courtney allison

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
a man discusses his strange obsession with a girl that everyone wants to know.

Submitted: August 24, 2016

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Submitted: August 24, 2016

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Courtney Allison was one of those people you never forget. She made sure of it. When Courtney spoke, people would listen. And not because she commanded it, no, they wanted to listen. Needed to listen. Ironically, Courtney didn’t speak much. She would just listen. Watch. Anywhere and everywhere she went, she brought… Life. Courtney Allison was perfect. Was.

Just a year away from a Bachelor’s in Microbiology, Courtney spent most her days at Oregon State University. She moved right after high, no friends, no relatives nearby. Yet she never tried to make friends, they would just find her. I only know this because Courtney told me. Courtney Allison was really popular. Was. And Courtney Allison was really honest, an open-book. Was.

Courtney would never stop moving. Not physically, philosophically. She was never tired. Well, if she was, she never showed it. She was the type of person who could make others wake up. Not physically, philosophically. People gravitated towards Courtney. Wanted to be around Courtney. Just wanted to KNOW Courtney. They could sense that if they didn’t, they’d be missing out. Courtney Allison was one of those people that everyone wanted to be around. Was.

Courtney lived by a schedule. It didn’t matter exactly what the schedule was, if it made any sense or if it was convenient; just that it was scheduled.

7:30a.m.-8:45a.m.: Math 366
9a.m.-10:15a.m.: Biology 412 (her favorite)
10:30a.m.-11:45a.m.: Biology 391
11:45a.m.-12:45p.m.: Lunch

Let’s stop there. Lunch. Does everyone schedule their lunch? Every day? Courtney’s favorite place for lunch was Bad Boy Danny’s Diner. It was right across the street from the campus, and Courtney never failed to find a friend to sit with. I only know all this because I watched Courtney every day. Courtney Allison was a really interesting person. Was.

Humans are so imperfect. We sit in denial, get angry, always plead for more –even though ‘more’ is never enough-, sit and wallow when it’s not enough. Do we ever truly “accept”? But Courtney, Courtney was perfect. She could seem so innocent, yet get along with everyone. She was always so busy, yet always having fun. She was so well-put-together, yet she puts others before herself. Could she really have been human?

You see, humans are selfish. Greedy. They just take and take and take. The only thing all humans are willing to give, is advice. Usually poor advice at that. Courtney Allison was different. Humans grow old. Our bones grow weak. Humans get Alzheimer’s, diabetes, heart disease, cancer. I only know this because I witnessed it first-hand. I used to have a lot in common with Courtney, actually. Used to.

I knew that what happened to me would inevitably happen to Courtney. She’d get old, brittle. People would use her, take advantage of her. She would get her heart broken. Humans are so cruel. But Courtney Allison wasn’t. One day I watched while she was walked from Biology 412 to Biology 391. She always had fifteen minutes between class. Courtney Allison was really helpful. All I had to say was that my dog ran off. I only asked if she had seen it, but she insisted she would help me look. I don’t own a dog.

After I gagged Courtney with her own socks, I tied her hands and feet with an extension cord. I dragged her to the back of my 1976 Chevy Vandura and blindfolded her. Courtney Allison didn’t need to see what was happening, she could feel it. I didn’t use much gasoline, I didn’t need to. Courtney Allison had a certain glow about her.

I don’t feel any remorse. As far as I am concerned, I did Courtney a very big favor. She owes me one now. The judge didn’t seem to agree. He just talked about how much life Courtney Allison would miss. Who wants to go through life? I still don’t really understand. I’ve spent about 47 months on Death Row.

“I’ve spent about 47 months absolutely terrified. If life is so shitty, who’s to say death is any better? In my 47 months here I’ve met a lot of other humans who know they are going to die soon. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Rinse and repeat. We accept our inevitable fates, but that’s just denial. We don’t know our inevitable fates. That makes us angry, not knowing. We plead with whatever god we believe in, ‘Please God, show me the way.’ Does God ever oblige? Some would say God did oblige, but they’re back in denial. So when God doesn’t respond, we realize we’re alone. Back to depression. Rinse and repeat.” These are my final words as they prepare the 1st of three injections, sodium pentothal. I used to be so terrified of death. Of what would come after death. I was so afraid to die. Was.


© Copyright 2017 Spencer Nair. All rights reserved.

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