Maxwell: diary of a philandering husband.

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MAXWELL

           [ Diary Of A Philandering Husband ]

             MY SECRETARY...MY TEMPTATION.

             Chapter One.

 

It was about nightfall 6:45pm at seapoint where my department at work is having a sendoff party for a senior colleague Jack. He has just been promoted as the company Chief Financial Officer ( CFO ) and also been transferred to our corporate headquarters in Gauteng.

Jack is to leave Cape Town the following day to Pretoria to resume work as our company CFO. So we his work colleagues and friends here in Cape Town decided to organize this sendoff party in his honour. He will be greatly missed and we wish him all the very best in all his future endeavours.

I move up to the stage and click the glass with a spoon to call for everyone's attention.

'Ladies and Gentlemen i would like to propose a toast for my main man here Jack. You see Jack you and I have known each other for a very long time now. We were childhood buddies growing up in the same neighborhood in Soweto. We were contemporaries at the college and attended the same university.

We arrived Cape Town same year in the quest of a good living for ourselves. Our journey in life has not been an easy one but am proud today to say that we have made it'.

                           A round of applause from the crowd filled the atmosphere.

'Oh yes! we made it and today you have achieve a huge success as the company CFO even du e mathematics was your worse subject back in the days in high school.'

                         Laughter filled the atmosphere.

'I must say am so proud of you man. And i want to use this golden opportunity to tell you that and also wish you all the best in your new job. Now Ladies and Gentlemen kindly rise up your glasses as we make a toast to our new CFO.

        TO OUR NEW CFO JACK WILLIAMS. The crowd responded back...TO OUR NEW CFO JACK WILLIAMS. CHEERS! (Glasses click).

Co-workers gathered around to congratulate Jack. It was quite a memorable event with all the food,wine,fashion on display. The DJ was equal to the task as he filled the atmosphere with good music.

It is now time for the photo shoot as we all assembly together with the chief celebrant Jack in the center. Everyone smiling as the camera flashes on us and with the last flash of the camera my cellphone rang. it was my wife Soaphie calling, I had forgotten i was supposed to pick her up from the train station by 7:00pm and now it is 7:15pm.

My voice over the phone ‘Am sorry babe. I had to wait for the photo shoot, please hold on for a while. am on my way right now'.

My wife Soaphie is an impatient and cantankerous type. So i better be on my way. I hurried up to my friend Jack to say farewell before i take my leave. Jack was so emotional as he gave me a warm embrace.

'Thank you so much Maxwell for being here tonight, i appreciate it so much. am going to miss you my brother but always remember to keep in touch i want to know what is happening in your life and whenever you got a break from work. Don’t let me remain you to visit me in Pretoria. O.K?'.

'You can count on that Jack. Congratulations my man'.

'Thank you so much Maxwell, I appreciate'.

'I got to leave now Soaphie is impatiently waiting and you know how she reacts to a long wait'.

We both laugh at that.

'Extend me greetings to her but i suggest you give your secretary Rosie a lift. She is tipsy and you can't let her take a cab in such state.  Since her place is on the same route to the train station where you are heading to'.

'Alright Jack i will do just that. Safe journey to Pretoria my man and call me when you arrive.'

'Thank you Maxwell. I won't forget'.

I aid my staggering secretary to the car and throw in her possessions inside the car and zoom off in a hurry.

When i get to her apartment i search her handbag for the door keys as she is fast asleep. I opened the doors, pick her up and drop her on the bed. Her breasts and thighs were exposed and i start pondering of what a great chance it is to take advantage of her drunk situation but nevertheless i put myself together. fight the temptation close the doors and drove off to the train station to fetch Soaphie who has been calling my cellphone endlessly.

Getting there i met my wife Soaphie nagging angrily about me keeping her waiting for so long. I succeeded in cooling her fury off as i kiss and hug her saying 'I am sorry babe, am here now. Let’s go home'.

