Decision

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
Consequences of mistreatment

Submitted: August 21, 2016

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Submitted: August 21, 2016

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I’m standing on the debris of a building I exploded few hours ago, I’m happy and I’m laughing loudly, that’s just hiding a feeling deep inside me that I failed to take away many years ago, the feeling of disappointment, being hurt, being rejected, being hated, and sometimes, being nothing

How I ended up being like that? , I’ll tell you

I’m Arthur, I’m 22 years old, I live in a small town and my life is great, I’m a hard worker, smart and people’s person, and it has been helping me through my life so far, I graduated with high grades and I have the chance to join almost any place I want, I loved my days at the college, I was extremely happy, everybody loves me and we’re all friends, I was quite popular there

I applied at a great company and I was accepted, it was at New York, It’s quite far from my home town but to join such company I had to go to a big city

I went there with great passion, willingness to work and willingness to grow

First months there were amazing, everything was perfect, I didn’t make a single mistake, or maybe, that’s what I thought, until one day something happened I wasn’t expecting

I received a feedback from my manager, he told me I’m not good enough and because of that I won’t be promoted, in fact, he said that I’m the worse, I was shocked because I was already doing my best and thought that I’m the best, and instead of thinking about how to correct that mistake, I started to overthink about what he said, and overthink about how do my co-workers treat me and how I treat them, I became obsessed by how unfair do they treat me and how much do they hate me, I lost my faith in goodness, I didn’t actually care whether I’m bad at work or I’m good and they’re actually being unfair to me, I didn’t think about that, I didn’t care whether it was me or them, I don’t know what do you call that, being a sore loser, or being unfairly treated

You might perceive it as a simple thing, like, “did that really make you upset? “, I’ll tell you something, if you love something or someone really much, anything will go wrong will hurt you, no matter how small it is

If you fail to find your dream girl, you will have the ability handle any girl, and if you fail to find your dream job, you will have the ability to handle any job, it hurts, but it makes you the best

I became just like them, I have to live your entire life in plan B, forced to choose between my job and my happiness, has to work at a job that requires only hard work to be successful at, estimating how much money are you willing to take to give away everything, but I don’t like being normal, so I became the worst, not only at work, but also my attitude was terrible

Until one day, my manager blamed me for my attitude, I did nothing but smiling and saying “I’m sorry, I’ll try to be a better person”

I spent a year reading about explosive materials and how to make bombs, studying the company’s system and the company’s safety system and thinking about ways how to destroy it

I studied my co-worker’s schedules and when will all of them be at the company at the same time

I did nothing at work but planting bombs for two weeks at different places at the company, one day I asked my manager for a day-off and on that day, I exploded the company, it was on the news, the police suspected me and questioned me but all I had to do is cry and act how sad I’m for losing them and losing my job and then the case was closed

What was strange is that I didn’t feel bad for doing that, in fact, I felt that I made a great achievement, that I made an effect

After one year I called another branch for the same company and I asked to work there because of what happened, and they agreed

I saw how easy it is to do something extremely bad and get away with it, to be honest, I’m too smart and lazy to walk according to the rules, evil is more fun

What was weird is after all of this, I realized it was my fault, I’m too passionate, I expect a lot, I dream so high and fall so hard, I’m really expressive but I never listen, I’m only convinced by that voice in my head, I never get convinced by what other people say, no matter how good their words are

And then I remember that one of my problems was that I don’t talk that much, the confusion occurs when I find myself contradicted, expressive outside work and silent at work, I listen to people outside work and at work I don’t want to listen to any of them, like I’m haunted by an evil spirit only comes when I’m working

Most of the time I feel that I’m nothing but a reaction to the society, I take no action, I always wait for the society’s action to react

My fatal mistake was that I don’t make decisions, it’s because of fear, and I always fear the consequences, actually, terrified by the consequences

I knew what my problems are, specifically, fear of consequences which leads to not making a decision and lack of taking an action which prevents me from being initiative and makes me lose a lot of chances

