On Trial For My Life

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
taken from my book, "I Gotta Find My Mind"

Submitted: August 04, 2016

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Submitted: August 03, 2016

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On Trial For My Life

-

Thee art of loss, is the high of a life time

To see my death coming, is a thrill of a scare

But I don't care

I just shave my head so I can't pull my hair

When the judges perceive my life

I wonder what they see

And when I plum "forget"

All that I should have already said

The mortuary knows no limits

Of how many bodies they can bag

It may me my fault

All that is wrong

But mistakes are mistakes

Somebody had to make them

'Cause how else would I had learned?

The judges think I'm too incompetent

__to learn any lesson

____I make for myself

But if they were right

__I know I would have died already

____never knowing why

But I know the reasons

__for why that never happened yet

If the judges can't see the change

Then they're nothing but just that

"Judges"

And not the "God," that they play

Only me and God know

__what I'm doing different today

Because I hide thee evidence, in shame

For becoming the norm

__that I was always glad that I was not

I never dreamed of being fat

And now, here I am

Buying bigger pants

I never thought I'd be

__on a sugar free diet

But here I am

__having to watch what I eat

I never thought

__I'd have to watch my temper

But here I am

__noticing that I'm the one

____who has to "cool it"

I never thought I'd have any sex

Now here I am

__with 6 past sexual partners

I never thought E.-cigarettes

__would advance into being better

____than actual cigarettes

But here I am vaping them

__because now they are

I never thought I'd be on my own

And now here I am

__living by myself

I never thought I'd go back

__to riding a bicycle

But here I am, peddling ev'rywhere

I never thought I'd be out of

__the mental hospital for good

But here I am, 12 & 1/2 years since

__I ever was in a loony bin

I never thought I'd ever date any one

Now here I am, after 15 exes

I never thought I'd lose the best friends

__that I have lost

But here I am

__deserted

____and it hurts

I never thought so many deaths

__would be my fault

But accidents happen

__and people get caught up in danger

I never thought I would drop out

__of high school

Now here I am, diplomaless with insanity

I never thought my father would die

__so soon

Now here I am, without a dad

I never thought I'd turn to drugs

__to try and fix me

But here I am, recovering

__from what made me try that rout

I never thought I'd tell the drugs "goodbye"

But now here I am turning 6 years clean in 3 more days

With no reservations to return

__to active addiction

Here I am, grabbing ahold to

__what little reality there is left

Here I am

Just waiting for more changes

Because this can't be thee end

Because if it were

That just would not make sense

And if judges need a reason

__to sentence some one

What reason do they have?

Ev'rything's changing

-

07-23-'16

D. L. Cannon


© Copyright 2017 DLCannon. All rights reserved.

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