruined your birthday. I wasn't there when you needed me. I should have been. And it sucks that you're legs all screwy, I hope you get better soon so I can take you out to make up for messing up your birthday. Hope this makes things between us okay, I've missed you my spidergirl.

(INSERT CRUDELY DRAWN SPIDER MAN WITH PIG TAILS HERE)

Yeah, so with bad handwriting a full A4 sheet looks like an essay. You're probably sat there thinking: aw! What a cute guy, he's made so much of an effort he clearly loves you.

Yeah and I loved him. But that wasn't the point. It's easy to say sorry, but how many times was I goint to let him keep saying sorry to me. Its fine if he means it but when it happens over and over again, you kind of stop believing the lies. 

Oh, and he didnt stop there. To make me feel even worse about the decision I'd made he pulled out a DVD- when we first got together I couldn't think of what my favorite movie was so I just said 'HOP'; the one about the easter bunny that poops jelly beans? Great film, not the best but hey hoe. So yeah, he pulls that out of his bag. A punnet of strawberries, a bottle of vanilla milkshake and a HUGE and I mean huge pack of parmaviolets. All the things he knows that are my favorites. 

"I... Can't accept this..." Was all that I could muster. What he had done made me realise that I really was in love with the guy. But being with him was ripping me apart. And if i stayed with him then I felt like I would be completely trapped forever. It was hard, and of coursearrow-10x10.png I started to cry- with an audience, wonderful!

"what do you mean? Of coursearrow-10x10.png you can!" He started putting it all back in his bag to give to me. All I did was put my hand on his and stop him. Looked into his eyes and said it again. 

"I can't accept this George, I... Can't do this any more"

"No..." I started to feel horrible. Tears were flowing from both of us. Of course I was sad but what happened next started making me realise that I had made the right choice. 

"You can't break up with me. This isn't happening!" Okay. So bare in mind im stood here on crutches, he's holding a bike and his bag full of goodies. Both of which get slammed onto the floor in what I can only describe as a giant toddler bitch fit. 

"george dont. can we not. I've made my choice. It's hard but it's what's best for both of us. Neither of us are happy and we can't keep going on like this..." All the while he is storming round outside the bingoarrow-10x10.png hall kicking and punching trees, and concrete bollards. I think he actually fractured his little toe that night on a bollard. My mum obviously had been getting worried about me so came out to make sure I was okay, and immediately gave me a hug. This had been the first time I'd opened up to my mum about what had been going on with me and George and she was actually being there for me. She gave me a hug and then proceeded to get George to calm down. 

"George, come on mate you need to go home."

"I don't want to! I can't" With that he thought the best idea would be to lay himself in the middle of the road in the way of oncoming traffic. 

"Stop being a fucking idiot and get out of the road!" My mum went and grabbed him out of the road and told him to call his mum to come get him, and sent me inside to sit with my sister. All the while we've had a gaggle of old women staring in awe at the spectacle. 

Everything that happened from now is what my mum told me. I was ordered by my sister to stay in my seat as she went to help my mum. Turns out; Georges mum did turn up. She was very drunk, and thought the only way to make everything better for her baby boy would be to come inside and have a word with me. My mum stood her ground of coursearrow-10x10.png and ensured noone got inside. But had to call my sisters boyfriend to make sure that George didn't come inside and went home with his mum. He was sat out there for nearly an hour... 

I cried for days on end. I missed him, I did. I almost caved a few times in texting or answering his calls. I pretty much secluded myself from the world because I was so torn up about it.


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