Shadow Murderer

Reads: 1323  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 3

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

what separates dusk from dawn?

in the summer of 2014, aaron heno was tried and convicted of manslaughter. he spent years in manor house prison, impatiently biding time until his parole hearing. after two years of hell, he was given back his freedom
as fourteen year old aaron tries to adjust to life on the other side, several murders are committed around the time of his release. police immediately assume he is involved, they think that he is the missing piece of the puzzle they've been searching for.
aaron is the prime suspect, yet again, of the grisly string of murders, but did he do it? will evidence of his guilt be found, or will the police blame him regardless?

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

It was ten to twelve on a misty Thursday night. A fourteen-year-old boy leant against a sixteen-year-old wall. His au... Read Chapter

Aaron is in trouble

Aaron had slept rough all night in the other park, so he could escape Gabe. Gabe had told his boss, DI Sniper, about the death threats be... Read Chapter

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Recent Comments

avatar

Islebabe

Hi, Chaz. I really liked the concept of your book; a good whodunit mystery. I was curious to know about his backstory. What happened to get him to this point in his life? Where are his parents? I hope to learn more within the next chapters or so. I hope you don't mind some constructive critique; you don't have to agree.
- We've already established that his name is Aaron, continuing to refer to him as 'The boy' will cause the readers to not develop an emotional connection with him; it sounds very impersonal. So, instead say, Aaron turned around quickly instead of the boy.
-There were some punctuation issues; a missing comma or period here and there. I find reading my story out loud helps me to spot the obvious mistakes and whatnot.
I really enjoyed this chapter. Good job so far.

Tue, August 16th, 2016 12:31pm

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T. F. Thompson

The other comments are right on the mark. We do in fact need to know the dynamics, the internal workings of the mind of the main character. Getting directly to the action as you do here is good, now render what is happening. In other words, you describe anger, fear, hurt, revenge, or whatever else there is in terms of motive. Of course, there can be hidden motives and here you have a good start with your work. Develop it from here and expand.

Sat, September 17th, 2016 2:57pm

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