Upset

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 25, 2016

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Submitted: August 25, 2016

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i’m upset
because how am i supposs to keep doing this doube romance with you
how am i suppose to be ok with you leaving me for her at night when she needs you the most or just when she simply wants your presence
how am i suppose to keep being that girl to the side who i know you may have strong feelings for, you may have felt so passionate about and loved so much for the first tine in your life,
but now she’s just slowly fading, blending in, as someone else is calling your name,
and even though i’m calling your name so hard and loud right now,
it’s not me you hear
it’s her
I cannot and will not compete for attention
I will not compare myself to her either
maybe i should have just never told you how i really felt that day because then it opened up this fresh bottle of strong feelings and it’s got my soul all over the place, all over the floor, all under the sheets, all twisted into the rims of bike tires, all against my neighbor’s white fences, all in between my 5 year old niece’s toes, all collapsing in a teepee that the Indians stopped calling home a long time ago, all in the air where I can’t breathe or function right or act normally

maybe this is all just karma
because i cant see whats right in front of me and act on such very selfish desires

and now you are all i think about it even tho youre the wrong one to be thinking about
and i dont know why theres just something about you that makes me happy and makes me think about you so much in a way that my lover doesnt make me feel or cycle through my mind

you make me feel happy in a way my lover doesn’t and i hate that.
I want to be in love with my lover and nothing and no one else, and him be enough and always enough

I dont want to have two guys
i dont want to feel two different kinds of loves
i dont want to dream different dreams
i dont want to believe in more than one idea
I dont want to be a bad woman
a bad love
a bad heart

i am so sad and silent and i want to have a conversation and i dont ever want to have a conversation because i’m in love with you and I dont want to talk about it

i want it all to go away
i want to feel numb
nothing but dumb

i dont want to be this kind of girl any more
i can not shout it enough to the skies


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