Iraqi Guy Realized His Sexuality

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Hello readers,
Thank you for you reading. My name is Saadi, I’m a 26 year old Iraqi living. After many years, I am ready to share my story with you. This is a story of how I came to understand that I am bisexual.
I will start with my childhood:
I was born in Iraq in 1990, just before the Kuwait war. Not long after, several other countries started war against Iraq. My family left the city looking for refuge to protect ourselves from the violence. They chose a city closer to Iran.
I was just a few months old when we left and there were limited food supplies. After that, the USA and other countries decided to punish Saddam Hussain through an economic blockade. After the end of the war, my family returned to our city. I don’t remember the first war, however I remember my parents’ stories about this period as a simple time when people were friendly and kind. They shared food and we played simple games. There were no electronic games at that time. On the other hand, the economic situation was really terrible. Most homes lacked basic equipment such as a fridge, air conditioning, and a television. Most families were poor because of the government or the economic blockade.
When I was 6 years old. I began primary school at a school near my house where my mother taught. I joined a school for both genders, which is uncommon in Iraq where education is usually separated by gender from the first until the 12th class.
We were only three boys in the school: Me, Ali, and one other guy. We walked to school together every day. Ali was my closest friend. After a while my mother was kicked out of the school by order from the Ba’ath Party. My mother made a comment about Saddam Hussain and the headmaster was a member in Al Ba’ath party, so a report was written about my mum accusing her of disrespecting the Arab national leader (Saddam Hussain) and, because my mum is Kurdish, they wrote that her loyalty is to Iran. The headmaster’s report was enough to hang my mum at that time, but they showed her mercy by forcing her out of teaching. My mum lost her job.
At the time, however, I was still young. Most of the time I was joking around with my classmates. I felt confident and positive because my older sister was in the same school and I knew she would defend me.
My friendship continued with my classmate Ali, sometimes we skipped our lectures and went to his home or mine.
After six years of friendship, we completed primary school. I got good marks to get into one of the best secondary schools in my city. Ali got into another school, but we still lived close by.
In 2003 another war started and Saddam Husain’s government was removed. My mum was reinstated as a teacher after she proved she was abused by the previous government.
We were meet and study sometimes together, until this moment we were friends.
After school we often played games such as hide and seek with our friends. We were generally playing this game at night because the electricity was cut off most of the time. That made night the perfect time to hide. Sometimes I heard my friends laughing together as they were hidden together, their bodies close in the dark. I didn’t understand what was going on. I just thought about hiding and making our bodies as one.
I was seen sometimes like they hide something under their trouser. Anyways I didn’t understood what was going.
After a while I met I something new in my life and I was feel good when I bush my hips on mattress while sleep. One day I went to Ali’s home while his family was out for the day. As we were talking, Ali lay down on his stomach, so I lay down above him. I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t question what we were doing, but I knew I liked the feeling. Many days ago of same routine playing after school and communication I explorer the handjob. It was my first time I tried it by myself and I heard about it from one of my friends.
I was excited to share my new discovery with my closest friend. At first it began as a joke, then I told him I wanted to show him something. I started to explain to him and realized my eagerness to feel him on me, but we didn’t know what to do next. After that I heard about kissing and other sexual behavior. One day he came to my home and we were in the living room, so as close friends, we were kidding and joking. “Come sit here” I said, motioning to my lap. A few days later, I went to his school and he left his lecture, the school was empty and all the students and teachers where inside. We were behind the building alone. It was my first kiss. Our bodies connected and I felt a deep sense of intimacy. We were scared, worried, and happy all at the same time. No one knew what we were doing. It was a secret, because we were scared of the reactions of others.
In the conservative Iraqi society, men and women are only supposed to be sexual with the opposite gender. I fully believed this idea.
Ali was comfortable hugging, cuddling and receiving finger play, whereas I was enjoying cuddling him and keep his butt toward my cock. We didn’t have sex, we had just oral sex.
