Monster

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is me simply getting my feelings out to the world. This is therapeutic for me. I was recently in a relationship where I was madly in love. He cheated on me the whole relationship and when I found out, he said he wants nothing to do with me and went to her leaving me feeling more broken than ever before

Submitted: August 11, 2016

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Submitted: August 11, 2016

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It amazes me how people come into your life, another human being just simply strikes an interest inside you. To engulfing your entire being into that person. Your love. Your emotion. Your heart. Time. Happiness. Money. Support. You are unconditionally in love when you would die for them, and live for them. When no matter how much that person abuses you emotionally and mentally, you put their life before yours. Some might say that you have lost recognition of your self worth, but to you, you are just in love like never before.This is not for judgmental, moral following, third person point of view. This is raw feelings that nobody should be ashamed of, yet still is. I am not naive. I am not easy fooled. But I was blinded by love and the day I could see again, I had seen your blinding love for her. And I wish I never had sight. This is when I want to feel ignorance. I want to be a blind happy fool. We created life together, only to have it taken away by the cruel forces of nature. Even though you were content with that, it is saddening to know that the choice of birth was already decided before I could. I needed support and you needed attention from another woman. You needed to manipulate. You found the weak minded. This is how you build. Easily manipulated women who will say or do anything you command. Women. Like. Me. I live day to day for you. Seeing you in love with someone else rips me apart cell by cell. I am no longer me. I am us. And you are a monster. I hate that I love you. I could feel my heart and soul being ripped out of my body when I gained sight of reality. You do not want me. No contact. No anything. Torn to pieces with every word you speak. Every truth you tell. I want to hear the blissful lies you told to make my life light up like opening the doors to heavens gates. I want to feel the vibrant colors of the picture you painted of our future because now I am left with a gray canvas. No matter how much support I have I feel so alone because it is not you. I can no longer stand to hear the cliche careless positiveness from outsiders. The light at the end of the tunnel is out of my sight. The thought of you makes my stomach turn yet, even after everything you have done to me, I want nothing more than to see you beautiful monstrous face. 


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