We got in the car and i speed up heading home and suddenly along the way i discovered a lady's pair of shoe beside my wife's feet.  'MY God! that must be Rosie's'. I muttered within.

How can i explain this to Soaphie if she should find the pair of a stiletto beside her feet? That will automatically label me a cheater. I can't possibly tell her the truth it will sound unbelievable that i did all that without even caressing her nude private part at lease. I just don't want to put myself in that defensive position. And maturity to me is the ability not to lie but not to tell the truth either. So i have to act matured and take care of that stiletto before it is been discovered.

An idea came to me to throw the stiletto out from the window. But to do that i need to distract Soaphie.

'Hey there seem to be a car accident over there.'  Soaphie refuse to turn her head towards the direction i was pointing at, she was glued to her cellphone as she kept on typing messages.

I became so worried.

'Hey there is a new construction site here now.'  Soaphie refuse to be distracted. Now am restless and very worried but i throw one interesting shot at her and she fall for it.

'Hey why is that man and woman fighting?'  She turns her head immediately and i threw the stiletto out of the window.

Am now relaxed as i drove home less worried. On getting home we step down from the car and my beloved wife asked me.  'Honey did you see the other pair of my shoe?.'

'My God! What is amiss with me?'.

So i was intoxicated and i didn't even notice it.

 

 

 

                               

                       THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL.

                           Chapter Two

                                              

It is Friday evening after work and as usual my humble self with Patrick and Tau my work colleagues and close buddies are relaxing at Kalk Bay restaurant by the beach side. It is weekend already and we can booze for kingdom sake. So what can possibly be our topic of discussion? Hmmm! let me think. Work! Yes as career-oriented men we ought to discuss about our careers as we unwind, or perhaps talk about our families. Our wives and kids. How good they are doing in school and at home. You know talk more of vital issues. But is that our topic of discussion? Hell no! No boring talks here. Of course we got to talk about women and sex. Believe me when i tell you that where two or more men are gathered women and sex is the agenda.

Now let me introduce you to my buddies.

Patrick is one hell of a guy. Two time son of a bitch. Head of the marketing department. happily married with two kids. Corporate womanizer as he must have slept with almost all the single ladies in the marketing department. he already had one sexual harassment case in the past but Mr. Patrick is not yet ready to give his life to Christ.

Tau the HR guy loves women a lot but lacks the confidence to approach any. still single and available. Cute, smart and sophisticated. Three time winner 'Best Employee of the Year' award.

Suddenly a goddess in human form came into the restaurant and sat down beside an empty table opposite us. she beckon the waiter and he went over to her table and take her order. As the waiter departs my buddies and I finally regain our vocal that was lost for some seconds.

'This is what i call ocean beauty, fresh from the sea' Patrick noted.

'Guys take a good look at those red stunning lips, a kiss from those lips can actually give life to a lifeless body' I added.

'What i love is the long fingers and well-polished nails. How i wish she can just stand up, come over here and place those fingers on my shoulders'. Tau added.

Patrick and I can't stop laughing.

'Come on guys. What’s funny?' Tau asked.

'You only know how to dream' Patrick replied.

'How do you mean?' Tau asked.

'How can you be dreaming of her coming over here to caress your body?' Patrick replied.

'That's the best one can do. Such a beautiful woman is out of reach'. Tau concluded.

'Tau speak only for you'. I fired.

'So Maxwell are you saying she is not far-fetched?' Tau asked.

'No woman is out of reach if you know how to use the magic words'. I answered.

'This time around i totally disagree with you that this angelic damsel here is not out of reach. We know you are good infact very good. You are without doubt a champion in this game but Maxwell you see this very one she is unapproachable i can tell you that. You can't win this very one before us'. Tau responded.

'Very well Tau i challenge you to put your money where your mouth is'. I replied.

Patrick can't stop laughing.

'Very well then Maxwell. a thousand rands said you can't get her cellphone number'. Tau responded.