After that my family bought me a bicycle for the summer holidays. Shortly afterwards, a new family moved onto my street with their son Ahmed. He was younger than me and didn’t have a bicycle so he rode with me. I didn’t know his family. One day my mum sent me to her new headmaster’s home. She gave me Ahmed’s address. I went to his home to meet his mum, as my mum asked me. This made us closer to each other. While we were riding the bicycle Ahmed was comfortable to sit in front of me. We were talking, most of the time joking. One night while I was cycling with Ahmed in front of me, he lifted his head towards me. His breath came directly toward my face. It reminded me of Ali’s breath. I responded by moving my face towards his. I wanted to kiss him. “What are you doing?” he said, pulling away. “I want to kiss you”, I responded. He refused at first and we kept riding the bicycle. We arrived at a street by the Tigris river and we were blanketed in darkness. Finally he asked, “Do you want to kiss?” I agreed.
He asked for a quick kiss. His lips showed the prowess of someone for whom it wasn’t the first time. We talked for a while afterwards and the topics quickly turned sexual. One night while we were out at night he moved his hand up my leg. That night we tried oral sex. It was the first of several times.
After a while I completed secondary school and got into college. It was a new step in my life, I met girls and I had a girlfriend. She was my classmate and secretly my girlfriend. One day we made a plan to leave the college and try something new. Because of the conservative society, dating is not acceptable and we had to keep our relationship a secret. Cars and empty family homes were our locations of choice. She was a virgin by Iraqi societal standards. Iraqi society holds women to the unfair standard of remaining a virgin until marriage so most women simply engage in oral and anal sex.
After we broke up I got acceptance for exchange to another university in Baghdad. I met girls and they were my friends, but I didn’t have sex with them. During the exchange I was back from Baghdad to my city and visit my classmates when I received some messages from a girl who had seen me. She said she noticed me looking at her when I was visiting my friends. She felt safer dating someone outside her university as it was more likely to remain a secret. I pretended to be her taxi driver so no one would know we were dating.
We were dating secretly for a while until my exchange year finished and I went back to my home university. Upon return to my city, I started my own business for women’s fashion. While working in that business, I met several women and started a relationship with a girl in my university.
After graduating, I decided to study a master degree abroad. I went to India and it was the first time in my life that I travelled alone. A few months in I met a group of girls inside of my university. I thought they were Russian, so I greeted them in Russian. They didn’t understand what they said so that I spoke with then English. One of the girls was sexy. She wore a wear red dress and scarf over her shoulder, her name is Alessia. While I was returning from my friend’s flat, I saw a flower seller with beautiful red flowers. It reminded me of Alessia. I bought the flowers and some other things and I went to their hostel. I gave her the flowers and the other things. We went out that night and we took a Rickshaw (Indian 3-wheeler car). The law in India only allows 3 people in a rickshaw so Alessia rode with me on my motorbike. Alessia and I chatted about politics and gender equality. While we were chatting, a guy came and spoke to us in a language I don’t know. She replied him in that language. He mocked me asking about famous people in France. Alessia questioned him in response as to whether or not he knew any famous Kurdish people. Her answer was really nice.
After a while I texted her friends and invited them to invite them over for dinner. “Would you like to try my cock?” I asked. The language barrier made for an awkward miscommunication. I invited them over for dinner and had to quickly furnish my flat for their arrival.
Later that week, I was on the bike with Alessia . She was riding on the bike behind me and holding me. Her hair covered my face and I got a feeling I never had before. We went out that night and danced the night away. We kissed and I felt a knock on my shoulder, this one was the club guard. I asked Alessia about her opinion to spend the night outside of the club, she agreed. While we were riding the bike I felt we were flying because of our happiness.
Alessia was the first girl I ever met whose life goal is to improve the world and make it equal. So we had conversations about the status of the world. We were both single. Our logo that night was together forever. Our relationship grew with time, we fell in love and Alessia is the first love in my live.
Alessia always talked about gender and societies. She was passionate about respect and equality for all. Despite the major cultural differences, we managed to find common ground.
She spoke about homosexuality and began to explain to me the difference between heterosexual (interested in the opposite sex), homosexual (interested in the same sex), and bisexual (interested in either sex).
I didn’t understand what she was talking about. How can gays or lesbians get married? These topics were one of the reasons for our problems and arguments. Because I had never fully understood these topics. I didn’t know my own sexual orientation and I thought I had only ever met heterosexuals. How wrong I was.
