Romance 101: Human decision making vs Fate

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Have you ever wondered about the role of fate in your life? Why people come into our lives? Is it really for a reason? I am a believer in fate, but this story is about how fate may play a hand in our lives, human decision making is the strongest action in the world.

Submitted: August 03, 2016

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Submitted: August 03, 2016



Sometimes it is the small things that have the greatest impact in our lives. Sometimes the small things come along to show us the answers to some of the biggest questions. 

Have you ever wondered about the role of fate in your life?  Why people come into our lives?  Is it really for a reason?  I am a believer in fate, but this story is about how fate may play a hand in our lives, human decision making is the strongest action in the world.  This is obvious perhaps, but for me the question was always how strong our fate was in the world. I now know it can be very strong sometimes, but human choice is always stronger.

Yes, if I admit it, this story probably all started with a clairvoyant…. I have been to see clairvoyants on and off over the years. I believe they do see things we cannot, tap into energy sources we cannot, and even see what fate is likely to bring us. In many ways I have always considered it light entertainment.  If something happens then that is great, and otherwise I just shrug it off as a bit of fun.  The clairvoyant I saw six months before all these events unfolded is a beautiful person who filled me with calm and peace around some big issues in my life.  It was such a positive experience. He talked to me about many things – my family, my job and my love life.  He talked about a man who would come into my life in around 6 months’ time, after a period of intense upheaval. He described this man in a lot of detail, and he was not the type of man I would usually consider.

Six months later…. 

I work for an International company who has their headquarters in a big city.  We moved office two months ago, and while it was initially a bit of a shock to be in a new environment, we all decided we loved our new office. 

When we had been in our old building, I was regularly introduced to trades people who came to be the office.  They usually just wanted to know who to come to if they needed help or questions, and I rarely remembered any of their names, and half the times their faces.  It was often a bit of a blur and distraction from my normal work.

On our first day in our new office, the Project Manager brought around the building contractor, who had been working on our building, and some of the team to meet me and others.  It did not seem unusual based on my past role in the old building, but I did notice one of the guys look at me in a sharp and interested way. I was polite, but did not really pay any attention, as was my usual approach.

As we settled into our new building, we found that there was still quite a lot of work going on around us. The building was not entirely finished.  Some of my team complained about noise and trades people, and I in turn complained to the contractors, but in general things progressed quite smoothly.  I kept seeing this guy who I had been introduced to, I think his name was Matt, and I could see he was interested in me at some level. Was it power?  Was it attraction?  I was too busy to really pay attention.

One morning around 8am I was in the coffee shop waiting for my coffee, when I looked up. There was a really cute guy ordering coffee on other side of the shop, in direct sight of where I was standing.  His tradie fluorescent vest was worn brightly, and his flop of grey hair masked his cheeky smile. I was caught very definitely checking him out, and I realised it was the guy I had been ignoring for the past month.  We smiled.  There was no doubting it, he was really cute, and I was attracted to him.

During the following week I saw him a few times. One of my team in the corridor was having issues with noise and the contractors, so I contacted the contractor through the project manager.  Matt turned up at my office door. I suggested we should talk to the person complaining, so as we walked down the corridor I said “Matt, right?”  “Steve” he replied.  Probably not a really good start.

Whenever I saw Steve from then on, I made a point of trying to say hello. I am not sure where I thought this was going, but seeing him brightened my day, and I started to realise that I did sometimes walk down the corridor and wonder whether I would run into him. I thought this was interesting, given I knew nothing about him.

I would see him, and I would make small talk. One time he even blushed.  It was such a small thing but my heart skipped a beat.  My colleague, Jill, and I were helping to run a big week-long event in an associated building, which meant we walked down the corridor regularly that week.  It was a volunteer activity, not part of our normal job.  On the Thursday we needed to move a heavy box, and now I knew Steve’s name I realised his mobile/cell phone number was all over the building office doors.  He was the site manager of the contractors.  I sent him a text message asking if he would help us out, and he encouragingly appeared with a trolley to assist us.  He struck me as a genuinely nice guy, and I was becoming increasingly attracted to him.

I was working on this same volunteer job that night, when I thought about Steve again. He appeared interested in me, I was certainly interested in him, so I thought I might give it a nudge along by asking him if he wanted to have coffee.  My colleague Jill and I got into a conversation about the building contractors as we worked, and she regaled a story about how she had been talking Steve about her husband. “Oh” she said to me “he is married by the way”.

“Shit” I said, “I really wish I had known that before I invited him to have coffee with me”.  I quickly sent him a text message “Jill just told me you are married – I am so sorry”.  Within minutes we had agreed that coffee was just that and that there would be no harm done just to have coffee together.