I decided to change that, I decided to make decisions and take actions

Strangely I loved my job, although it’s the same job and same things happen, but now I’m not mad, it doesn’t matter anymore I don’t know why

I now think of many different things, it was just a matter of changing priorities, I was focusing on work that’s why I hated all the bad things about it, now I prioritize other things, but this time my priorities are bad and evil

My priority is money and my way is killing, which is maximum satisfaction to me

I became a man who kills people for money, like a hitman, who is ready to explode buildings, shoot people, and kill them with any possible mean

No matter how hard they talk about how unimportant money is, money is everything, I don’t love money but it’s necessary to live, like oxygen, maybe you don’t like breathing but it’s not an option to stop breathing

I had a motto, family for emotional need, close friends for social need, and money for all needs

Of course my friends and family don’t know anything about this, and no one can reach them, because the only one who sees me is my victim, and sometimes, even the victim can’t see me

I’m more like a freelancer, the deal is to send a message on my mail and tell who do you want to kill and I tell you how much do I want then you transfer the money, and then it’s over

I read about how to protect my mail from hackers in case the police or the FBI wants to hack it, weirdly no one tried to hack it before except for criminals

Some people ask “Would you choose success over money? Or does success mean money?”

I won’t answer that, that’s a silly question

Let me be honest to you, even those who are evil think about quitting, but we handle it by eliminating our availability to quit

I eliminated it by going too far to quit, sometimes I say “maybe this life is another life’s hell”, like, I lived a different life before and I was bad then I died and I came here

Sometimes I think that I do all of this to deliver a message, because I don't want them to write on my tombstone "He died without a fight”

I really needed to talk to someone about this, so I talked to my friend, James, we were sitting on rooftop, watching the street from up there, people and cars, coming and going

I told him everything, surprisingly he wasn’t shocked by what I said, maybe he didn’t believe me, or maybe he already knew

After I told him everything I wanted to lighten up things a little bit, so I said

*Do you have change for a hundred?

He replied

-No

*Do you have a hundred for a change?

-Nope

*Did I fail?

-Yes you did

*I admit it, I think I failed too

-Why do you think you failed?

*Because I didn't choose my path from the beginning and ended up at something that I hate and it didn't fit me

-And what's your solution?

*To choose my path and seek something that I love and fits me

-But everybody seeks money

*Of course I’ll seek money, I won’t stop until I try to succeed, and I didn't give up yet

-You know, a bullet in the head can solve the problem

*Will solve the problem, maybe I’m just not like anyone else, maybe I’m a mixture of everything, that's better than everything

-Don't be happy because you ran ten miles, you may be running in the wrong direction

*I say, be glad that you can run

-You were born in the wrong place

*I'm the kind of person who would jump into hell if heaven didn't suit him

-That's true, and you're convinced that not because your prison is made of gold it means it's not a prison, your brain is a curse

*You know, People are convinced that an angel can't live in hell, but they wonder why a demon can’t live in heaven

-Sometimes you don't know what to do, but you know what you must stop doing

*But they will fight me

-First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win, which means if you're being fought, then next step is winning

*Don't try to convince a monkey that strawberries are sweeter than bananas, but try to convince yourself that what monkey eats IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS

I pushed him off the building, I had a bad feeling ever since I was being annoyed at work for the first time, I felt bad for days, but after that, I had a great feeling of delight

My last plan was to explode the city of New York, I planned the whole thing for years, about five years, and then I started planting bombs again, and it took me two months

This time my plan didn’t work the right way, only half of the bombs exploded exploding only half of the city, I planned to die by this explosion with the rest, unfortunately I was at a place where the bomb didn’t explode, I ran to a place that exploded which was two blocks away, I stood on the debris of that building shouting “I did it, I did it” then I cried so hard and fell to my knees, the tears and my voice when I was crying was like the explosion, but this time, it’s inside me

And here I’m now, my mood changed in few seconds, and I’m laughing loudly, don’t know why and don’t care, I might kill myself in few hours, but at least, I made a decision


© Copyright 2017 Nouby. All rights reserved.

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