'An additional five hundred rands said you can't drive her away from here in your car'. Patrick added.

Now the both of them are laughing at me.

'Let's see you use the magic words this time around’ said Tau.

'Tau is like our champion left his balls at home' mocked Patrick.

They both laugh.

'No Patrick his magic wand' Tau responded.

They both keep on laughing.

I quietly drown the remaining wine in my glass down my throat. Stood up and pick up my car key and cellphone on the table.

'Both of you better have my money with you by Monday morning' I said to them.

I then walk up to the table where the lady in question is enjoying her pie with Coca-Cola.

'Excuse me my lady. Please i have been here for the pass two hours waiting for my business associate in the mining industry to meet me here for a meeting which we scheduled for today. But i don't know why he is not here yet and he hasn't even called me to explain the reason for the delay. But nevertheless i have this network issue with my cellphone. Most at times people do complain that they do call me but can't reach me. So i want you to kindly help me out here by calling my cellphone for me to be sure that my line is going through. I said to the lady standing beside her.

'Is O.K. no problem? Can i have your number?' she asked in the most musical tone i ever heard. She bought out her cellphone from her handbag.

'Alright the number is 071 076 1027. i take it again 071 076 1027'. I called out my cellphone number out for her as she dials it my cellphone rang.

'My line is available. Thank you so much sweetheart'. I said to her touching her left shoulder.

'You are welcome' she replied.

I walked out of the restaurant. Tau and Patrick were gazing at me astonished at my method of approach. They sure not to bet their hard earned money against me in my area of specialization. One task done, one more to go. Tau has already lost his bet.

I walked into my car and gave the lady a call.

'Hello' her voice over the phone.

'Hello sweetheart i am the same guy you assisted in there. My business associate can't make it today actually so we have rescheduled for tomorrow. So right now am free and feeling generous. come outside you will see a white KIA jeep with the customized plate number written 'MAXWELL' come inside the car let me take you to town and spoil you a little. You deserve it so it is your lucky day'. I drop the call.

And within a minute the lady walked into my car and i zoom off i notice Patrick and Tau were standing by the balcony to witness my victory.

 

 

                                                  

                            CANTANKEROUS WIFE  

                                Chapter Three

 

I can hear my wife nagging at the dining table from my bedroom. She must have waked up from the wrong side of the bed this morning. She was complaining about something. Toothpicks! Oh my God! All that noise for toothpicks. She seems to have summoned the entire domestic staff. I can hear the voices of Rita the Zimbabwean cleaner, Wayo the Somalian security man and the new nanny i can't recall her name. My wife voice thundered.

'Every week i put a new pack of toothpicks on this dining table and it won't last till next weekend. Who among the three of you is wasting my toothpicks?'. My wife asked.

'Madam it is not me at all'. Answered Rita.

'Madam i only take it once in a while, but at times junior usually play at the dining table'. Answered the nanny.

Wayo gave a shocking answer that made everyone go bonkers.

'Madam as for me each time i use the toothpicks i always put it back in its container'.

Everybody scream 'What! Wayo!'.

I rushed out of my bedroom and Wayo immediately took to his heels. I rain abuses on him standing by the door.

'You chimpanzee. so i reuse the toothpicks you wayo has used already. Wonders will never end in this house. wayo are you crazy?. When i catch you i will surely pull those blown teeth of yours out. For goodness sake, what nonsense is this?’

Meanwhile my wife was irritated by the sudden bad news and she just had her breakfast. So she rushed into our private bathroom to either vomit or wash her mouth all i heard was the tap running. She came out afterwards with another bombshell.

Right in my wife's left hand is a female underwear.

'Both of you, who owns this underwear and how come i found it right in my private bathroom that i only share with my husband?' She asked.

'Madam as you already know. None of my belongings is in this house as i don't live here. I babysit junior during the day when you are at work and return back home to my husband in the evening when you return back from work. I believe Rita is in the right position to tell you whose underwear it is' the nanny replied my wife.