In my society, non-marital relationships are unacceptable and a source of shame. Sex should be only after marriage and non-hetero relationships are forbidden.
I didn’t know there was such a thing as sexual diversity. After so many discussions on this topic, I continued to be closed minded. I just couldn’t see what she meant. Would homosexuals and bisexuals have weddings? Where would their children come from? The relationship with Alessia ended after around 16 months and I still didn’t know what I was. Am I heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual?
Despite the sad ending of our relationship, we continued to communicate. One day I saw a post on Facebook. It was for a couple where the boy was wearing a bra and the girl was behind him. It was Sunday morning and I was on my way to the church. I used to attend church in India even though I’m not Christian. It was a community that welcomed me and made me feel comfortable. At church I’d also met a boy who was bi and open with me about this sexuality. He asked me to keep it a secret from the church.
On our way to the church I sent Alessia the photo I’d seen on Facebook, and I told her I wish to be with you same as this couple. She asked me what I meant? That day I got a feeling I’d never had. I texted her “I want to be completely in your place.”
After a few days we were on phone call each other, we asked each other about things we wanted to do but we didn’t or something we hide.
I told her my full story about Ali and Ahmed. After 25 years of hiding this inside me. That moment she told me she had also been intimate with other girls. After so many arguments and fights, we found we had both done the same things.
After her explanation, I realized we were both bisexual. The sad thing I wasn’t knows what I am for 25 years. It wasn’t my fault but there are lacks in the sex education in my country, as well as the following of the social rule, that fight homosexual and the attitude about homosexual as thumping. But homosexual not thumping they are normal people same as we are have their own feeling toward same gender for dating.
I feel lucky enough to understand what is Homosexual, Heterosexual and bisexual despite of the late, because there are people, who are older than me and they aren’t know what they are.
I feel proud to be bisexual, I share my story because the law in Iraq abuses the non-heterosexual and that may cost the bisexual and homosexual their life. Yesterday while I was walk to the café there was a teen drunk guy who was cried. I offered him the help and I helped him, alcohol illegal in Iraq. This boy was in terrible situation because he was drunk and he was a gay, he was talk about his boyfriend. I’m sure he did that because he was drunk.
I shared my story with you to request your help. You can help the Iraqi people by ask the government to improve the education system as well as change the law by create law to protect people whatever their type color or sexuality
The Iraqi society is a conservative social that has strong action against homosexual, as Iraqi man I growth in the middle part of Iraq. There are thousands or may be millions of people who don’t know their sexual yet, I was one of these people. The reason of that because of the lack knowledge about sex science and the information about it.
The sexual topic is one of the most steric topic to share with the family, for me I growth in open minded family who are always advise me. But that wasn’t enough to know I am bisexual. My family and friends don’t know also about the meaning of homosexual or bisexual because of cumulative rule and tradition behavior that agonist these types.
How to help people in Iraq to know what they are?
It is not that much complicated in the same time it is need a time. (I understood my type when I was 25 years old, after more than 16 months explanation and arguments with Alessia). People here have strong attitude about homosexual and bisexual, I was one of them, after the definition and the explanation by Alessia in the same time I read online, I didn’t find enough information about bisexual, homosexual and heterosexual in my country, that is one of the main reasons why I share my store, is to let other knows that bisexual is not shameful as Iraqi thought. It is feeling inside the human that make him interest in both genders.
The perfect way to help Iraq is, by donate countries and the loans from central banks or other countries. HOW?
There are conditions to each loan for example. Iraq got loan for 5 billion dollar from the international central loan, the loan condition was to increase employee tax to 15 %, stop employments for a while, and increase the electricity and water fees. The Iraqi government accepted these conditions and signed the agreement to get the loan. By the donate countries or banks they can add with the condition to edit the syllabus, by mention definitions of Homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual. that will make the new generation understand the meaning of and it will assist them to know their type when they are young.
This is a true story; however the names have been changed to protect the privacy.
Saadi: name refer to Saadi Al-Hili the famous Iraqi singer, he known also as Abo Khalid, he is bisexual and he was dating men as well as women.
Alessia: she is the love of my life; she assisted me to find out who I am. ( my orientation)

