Wrapping My Thoughts Around "Death"

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
taken from my book, "I Gotta Find My Mind"

Submitted: August 22, 2016

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Submitted: August 22, 2016

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Wrapping My Thoughts Around "Death"

-

Returning home from thee illusion of love

__I find myself unaware of my surroundings

What are these things

__which make me sick of seeing myself

____the way that I am?

I live underneath the filth

__that covers my body

____from thick to thin

And in the light of day

__I can pinpoint all my losses

Yet, I don't know where they're all coming from

I have ran away from my past

Because all I believed

__and held dear to my heart

____just wasn't real

But it wasn't my choice

__to forget

The world just left my head

And the sunlight just dominated

Where my hopes have sunk

__I have been down on my luck

And where help showed up

__I just couldn't ask

I bask in my sickness

Too shallow, are my feelings

__from within

For, how can I remain "me"

__when my heart refuses to sing?

The depths if my loss

__hangs heavily

____but weighs not much

If I have been set free

__from being trapped in love

____then why am I still here?

Spilling the beer on the mantel

__does not entice me

Spreading the hooker's legs, however

__does

But when the talking is over

And I turn a cold shoulder

Taking a cold shower seems impossible

Since I can't stand the cold

__when all I want is to feel good

And how can I feel good

__when I am rejected for my looks?

I am an "adult," in literal terms

But in reality, I haven't reached that far

Growin' up, I have not done

So to the world

__I am "not a grown-up"

But with no one around me

__to remind me

____there is no way to change

Maybe I'll lose ev'ry one I love

And maybe I'll die not attaining any love

But if I could just stay away

__from drugs for forever

____I may not have to sit and wonder

______why I am so alone

At the time that I croak

__I just may see how much time

____that I have wasted

______not changing

________as I look back in anger

__________and wonder why I am dying

Death, alone

__I cannot accept

But life on life's terms

__I cannot live anyways

So God knows what is best for me

I'll be scared to death

__while I am dying

And the fear will be what kills me

I can't live on in this world

__for forever

But nobody is going to bite my neck

__and show me a way to live eternally

So I am doomed

As the lights flicker

__in and out of function in my head

And as my warped brain

__just runs along full speed ahead

I'll land into my death

__and there'll be nothing left to live for

My buttons are pushed very easily

And I'm sure they'll be pushed by then

-

08-21-'16

D. L. Cannon


© Copyright 2017 DLCannon. All rights reserved.

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