Rita waste no time in her own defense.

'No madam it is not mine oh! i don't wear underwear pants if you doubt me ask my master here he will confirm that it is true'. The idiot said pointing at me.

My wife turns to me with the speed of a lightening. 'Maxwell what is that suppose to mean?' She roar in fury.

My friends let me not finish this story because the catastrophic end of the story is not for readers under the age of 18. Thank you.

 

 

                                            

                          A Bad Hunting Day.

                            Chapter  Four

 

It is a beautiful sunny Saturday morning. Such a nice weather on weekends is a perfect time for hunting for those wonderful living creatures made by God.  Let me take you on a trip down the memory lane for those of you who study the scripture. Based on the history of creation according to the book of Genesis. God made man in his own image and kept him in the beautiful Garden of Eden with all the good things of life at his disposal but yet man was still lonely and unhappy. None of the beautiful things in the garden was able to provide the needed affection man desire.

Our God is an awesome God and a great thinker. He study man carefully and came up with a solution for his unhappiness. How gorgeous Eve must have been to make Adam fall in love at first sight. For most of you who don't believe in love at first sight. I will encourage you to read the scripture about the story of the first human beings on earth.

The only difference between me and Adam is that he only got one missing rib. But as for me all my ribs are missing and my wife is just one of the missing ribs. So therefore I am in the quest of other missing ribs.

And now standing before me by the entrance of Virgin Active Health Club at Steenberg is one of my missing ribs. She obviously came out of the gym and perhaps waiting for a taxi home.

I drove my car towards her direction and stop right in front of her and press down the door window glass.

'Hello gracious one. I wonder for how long you have been exposing this mirror of a body to the dangerous rays of this hot sun. So many fools must have passed you by without bothering to offer you a lift to your destination but guess what am no fool. It is my social responsibility to keep an angel like you away from this hot sun for its damaging to that mirror you call a body. So come in and let me give you a free and comfortable ride to wherever you are going' I flattered.

The lady gazed at me for like ten seconds, shake her head. Smile and open the car door. She sat down and slams the door then i zoom off.

'You are good, very good'. She said smiling.

I smile back at her. 'And you are beautiful, very beautiful'. I replied.

'Thank you'. She replied.

'So where are you going?' I asked.

'Home towards the end of the street, I am returning from the gym'. She answered.

'So gym is that the secret?' I asked smiling.

'No just to keep fit and in shape'. She answered smiling as well. Now the atmosphere is cleared. the tension is off and the mood is brighter. Time for the hunter to strike.

'It looks like you are free today, why don't we take some refreshment before i take you home'. I shoot in.

'Oh! No! I must freshen up first' She replied.

'Very well then i have to pick you up afterwards'. I said to her.

'Yes in an hour time. You can stop me here'. She said to me pointing to the spot. I pullover and stop the car at the very spot that is when the hunter became the hunted.

'Alright here we are angel. So let me have the number to call in an hour time'. I said to her.

'Pay me my money first before you can ask for my phone number' She replied.

I was confused. 'I don't understand you my dear. Which money are we talking about here?’ I humbly asked her.

'Listen Mr. whoever I am a hustler and your promiscuous lifestyle has just landed you into trouble waters unless you pay me five hundred rands i am going to create a screen here right now and people will assembly for us here. You slept with me all night long and refuse to pay. That is the story you get it. So what is it going to be?' She asked me as she took off her foot wears, mess up her hair and lit a cigarette.

'My dear did i offended you by giving you a lift?' I asked her in a low tune. We are in a busy street and this kind of scandal will dent my reputation.

She hit the dashboard and started shouting and grab hold of my t-shirt. 'I ASKED YOU FOR MY MONEY AND YOU SLAP ME. PAY ME MY MONEY FOR THE GOOD TIME I GAVE YOU LAST NIGHT'.