Submitted: August 03, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 03, 2016

A A A

A A A


Hello readers,

Thank you for you reading. My name is Saadi, I’m a 26 year old Iraqi living. After many years, I am ready to share my story with you. This is a story of how I came to understand that I am bisexual.

I will start with my childhood:

I was born in Iraq in 1990, just before the Kuwait war.  Not long after, several other countries started war against Iraq. My family left the city looking for refuge to protect ourselves from the violence. They chose a city closer to Iran.

I was just a few months old when we left and there were limited food supplies. After that, the USA and other countries decided to punish Saddam Hussain through an economic blockade. After the end of the war, my family returned to our city. I don’t remember the first war, however I remember my parents’ stories about this period as a simple time when people were friendly and kind. They shared food and we played simple games. There were no electronic games at that time. On the other hand, the economic situation was really terrible. Most homes lacked basic equipment such as a fridge, air conditioning, and a television. Most families were poor because of the government or the economic blockade.  

When I was 6 years old. I began primary school at a school near my house where my mother taught. I joined a school for both genders, which is uncommon in Iraq where education is usually separated by gender from the first until the 12th class.

We were only three boys in the school: Me, Ali, and one other guy. We walked to school together every day. Ali was my closest friend. After a while my mother was kicked out of the school by order from the Ba’ath Party. My mother made a comment about Saddam Hussain and the headmaster was a member in Al Ba’ath party, so a report was written about my mum accusing her of disrespecting the Arab national leader (Saddam Hussain) and, because my mum is Kurdish, they wrote that her loyalty is to Iran. The headmaster’s report was enough to hang my mum at that time, but they showed her mercy by forcing her out of teaching. My mum lost her job.

At the time, however, I was still young. Most of the time I was joking around with my classmates. I felt confident and positive because my older sister was in the same school and I knew she would defend me.

My friendship continued with my classmate Ali, sometimes we skipped our lectures and went to his home or mine.

After six years of friendship, we completed primary school.  I got good marks to get into one of the best secondary schools in my city. Ali got into another school, but we still lived close by.

In 2003 another war started and Saddam Husain’s government was removed. My mum was reinstated as a teacher after she proved she was abused by the previous government.

We were meet and study sometimes together, until this moment we were friends.

After school we often played games such as hide and seek with our friends. We were generally playing this game at night because the electricity was cut off most of the time. That made night the perfect time to hide. Sometimes I heard my friends laughing together as they were hidden together, their bodies close in the dark. I didn’t understand what was going on. I just thought about hiding and making our bodies as one.  

I was seen sometimes like they hide something under their trouser. Anyways I didn’t understood what was going.

After a while I met I something new in my life and I was feel good when I bush my hips on mattress while sleep. One day I went to Ali’s home while his family was out for the day. As we were talking, Ali lay down on his stomach, so I lay down above him. I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t question what we were doing, but I knew I liked the feeling. Many days ago of same routine playing after school and communication I explorer the handjob. It was my first time I tried it by myself and I heard about it from one of my friends.

I was excited to share my new discovery with my closest friend. At first it began as a joke, then I told him I wanted to show him something. I started to explain to him and realized my eagerness to feel him on me, but we didn’t know what to do next. After that I heard about kissing and other sexual behavior. One day he came to my home and we were in the living room, so as close friends, we were kidding and joking. “Come sit here” I said, motioning to my lap. A few days later, I went to his school and he left his lecture, the school was empty and all the students and teachers where inside. We were behind the building alone. It was my first kiss. Our bodies connected and I felt a deep sense of intimacy. We were scared, worried, and happy all at the same time. No one knew what we were doing. It was a secret, because we were scared of the reactions of others.

In the conservative Iraqi society, men and women are only supposed to be sexual with the opposite gender. I fully believed this idea.

Ali was comfortable hugging, cuddling and receiving finger play, whereas I was enjoying cuddling him and keep his butt toward my cock. We didn’t have sex, we had just oral sex.

