Darkness

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic
Women is confused about her surroundings

Submitted: August 06, 2016

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Submitted: August 06, 2016

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The night closes around me and I close my eyes and listen. I have heard that silence is deafening and tonight my ears hurt from the quiet. Will he come tonight, as he has before? Quiet and comforting when he is with me I feel safe and maybe even loved. "Please.." I plead into the darkness and my heart drops when I don't feel his arm around me. Tonight I will be completely alone. Ohh what a horrible thought I can't be alone he will come he must. But even as I think the words I know he doesn't have to come and many nights he doesn't. I feel the hot tears on my face before I realize I'm crying. I should be stronger I should turn my head and heart away. I can't. The weakness inside me begging for love and mourning the loss has more power and I struggle. I sink deeper. Lying in bed with the covers pulled tightly around me I think once more of his arms and sob harder. Tonight loneliness has one but tomorrow, well tomorrow he will come. The morning sun rises and my thoughts travel to that darkened space we all have. The one no one talks about. Where anything is possible without consequences and you feel like you could do anything. This is where I want to stay, if only for a while, yet I know I cannot. Even though he did not come see me last night he will not allow me to stay here. He tells me there is only room for one and my ticket is not valid. This memory angers me and I sink deeper into my darkness and begin to kick and scream in defiance as he pulls me out. My eyes open slowly and with great defiance. Why must I face yet another day? Why can’t I enjoy the darkness? I sigh loudly knowing that the answers I am looking for are not going to show themselves. With great effort I sit up and rub my eyes. I glance over to empty space next to where I sleep and almost jump out of the bed, now wide awake, when I see the indention. Did he come after I fell asleep? Was I so far into my own darkness that even his presence eluded me? I gently reached over and rubbed the space the warmth still present but quickly leaving. My mind races back to the night before and still no memory of him. “Are you here with me?” The question comes out in a whisper so quiet that there is no way anyone could have heard the words. I straighten out the indention and make my half of the bed before starting my morning routine. I quickly put the indention behind me already knowing that no one is with me. I open the windows in the living room as I walk through. I react to the brightness by flinching at first but allow it to wash over me just the same. The brightness of it is my polar opposite at this time and makes me feel beaten down. As I make breakfast and again repeat familiar movements I consider closing the curtains to block out the brightness but decide that he would want the light, he would want me to be in the light and decide to leave them. The food is now done and as the smell rises up from the pan the mixture of ham, eggs, tomato, and onion turns my stomach and I no longer feel hungry. I have been eating less and less since he stopped visiting as often and decide to dump the meal in the trash. I watch as the food first hits the side of the trash can than gravity takes over and the food starts to slowly disappear. I clean up the mess I have made than head back into the bedroom. I dress without any real purpose as I start to decide what to do with my day. My hair gets pulled from my face and placed in a loose ponytail. “There now I am ready for anything today.” I say out loud to no one. I speak so little these days that sometimes I speak out loud to make sure I don’t forget how. The smell reaches me first and now I am confused. There is no reason I should still smell my breakfast. The bag was all but empty and the lid usually stopped smells from escaping. I move slowly to the kitchen this time nearly screaming when I see what is waiting for me. There on the table, along with a big glass of milk, is my breakfast on a plate. The sun beats down on my skin as I work in my garden. As my stomach tries to digest the unwanted breakfast I begin to feel ill. I didn’t even want the food but could not turn it down once it sat waiting on the table. Between the heat of the day and the unwanted food I feel dizzy and a little unsure of my surroundings. I stand and look around slowly thinking that this perhaps will clear my mind but to no success. Its then that I see something I just can’t quite make out. For a long moment I stand focused on this dark spot on the horizon. “What in the world….” I say to the spot but as expected receive no reply. I consider for a moment walking toward the spot, but realize that it makes no sense to do so and decide