This is a Story.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 21, 2016

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Submitted: August 21, 2016

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Hello there reader, my name is Character, but you can call me Char for short. Char as in car… We wanted to go with Chara but we didn’t want to be confused with another medium which shall not be named.

“We” you ask? Oh yeah, the man who’s dome piece I’m in is here too.

Hi!

No. They’re not here for you, they’re here for me.

I just thought that since you introduced me I should-

Shh, you’re breaking the fourth wall. Don’t you think that should be left to a much better writer?

But you did it first.

Exactly.

Did you just italicize those dots?

..I like things to be consistent.

Oh fuck, you’re hopeless.

Wha- You- You wasted our first F-bomb like that? Now the reader knows what type of story this is.

A damn good one. Besides, the reader doesn’t mind, they’re a big boy or girl. You can handle it can’t you reader? So whaddya say we cut the chit-chat and get down to the nitty-gritty of this story?

I take it by your continuance or reading that you agree. Great!

Chapter 1

No, no on second thought no chapters, it ruins the immersion. It also provides a reason for the reader to stop reading at some point. No chapters means no obvious pause in the story and therefore no reason to stop. Haha, take that reader.

Char, it looks like you’re stalling. You don’t have a story, do you?

Of course I do. Uh, it was a dark and stormy night. I was in bed with three, no five, no EIGHT pornstars. We must’ve had sex for days and were living off of nothing but cocktail peanuts, Viagra and our own fluids until-

Char. What the fuck.

What? It’s a story. I’d pay to read it.

Nobody came here to listen to your latest wet dream.

I told you that I don’t get those anymore. And are we even sure NOBODY came for that?

Yes.

Well, whatever. So what if I don’t have a story?

Then you have no reason to exist. Goodbye Char.

Wait, wait, wait, let’s not do anything we’ll regret here. You’re running the show so let’s get those creative juices flowing and give me a story. I sorta am only ten minutes old, you know. And c’mon don’t be mad, who else to give me a story than the greatest author ever?

You really think of me like that?

Sure! You created me didn’t you? You’re going to make this into a New York Times best seller, just like everybody else’s books apparently. So let’s hop to it.

Well uh, according to Google, every good story needs a protagonist-

Check.

Drama, suspense, conflict, dialogue, love, beginning, middle, end, and a message.

…Right. Did you say protagonist because we have that.

Well we need drama so-

I hate the blacks.

Wh…

I’m creating drama.

Dude, that’s not..

Next on the list, suspense! Hmm. Ooh, I know. Will I or will I NOT eat this muffin? Dun dun dun.

Give me back my muffin or I’ll delete you.

Wow, would you look at that, took two off the list at the same time. You’re good at this, ever thought about writing a short story?

Stop saying stuff like that, it makes me seem like a pretentious amateur.

I love you muffin… The End.

Biggest waste of time this was.

Oh, and remember kids, drugs are bad.

Why did I choose writing as a major…

Bye!

*Gunshot*


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