Alone

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
alone. Honestly don't read if you don't want to its just me rambling again about stupid stuff.

Submitted: August 12, 2016

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Submitted: August 12, 2016

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1:08 in the morning I'm writing this...ha. Sitting at my desk watching Markiplier and Jacsepticeye, just to laugh and smile. I sit and stare blanky at my screen, wondering what im doing with my life. Why do I spend most of my hours watching youtube or Family Guy? Why do I not to do my homework or not go to the gym? Most of all why do I not get out and explore the world and have fun with other people beside myself? Why? I always ask myself these things, all the time, 24/7. Honestly the answer is because I'm alone and the people I cre for either live across the country or even two hours away and I don't have the time or money to see hem. I wish the answer wasn't becuase I was alone but the sad truth it is. I have sat alone every night for the past couple of months staring blanky at a screen or the dark wondering what I'm doing with my life, why don't I get up and actually do something! Shouldn't being a lazy teenage boy be motivation enough to get up and do my homework, go to the gym, go get a job and actually go back and do my drivers test? Like seriously what the fuck is wrong with me?!?!... I'll tell you what, it's not because I'm alone or lazy or even sad, it's because I know for the rest of my life I will be alone and sad and that my suicide is less then three years away. THREE FUCKING YEARS!!! And yet I try to making nothing for my life. I do nothing to try and save myself or try to have a joyful time by making it seem like I'm going to be succesfull and by the time I get to that point in time where I'm going to die, I'll wonder why I did all that just to do this. Maybe if she didn't leave me I would be more succesful, maybe if this didn't happen I would be succesful, maybe if that, maybe if this. Fuck I'm such a failure tomy family, my friends, all the people of the world and most of all I'm a failure to myself. I woke up and said I was gonna do my summer homework and be nearly done with it, remember that book I said I was writing? Yeah fuck that I haven't touched the document in like two months. I just want to do something great but I wish I had someone to stand by me and support me but honestly I never will. You know I wonder why I still write on here I mean it's basically me writing in a journal but everyone can see it. I don't even post stories or poems on here because I have writers block and nohing that inspires me in this said world. Well I guess I better go play video games or finish this video cause face it I have nothing better to doat 1:30 in the morning. Sleep you ask? Fuck that I'm on summer vaction while all my friends have school later today, I'm using the time I have before I'm like them. Well yeah I write a poem or story about being alone some other time but for right now I'm just gonna sit here and do whatever and get use to the sad lonely life I'll always have cause face it a girl will never love me and I'll never love them the same way I loved her and of course the one girl who did love me hates me to death so I'll be doing her a favor in these short but long three years. Goodnight(:


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