The next morning, Steve sent me a text asking whether we could have coffee later in the day.  I was catching a flight that night, so I suggested he come by at 2:30pm with my coffee order. I thought his suggestion he come to my office was a bit provocative, but I felt quite strongly that his married status would soon cancel out any amorous desires. Despite that those little butterflies of excitement were well and truly moving from my stomach and up my body into my chest and arms.  Anticipation was exciting, even if nothing was going to happen.

As he came into my office at 2:30pm, his smile and expressive eyes lit up the room.  His overtly boyish good looks, with his flop of grey hair, made his rakishly attractive. He brought me exactly the coffee that I wanted, and I suggested he sit at my meeting table. I shut the door. 

We talked for at least half an hour.  My views on him did not change. He was a truly lovely man.  I quizzed him on how often he sat in women’s offices, and whether he was a womaniser.  I am pretty streetwise and my intuition is very strong. Everything was telling me that this guy was straight up.  After an enjoyable time together, he stood up to leave, and gave me a big bear hug. It was powerful and all enveloping. He kissed me on the lips and then left.  I just smiled. What a lovely interlude.

“I can’t believe what almost happened” he texted. I smiled. “It is like the movies, you know the one with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones where all the steamy stuff happens in the office”. “

“Wow” I said “that escalated fast”

“Do you have a lock on your door?” came back his reply

“Yes but I would prefer to be somewhere more comfortable”

“Exciting, tantalising….”

“Maybe you should come back?” I suggested

“On my way” he said.

I am really not sure how it happened that quickly, but I do know I took off my lipstick before he came through the door and locked it.  I went towards him, and we met in the middle.  Our lips locked together, and I felt his hips up against me. The passion in the kiss was electric, and we both felt it. Our hands rapidly explored each other’s bodies, and we could not get enough of each other. I could feel us getting out of control, and I decided to come up for air.  Oh my gosh.  Things like this do not happen every day. “Have I told you how much I love my life?” I said to Steve. He just grinned.  We gradually started to extract ourselves from our physical embrace, and said good bye for the second time that day.

“It takes quite a lot to blow me away” Steve texted later, “but you have blown me away”.  I have to say I was thinking the same thing. “That was so exciting, and hot” he said.  By this stage I was on my way to the airport, but we still kept texting each other.  It was pretty clear this was a boots all in exercise. Nothing was going to stop us. 

I sent Steve a link to some music with the lyrics:

Got me drunk on your love
So where's the after party
Cause I'm just getting started

Keep on pouring it up
And don't you ever stop it
I know you know I want it

This was very hot and heavy.

I then got on my plane.  On the plane I shut my eyes I reflected on the afternoon. What a truly amazing experience.  After half an hour or so I decided that I would start to fixate on it if I thought about it too much, so I started to read my crime novel.  My head was well and truly in my book when we arrived at my destination and I turned on my phone.

“I am going home, and I am going to get completely nude and….” said the text message. I quickly looked at the man sitting next to me to make sure he had not read it over my shoulder. The text message went on to say what Steve was doing and what he imagined I might do if I walked in on him. Oh my lord. I blushed a bright red and my heart started to race at double time. The shock of time travel back to him from my crime novel was extreme. I then had to go out to dinner.

My brain was having trouble processing now. So much had happened in such a short space of time. Fantasising about sex was taking this to such a different level for me. The stuff is the office was easy to laugh off as an amazing experience, but we were getting in deep very quickly.  I decided it best I just go to bed.

The next day was Saturday, and I received my first text from Steve around 9:30am.  It was quite a different tone to the day before.  We had established the night before that he had not done anything like this before, and the next day he was paying the price. He realised that he could not let his passion affect his family.  While what we had done had been great fun, he knew that the person he really was, the person he wanted to be, was not this person.  He wanted his daughter to continue to love and respect him, he wanted to be honest and open at home. He wanted to be that nice guy.  How could I not agree with him?  Everything he said was text book perfect. How could I really like this man that much if he was unfaithful to his wife?  This is not really what I wanted either.  We had both been caught up in the fantasy. It was over.

For about four days I walked around in a daze and could not get Steve out of my head.  I considered that this was normal given the intensity of our experience, and that I had not been involved with anyone for more than a year. My experience with Steve made me realise I had closed myself off sexually in order to ensure I did not get back with my ex-boyfriend.  As the days went by, my thoughts of Steve started to diminish, and life started to return to normal.

Then I returned to the office.  It had been over two weeks since I had seen or had any contact with Steve, and to be honest being back in my office, the “scene of the crime” did bring back memories in a big way.  In amongst all of this, I had a job interview for a new job.  While I took this in my stride, it was putting extra pressure on me.  I really love my current job, but I know my department is being moved to another city next year and I will need to find something else to do.  Leaving a job you love early is very hard. 