After that my family bought me a bicycle for the summer holidays. Shortly afterwards, a new family moved onto my street with their son Ahmed. He was younger than me and didn’t have a bicycle so he rode with me. I didn’t know his family. One day my mum sent me to her new headmaster’s home. She gave me Ahmed’s address. I went to his home to meet his mum, as my mum asked me. This made us closer to each other. While we were riding the bicycle Ahmed was comfortable to sit in front of me. We were talking, most of the time joking. One night while I was cycling with Ahmed in front of me, he lifted his head towards me. His breath came directly toward my face. It reminded me of Ali’s breath. I responded by moving my face towards his. I wanted to kiss him. “What are you doing?” he said, pulling away. “I want to kiss you”, I responded. He refused at first and we kept riding the bicycle. We arrived at a street by the Tigris river and we were blanketed in darkness. Finally he asked, “Do you want to kiss?” I agreed.

He asked for a quick kiss. His lips showed the prowess of someone for whom it wasn’t the first time. We talked for a while afterwards and the topics quickly turned sexual. One night while we were out at night he moved his hand up my leg. That night we tried oral sex. It was the first of several times.

After a while I completed secondary school and got into college. It was a new step in my life, I met girls and I had a girlfriend. She was my classmate and secretly my girlfriend. One day we made a plan to leave the college and try something new. Because of the conservative society, dating is not acceptable and we had to keep our relationship a secret. Cars and empty family homes were our locations of choice.  She was a virgin by Iraqi societal standards. Iraqi society holds women to the unfair standard of remaining a virgin until marriage so most women simply engage in oral and anal sex.

After we broke up I got acceptance for exchange to another university in Baghdad. I met girls and they were my friends, but I didn’t have sex with them. During the exchange I was back from Baghdad to my city and visit my classmates when I received some messages from a girl who had seen me. She said she noticed me looking at her when I was visiting my friends. She felt safer dating someone outside her university as it was more likely to remain a secret. I pretended to be her taxi driver so no one would know we were dating.

We were dating secretly for a while until my exchange year finished and I went back to my home university. Upon return to my city, I started my own business for women’s fashion. While working in that business, I met several women and started a relationship with a girl in my university.  

After graduating, I decided to study a master degree abroad. I went to India and it was the first time in my life that I travelled alone. A few months in I met a group of girls inside of my university. I thought they were Russian, so I greeted them in Russian. They didn’t understand what they said so that I spoke with then English. One of the girls was sexy. She wore a wear red dress and scarf over her shoulder, her name is Alessia. While I was returning from my friend’s flat, I saw a flower seller with beautiful red flowers. It reminded me of Alessia. I bought the flowers and some other things and I went to their hostel. I gave her the flowers and the other things. We went out that night and we took a Rickshaw (Indian 3-wheeler car). The law in India only allows 3 people in a rickshaw so Alessia rode with me on my motorbike.  Alessia and I chatted about politics and gender equality. While we were chatting, a guy came and spoke to us in a language I don’t know. She replied him in that language. He mocked me asking about famous people in France. Alessia questioned him in response as to whether or not he knew any famous Kurdish people. Her answer was really nice.

After a while I texted her friends and invited them to invite them over for dinner. “Would you like to try my cock?” I asked. The language barrier made for an awkward miscommunication. I invited them over for dinner and had to quickly furnish my flat for their arrival.

Later that week, I was on the bike with Alessia . She was riding on the bike behind me and holding me. Her hair covered my face and I got a feeling I never had before. We went out that night and danced the night away. We kissed and I felt a knock on my shoulder, this one was the club guard. I asked Alessia about her opinion to spend the night outside of the club, she agreed. While we were riding the bike I felt we were flying because of our happiness.

Alessia was the first girl I ever met whose life goal is to improve the world and make it equal. So we had conversations about the status of the world. We were both single. Our logo that night was together forever. Our relationship grew with time, we fell in love and Alessia is the first love in my live.

Alessia always talked about gender and societies. She was passionate about respect and equality for all. Despite the major cultural differences, we managed to find common ground.

She spoke about homosexuality and began to explain to me the difference between heterosexual (interested in the opposite sex), homosexual (interested in the same sex), and bisexual (interested in either sex).  

I didn’t understand what she was talking about. How can gays or lesbians get married? These topics were one of the reasons for our problems and arguments. Because I had never fully understood these topics. I didn’t know my own sexual orientation and I thought I had only ever met heterosexuals. How wrong I was.  

