Throwing My Hat into the Ring

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
This will probably offend a few million people... You've been warned.

Submitted: August 06, 2016

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Submitted: August 06, 2016



Ok, so unless you've been living in a cave, placed under a rock in a remote region of outer space that cannot be seen by Hubble, then you'll know the American Republicans have chosen Donald Trump(f) as their presidential candidate.

So, since some Americans have clearly lost the fucking plot, I'm going to throw my hat in the ring for president. Yes, I know, I'm Scottish and I don't even live in the US but hear me out, I have some great policy ideas I think you could all get behind.

I will:

  • ... build 300 metre-high walls around all Trump properties, whilst the Trumps are inside,
  • ... reintroduce natural selection to increase the general IQ of the population,
  • ... nuke Westminster, we know you love us in the UK, but the politicians here are a shower of bastards,
  • ... introduce a hunger games-style presidential selection process, that way you will always get a president who knows what it is like to fight for survival,
  • ... hire people qualified for the role I assign them, no economics graduates in public health office, I will appoint someone with military experience as defence secretary and someone who doesn't have to take their shoes off to count past ten, to the treasury.
  • ... make psychological assessments mandatory for handgun ownership and ban assault weapons - the clue is in the name "assault", assault means to physically attack something/one. You don't need a fucking M16 to shoot that unarmed black kid who wandered within a hundred miles of your white, suburban neighbourhood,
  • ... make sex between consenting relatives legal (that's the republican voters sewn up).

Any takers? Who wants to be VP?

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