The day of the interview I did text Steve. I knew I was being weak because of the stress, but I did it anyway. It was light and fluffy. I then asked if he and his family were interested in coming to an event I was running on the weekend. I figured that meeting his wife is about the best way to get over any residual feelings I had. It is like putting a bucket of cold water over my head. Steve said they were busy and could not come. This may have been a good thing.

Life was calm again, and after a period of meditation, I got myself comfortable with where things were at again. Steve was married, I was not. That was pretty simple. 

I had started to wonder whether my interest in Steve was because I had not had sex in a year. I decided that in order to ensure this was not the case, I needed to replace my old memories of him with new memories. I started to plan my weekend accordingly.  On Saturday I needed to work all day. We started at 11am and finished at 11pm.  I knew on Sunday that I should stop, but I just kept going and going.

With the wonders of the internet, I met up with a guy I had been chatting to online on Sunday night.  He was a man who was over 25 years younger than me, and it was a unique experience for both of us.  I now understand why younger men and older women get together.  Oh my gosh, what an amazing night.  It opened my life up to so many possibilities. I never knew men could physically do that…..well…  enough said. It was the best sex I have had in years actually, and the guy involved was really genuine.  I decided I would never repeat the experience. Something so perfect could not be replicated a second time.

Well that certainly sorted a few things out for me.  My sexual desires had certainly been met; and yes, I still liked Steve just because he was Steve.  As if the universe wanted to rub my face in this fact, I ran into Steve five times on that Monday. It was the world just saying to me “you can’t ignore this man”.  I ran home on Monday night screaming loudly inside and madly phoning a girlfriend to talk about my experiences. I think something along the lines of “you go girl” was the order to of the night.  I imagine the guys saying the same thing to their mates after a similar conversation.

To top this off, I pulled out my tarot cards.  And I haven’t even mentioned the clairvoyant again.  I did a tarot reading, and it completely blew my mind.  The reading said “There is a period of uncertainty and suspense at the moment, but your lives are filled with love, and the right action for both of you is to get together and live happily ever after”. NO NO NO…. Steve is married and this is not the right thing to come out at any level.  The final topping on this is, have I mentioned, that Steve matched the description the clairvoyant had given me about 6 months earlier as the perfect man who would come into my life.  The one thing the clairvoyant had failed to tell me was that while we may be very happy together, he was already MARRIED.  Arghhh… things were starting to unravel for me.

I got a good night’s sleep and felt much better.  I started my day positively.  I decided, rather unwisely, to share the tarot reading with Steve. Luckily his response was “what does it mean?”  I suggested to him it was better that he did not know. 

The main goal that day was the third and final job interview for the new position. I knew that Steve was a distraction from the main game, the job.  I was nervous, and it was very hard to go for an interview when I knew I wanted the job, but I did not want to leave my current job.  I felt the interview went well, but I was not sure of the outcome.  I knew the pressure and stress of the last week was starting to show, but I pushed on to dinner at my cousin’s that night. I should have gone home.

The next day, I should not have got out of bed. I was finally broken.  Everything was just too much and I needed to stop. I made it to lunchtime before coming home and falling in a heap.  Steve now thinks he has walked into a scene from Fatal Attraction, or at the very least I have seriously done him over emotionally. And I have learnt that sleeping with a younger man is probably not the greatest solution under stress and when combined with job interviews, they can send your head into a major spin. Perhaps the bigger learning is to never read Tarot cards or go to Clairvoyants?

Moving forward I will respect Steve’s boundaries.  He is married. The universe can keep throwing us together, but I think it is a test of faith in human choice. We choose every day the life we want for ourselves, and the people we want to be.  Steve wants to be married and have his family around him.  I want to meet a lovely single man who makes me feel the way Steve makes me feel.

Steve has shown me the type of man I want, and that he does not come in a package that I would have previously considered.  The next man may be a tradie, he may be a business person. It does not matter.  Steve has confirmed for me that I do want a man who is intelligent or street smart, family orientated, with a sense of adventure and more importantly has the values I really want in my life – honesty, loyalty and respect. Steve is street cool on the outside, but his mind is active and romantic, and his emotions are sitting just below the surface. What an amazing combination in one man, and I have been very blessed to have met Steve and have shared such a brief and amazing experience.  We need to thank the world for these small gifts every day.

I have been to see clairvoyants on and off over the years. I believe they do see things we cannot, tap into energy sources we cannot, and even see what fate is likely to bring us. I now realise that human decision making and choice is much stronger than anything fated for us.  Let’s move forward to another day – and for me the first day of the rest of my life.

© Copyright 2018 Alexandra Kirkwood. All rights reserved.

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