Unicycles & Sot Hausages

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A young man meets a strange little man in a park, he was selling Sot Hauages. The boy didn't know it at the time, but he needed one.

Submitted: August 22, 2016

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Submitted: August 22, 2016

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"Get your Sot-Hausages right here! They're not going to last; better get them while you can!" The short round man yelled as he rode his unicycle along the walkway in the park.

Billy Newberry, almost seventeen, had just arrived in this town of about two-hundred. His parents sent him to spend the summer with his grandparents and Granny thought it would be a good idea if Billy took a walk around town; ("to see what you can see," as she put it.).

Billy was used to the big city and liked to go down-town to watch the street venders hock their wares, but he never expected to see a vender in a small country town like this one.

As the man rode his unicycle toward Billy, Billy stopped him and asked, "What is a Sot-Hausage?"

The almost clown-like little man, replied with a gasp, "What is a Sot-Hausage, Really, what is a Sot-Hausage? Well, let me tell you, they are absolutely stupendously stupendous! If they could be any better, then, they would probably be worse. --- You See?"

"No I don't see, Billy exclaimed, "and what you are saying doesn't make any sense. Are you saying Hot Sausage or Sot-Hausage?" He questioned.

"A Hot Sausage is a car and I'm not talking about cars," The man said with a frown on his face, while wrinkling his big round nose.

"A Hot Sausage is not a car, it's like a Hot-Dog, but better," Billy replied.

The man wrinkled his nose again and asked, "What in the Salamander is a Hot-Dog?"

Billy was getting angry, it was obvious that this guy was giving him the Go-Around and Billy was not in the mood!

Billy replied, "It is something that you eat, like a sandwich, kind of, it has bread, meat, ketchup, mustard, relish, and sometimes union and possibly tomato.

"I don't eat tomatoes and ketchup, they are red and I don't eat red," the man said without any regard to anything else Billy said.

So Billy thought that he would try another tactic, and asked, "Where do you keep this Sot-Hausage? I don't see anything to carry it in."

"Why, in my brain," the little man said.

"In your brain?” Billy questioned. Then he asked, “Well, how much do they cost?"

"Nothing," said the man. "They are for conundrums and most conundrums are free, so why would I charge for Sot-Hausages?"

"Wait a minute," Billy exclaimed, "Are you saying that Sot-Hausages solve conundrums, (problems)? So a Sot-Hausages is an idea that is meant to solve a conundrum, right?"

"Of course, haven't you been listening to what I've been saying?" the little man asked.

 

Billy rolled his eyes and exclaimed in a whisper, "Gees."

 

Then Billy said, "I'll take one Sot-Hausage;" because he wanted to see what idea the man came up with.

The little man frowned again and said, "You don't need a Sot-Hausage, you don't have a conundrum. I only release Sot-Hausages to offer assistance in the depletion of a conundrum."

"Oh no, I don't have a conundrum, I mean a problem?" Billy questioned. Here I am, stuck in this one horse town with two old people that I hardly know and nothing to do; if that's not a conundrum then I don't know what is!"

All the while Billy was talking the Little man was riding his unicycle in circles around Billy; which Billy found very annoying and distracting.

After Billy finished making his point to the man, the man fell forward head-first, rolled head-over-tea-kettle on the ground, spring to his feet, and then caught the unicycle before it could fall over.

"You are absolutely valid in your inference, I STAND corrected," the man said; and as he said that he held the unicycle in one hand, as if it were a walking stick, and he had both feet firmly planted on the ground.

"OK, I get it, you are Standing, Corrected, very funny," Billy replied, "so where is my Sot Hausage?"

Hopping back onto his unicycle the man laughed and said,

"The T-Bucket is stuck and it needs work and some luck, so do what you can to help the old man.  Friendship you'll find in a very short time and you won't be just kicking your can."

Billy just stood there scratching his head, because he had no idea what the man meant.

 

That night Billy was sitting on the front porch of his grandparents California Craftsman when his grandfather arrived home from a Lodge meeting; he was a Grand-Poo-Pah or something like that.

 

"Well how are you fairing in this backwater town, Bill?" Grandpa asked as he sat down on one of the porch rocking chairs.

"Oh fine, I guess. I went for a walk in town and the people here seem real friendly, but I didn't see anyone my age around," Billy replied.

"No, I don't suspect that you will, there's not a lot of younger people living here anymore; and that's a shame," Grandpa said, shaking his head.

"I did meet a real strange guy at the park today. I have never seen anyone like him before; he was riding a unicycle," Billy exclaimed.

"Oh yes, that is Bigalow Marshmedow, he is the richest man in town," Grandpa said with an odd look on his face.

"How did he get so rich?" Billy asked.

Grandpa sat back in the chair and took a deep breath, then said, "Well some people say that he invented the unicycle, others say that he once owned a circus that was sold to P. T. Barnum, but none know for sure."

Billy told Grandpa about his encounter with Bigalow Marshmedow and his Sot Hausages. Grandpa burst out laughing, and then replied, "Oh he was just pulling your leg, he is a clown at heart and always fooling around. Is that all he said?"

"Well, as he left the area he said, “The T-Bucket is stuck and it needs work and some luck, so do what you can to help the old man. Friendship you'll find in a very short time and you won't be just kicking a can."

Grandpa got a strange look on his face and asked, "Have you ever worked on a car before?"

Billy wasn't sure what Grandpa was asking, but he just said, "Yes, I help my Dad change the oil and other stuff. Why?"

Grandpa led Billy to the garage that was in the rear of the house and opened the double doors. There in the center of the Garage was something covered with a tent-tarp, and it was big.

Grandpa and Billy rolled the tarp up and lifted it off of a Bright Red and Black Hot-Rod, a T-Bucket with a name written on it, Hot-Sausage.

"Wow," Billy exclaimed! I didn't know you had a T-Bucket, they are my favorite of all Hot-Rods!"

"Well," Grandpa replied, "if you help me get her running I'll teach you to drive it. How's that for a bargain?"

Billy said, "NO WAY, REALLY?"

 

I love telling this story because there really wasn't anything wrong with the T-Bucket that Grandpa couldn't have fixed by himself, but Grandpa pretended that there was.

I learned some important things about cars during those weeks, and in the process it gave both of us bonding time. We were good friends all his years.

 

It was the best summer I ever had, thanks to a crazy little man on a unicycle.

I recall the story of Sot Hausages every time I sit down in Grandpa's old T-Bucket; I take it for a spin from time to time.

I can still see Grandpa sitting next to me, holding on for Dear-Life and grinning from ear to ear. 

 

D. Thurmond / JEF  ---  08-20-2016


© Copyright 2017 D. Thurmond, aka, JEF. All rights reserved.

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