In my society, non-marital relationships are unacceptable and a source of shame. Sex should be only after marriage and non-hetero relationships are forbidden.  

I didn’t know there was such a thing as sexual diversity. After so many discussions on this topic, I continued to be closed minded. I just couldn’t see what she meant. Would homosexuals and bisexuals have weddings? Where would their children come from? The relationship with Alessia ended after around 16 months and I still didn’t know what I was. Am I heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual?

Despite the sad ending of our relationship, we continued to communicate. One day I saw a post on Facebook. It was for a couple where the boy was wearing a bra and the girl was behind him. It was Sunday morning and I was on my way to the church. I used to attend church in India even though I’m not Christian. It was a community that welcomed me and made me feel comfortable. At church I’d also met a boy who was bi and open with me about this sexuality. He asked me to keep it a secret from the church.

On our way to the church I sent Alessia the photo I’d seen on Facebook, and I told her I wish to be with you same as this couple. She asked me what I meant?  That day I got a feeling I’d never had. I texted her “I want to be completely in your place.”

After a few days we were on phone call each other, we asked each other about things we wanted to do but we didn’t or something we hide.

I told her my full story about Ali and Ahmed. After 25 years of hiding this inside me. That moment she told me she had also been intimate with other girls. After so many arguments and fights, we found we had both done the same things.

After her explanation, I realized we were both bisexual. The sad thing I wasn’t knows what I am for 25 years. It wasn’t my fault but there are lacks in the sex education in my country, as well as the following of the social rule, that fight homosexual and the attitude about homosexual as thumping. But homosexual not thumping they are normal people same as we are have their own feeling toward same gender for dating.

I feel lucky enough to understand what is Homosexual, Heterosexual and bisexual despite of the late, because there are people, who are older than me and they aren’t know what they are.

I feel proud to be bisexual, I share my story because the law in Iraq abuses the non-heterosexual and that may cost the bisexual and homosexual their life. Yesterday while I was walk to the café there was a teen drunk guy who was cried. I offered him the help and I helped him, alcohol illegal in Iraq. This boy was in terrible situation because he was drunk and he was a gay, he was talk about his boyfriend. I’m sure he did that because he was drunk.

I shared my story with you to request your help. You can help the Iraqi people by ask the government to improve the education system as well as change the law by create law to protect people whatever their type color or sexuality

The Iraqi society is a conservative social that has strong action against homosexual, as Iraqi man I growth in the middle part of Iraq. There are thousands or may be millions of people who don’t know their sexual yet, I was one of these people. The reason of that because of the lack knowledge about sex science and the information about it.

The sexual topic is one of the most steric topic to share with the family, for me I growth in open minded family who are always advise me. But that wasn’t enough to know I am bisexual. My family and friends don’t know also about the meaning of homosexual or bisexual because of cumulative rule and tradition behavior that agonist these types.

How to help people in Iraq to know what they are?

It is not that much complicated in the same time it is need a time. (I understood my type when I was 25 years old, after more than 16 months explanation and arguments with Alessia). People here have strong attitude about homosexual and bisexual, I was one of them, after the definition and the explanation by Alessia in the same time I read online, I didn’t find enough information about bisexual, homosexual and heterosexual in my country, that is one of the main reasons why I share my store, is to let other knows that bisexual is not shameful as Iraqi thought. It is feeling inside the human that make him interest in both genders.

The perfect way to help Iraq is, by donate countries and the loans from central banks or other countries. HOW?

There are conditions to each loan for example. Iraq got loan for 5 billion dollar from the international central loan, the loan condition was to increase employee tax to 15 %, stop employments for a while, and increase the electricity and water fees. The Iraqi government accepted these conditions and signed the agreement to get the loan. By the donate countries or banks they can add with the condition to edit the syllabus, by mention definitions of Homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual. that will make the new generation understand the meaning of and it will assist them to know their type when they are young.

This is a true story; however the names have been changed to protect the privacy.

Saadi: name refer to Saadi Al-Hili the famous Iraqi singer, he known also as Abo Khalid, he is bisexual and he was dating men as well as women.

Alessia: she is my X girlfriend; she assisted me to find out who I am. ( my orientation)


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