What's "This"? (Retail Edition)

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Anyone that has spent time behind a cash register dealing with customers knows that some people can be downright rude. This satirical version of the song "What's This?" from The Nightmare Before Christmas is meant to poke fun at the rude customers.

Submitted: August 16, 2016

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Submitted: August 16, 2016

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What's "this"? (Retail Edition)

She lays her purchases on the counter and I begin to scan them. Making some conversation with her to pass the time as the line grows behind her. A few things don't scan properly so I enter their codes. It happens. Then she pulls out a card and swipes it. We are nowhere near that part of the transaction and I tell her to swipe it again when the lights turn blue. In a huff, she does this, then points to the screen that I cannot see and asks if she should press "this".

In my head, the song starts again:

What's "this"? What's "this"? What button did you press? What's "this"? You're causing me distress.

What's "this"? I can't believe my ears The questions that I hear How did people make it this far What's "this"?

What's "this"? What's "this"? Was there some sign that I missed What's "this"? The line is looking pissed

What's "this"? The shelves are a total loss I can't seem to find the boss This place is such a drag On this job I use to brag until What's "this"? What's "this"?

There's teens throwing notebooks I'm about to lose my head If I find the guy that hired me He may just end up dead

There's rage on every face Of every person in my line And in my soul I know the truth This can't be my real life

And again, what's "this"? You're trying my patience, you ditz Are you really this dumb? Indeed The store is full of shoppers That all need a quick price check What's "this"?

What's "this"? In your purse. Is that a dog? How "dear" Can't you smell that thing stink? You can't?

At the patrons it is yapping I think it started crapping The line is getting closer How can they stand that odor?

Please shoot me now Please shoot me now Oh, how'd my life come to this? What's "this"?

Oh hell, why now? The others are on break A two-hour lunch they will take The mid-day rush just stumbled in I can't call for help over this din So I'm stuck out here alone

What's "this"? My patience has gone missing Customers really come around Asking extremely dumb questions And kicking me when I'm down

Instead of waiting in line, I swear They all think that they're first All their questions must be answered now Because obviously waiting is the worst

The impatience, the mess There's no chance to get away I've never been this mad before The line is backed up to the door Wasn't this supposed to be my day off?

I hate it, oh, I hate it Oh, I hate it so very much Wait! It's finally going through Don't touch the machine! What is this?

Card declined.


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