to move on to something else. I water the garden, rake up a few leaves, and just stay busy throughout the morning. The ache in my stomach has ended and I am beginning to feel hungry. As I put everything away I remember the dark spot I had seen before and glance back. It was still there only now it may be closer. I squint my eyes, as if this will clear up the confusion, and stare harder at the spot. This does not help and I start to worry a little but figure it is far away and maybe nothing to worry about. The inside of the house feels almost cold away from the sun. I decide on a frozen pizza for lunch so I turn on the oven and choose a pepperoni pizza from the freezer. The oven beeps and I put the pizza in the oven. I walk back to the bathroom and fix myself a cool rag to place on the back of my neck. “Hello” a voice comes from the living room. I freeze where I stand. Maybe this is an illusion. “Hello is anyone here?” There it is again. Who could be here? “Hello?” I say back at last not sure if I want someone to know I’m here but it could be nice to have company. I slowly walk back toward the kitchen and the voice not sure what to expect. He stood just inside the door, his eyes wide as if he was also surprised to see another living soul. His features are handsome and inviting so I smile to spite myself because I am angry he is in my home. “What are you doing here?” I ask my voice cracking proving to me that I should have spoke out loud more often. He slightly shakes his head as if clearing his head before smiling and responding, “ Oh wow I am so glad to see you. I was beginning to think I was never going to see another friendly face. You are friendly right?” I turn my head slightly still confused as to who he is, where he came from, and why is he here in my home? My silence seems to make him uncomfortable as he rubs his hands up and down his jeans as if this will help him with his next thought. “Please tell me you can speak more than that one sentence. I am really tired of having no one to talk with it seems like…….hey are you cooking something?” The mention of cooking brings me out of the haze I’ve been in and I run to the kitchen to check my pizza. The pizza is done so I remove it from the oven and proceed to cut it and place a couple of pieces on a plate. When I turn the man is now in my kitchen watching my movements and making me feel completely uneasy. “Please….” I cough to clear my throat before continuing “Please leave my house. I don’t know who you are and I don’t want you here.” I say the words with as much authority that I can muster hoping that he doesn’t call my bluff and can tell how scared I truly am. He takes a few steps back as if trying to put me at ease and says “Its ok. I can see that you are scared and I didn’t mean to scare you. My name is Ryan. I was so happy to see another home and was hoping to find a friend inside. I am hoping we can be friends.” He continued to walk backwards for a few more steps before turning to leave. I follow him for a moment wanting to make sure he leaves when his words sink in and I ask, “What do you mean another house? Mine is the only one for miles.” He stops in mid stride and turns once again to face me. “What do you mean the only home for miles? I live just walking distance from you. I can see your home from my front porch. I’m new to the area and did not notice your home….Are you ok?” ‘Am I OK?’ ‘Am I OK?’ No I am not OK. I know that I am the only one for miles. Why would he try that lie on me? Why would he think that I wouldn’t know that? I could feel my cheeks growing warmer as my anger grows. I storm past him determined to prove him a liar. I want to hear what he has to say when we are on my porch with no view of his ‘home’. I push out the door with more force than is needed and hear the screen door slam against the house. I take the few steps forward and down the steps of my porch before really looking so when I do I nearly fall over. There where I have been staring most the day is another home. It doesn’t look brand new just the opposite actually, looks like it has been there for a century. “WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON??” I scream out not to anyone but Ryan was there to answer. “How long where you in the sun today? I think you may have over done it. Will you let me help you back inside and get you a drink?” As he is asking his question he is moving me back inside my house as I twist my body to stare at his. ‘It wasn’t there this morning. I know it wasn’t there this morning.’ I say to myself as Ryan closes the front door making the house disappear once again. The glass of water he hands me is cold against my skin. Maybe he is right and I have only over done it today and the house was always there. ‘NO!!!!’ I don’t believe that I’m that crazy. I know that the house wasn’t there this morning. “Are you going to tell me your name?” The question pulled me from my thought process and I stared at this stranger in my home. Why is he still here? What is it that he wants from me? His features are familiar and I can’t quiet place them. So before I answer I quickly go through a mental rolodex in my mind. Nothing seems to match so I let it go……… for now. I take another drink from my glass still trying to decide what to say. Should I tell him my name or stay a mystery? “I appreciate all that you have done for me today, but I think that I would like to nap. Will you please go home so I can have some peace?” His light chuckle annoyed me but I said nothing and watched his expression change from playful to aggravated as he realizes that I’m not playing. “I am concerned about you seeing things. I don’t really feel like you should be alone.” He answers as he comes toward me to take my glass. I handed him my glass like a good little girl and then gazed into my hands trying to focus on my next move. ‘Why won’t this man leave? Who does he think he is?’ I open my mouth to talk with him but he speaks before me. “Well you won’t tell me your name. Will you tell me why you are here?” I cock my head to the side and gaze at him slightly confused. “Why does it matter? I am here because I like it here.” I start to stand up but feel a little dizzy so I sit again before I can fall. Ryan doesn’t seem to notice my movements and continues to talk with me. “Well it matters only because I am curious. Don’t you get curious?” He chuckles lightly and I decide I’m not fond of the sound. It seems forced and puts me on edge slightly. “Now Now sweetie,,,” someone is speaking to me from what seems like far away. “Calm yourself everything will be ok.” I look around wildly for the one voice but find nothing or anyone new around me. “Ryan?? Did you hear that?” I ask him as he returns from the kitchen than wish I never said anything as he grows closer. “No…what am I listening for?” Now I don’t know what to do. I can answer and seem the fool or wait to prove myself. “I guess it was nothing.” I take a long drink and turn my head away from him. “I really think you should go.” I say weakly hoping that he will leave. “I’m worried about you and would like to stay just a little longer.” I frown because I want him to leave but say nothing as he asks, “I would really like to get to know you better. Why do you like it here so much?” I glare at him and consider answering his question. Should I tell Ryan about him? How he visits me and makes me whole. “Well you’re here. I noticed that you have taken up residence right next door, so why do you like it here?” I get defensive and tell him nothing not wanting to share my secret. Not wanting him to know me at all. Ryan rubs his head with his hand as he looks at the floor. This seems odd to me as if he is upset by something I have said. I don’t even know this man he needs to leave. “Sarah will you please…..” I jump to my feet and scream at him “HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?” I don’t care what his answer is now he just has to leave. “Wait it’s not what you think. You need to calm down. “ I hear his words but all I see is red. “Don’t tell me to calm down.” I spit at him as he makes jesters to calm me. From a distance I hear the voice again urging me “Calm down sweetheart. This isn’t good for you please calm down.” I rub my head knowing that I heard the voice this time and as I glare at Ryan I say “I know I heard it that time. You MUST have heard it to right?” I needed him to say yes. I don’t want to be crazy I just want him to agree with me and then leave. Ryan steps away from me with a surprised look in his eyes. I think this means that he to has heard the voice but instead he says “I have only heard you Sarah. Will you please calm down and talk with me.” How could he have not heard it? I am not crazy. As I see red again I move around the room not really seeing or hearing anything but my breathing. As if it came from no where I see a bat in the corner and pick it up. The weight feels good in my hands and I know what I must do. I approach Ryan from behind and hit him several times with the bat. His warm blood splatters around the room but I do not care. I asked him to leave me. I told him he had to go. Why did he not listen? The next thing I remember is being clean and back in bed. The days events slowly wash away as the night closes around me and I close my eyes and listen. I have heard that silence is deafening and tonight my ears hurt from the quiet. Will he come tonight, as he has before? “That was a close one.” The doctor says as he returns to the room. A woman lays in a coma breathing with the assistance of many machines. “Sarah is a stubborn one but we are starting to change her reality. I think a few more sessions like today and she may come back.” The man sitting next to her whispers in her ear “You hear that baby soon you will be with your Ryan again.”


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