Passers-by are beginning to notice the drama happening inside my car and a police station wagon is within the environment. I quickly calm her down.

'Ok i will pay you'.

She let go of my t-shirt.

'But i can only afford to pay you four hundred rands now. That’s all the cash on me' I said to her.

'Let me have it'. She replied.

I bought out my wallet and gave her the money and honestly that was all the money i had on me that fateful morning.

'All that glitters is not gold; I hope you have learnt your lesson.' She said to me as she kiss me on the cheeks, pick up her foot wears and step out of my car.

It took me some few minutes to put myself together and drove away from the crime screen. All that glitters isn't gold indeed.

THE END.

 

Submitted: August 27, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 27, 2016

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MAXWELL

[ Diary Of A Philandering Husband ]

MY SECRETARY...MY TEMPTATION.

Chapter One.

It was about nightfall 6:45pm at seapoint where my department at work is having a sendoff party for a senior colleague Jack. He has just been promoted as the company Chief Financial Officer ( CFO ) and also been transferred to our corporate headquarters in Gauteng.

Jack is to leave Cape Town the following day to Pretoria to resume work as our company CFO. So we his work colleagues and friends here in Cape Town decided to organize this sendoff party in his honour. He will be greatly missed and we wish him all the very best in all his future endeavours.

I move up to the stage and click the glass with a spoon to call for everyone's attention.

'Ladies and Gentlemen i would like to propose a toast for my main man here Jack. You see Jack you and I have known each other for a very long time now. We were childhood buddies growing up in the same neighborhood in Soweto. We were contemporaries at the college and attended the same university.

We arrived Cape Town same year in the quest of a good living for ourselves. Our journey in life has not been an easy one but am proud today to say that we have made it'.

A round of applause from the crowd filled the atmosphere.

'Oh yes! we made it and today you have achieve a huge success as the company CFO even du e mathematics was your worse subject back in the days in high school.'

Laughter filled the atmosphere.

'I must say am so proud of you man. And i want to use this golden opportunity to tell you that and also wish you all the best in your new job. Now Ladies and Gentlemen kindly rise up your glasses as we make a toast to our new CFO.

TO OUR NEW CFO JACK WILLIAMS. The crowd responded back...TO OUR NEW CFO JACK WILLIAMS. CHEERS! (Glasses click).

Co-workers gathered around to congratulate Jack. It was quite a memorable event with all the food,wine,fashion on display. The DJ was equal to the task as he filled the atmosphere with good music.

It is now time for the photo shoot as we all assembly together with the chief celebrant Jack in the center. Everyone smiling as the camera flashes on us and with the last flash of the camera my cellphone rang. it was my wife Soaphie calling, I had forgotten i was supposed to pick her up from the train station by 7:00pm and now it is 7:15pm.

My voice over the phone ‘Am sorry babe. I had to wait for the photo shoot, please hold on for a while. am on my way right now'.

My wife Soaphie is an impatient and cantankerous type. So i better be on my way. I hurried up to my friend Jack to say farewell before i take my leave. Jack was so emotional as he gave me a warm embrace.

'Thank you so much Maxwell for being here tonight, i appreciate it so much. am going to miss you my brother but always remember to keep in touch i want to know what is happening in your life and whenever you got a break from work. Don’t let me remain you to visit me in Pretoria. O.K?'.

'You can count on that Jack. Congratulations my man'.

'Thank you so much Maxwell, I appreciate'.

'I got to leave now Soaphie is impatiently waiting and you know how she reacts to a long wait'.

We both laugh at that.

'Extend me greetings to her but i suggest you give your secretary Rosie a lift. She is tipsy and you can't let her take a cab in such state. Since her place is on the same route to the train station where you are heading to'.

'Alright Jack i will do just that. Safe journey to Pretoria my man and call me when you arrive.'

'Thank you Maxwell. I won't forget'.

I aid my staggering secretary to the car and throw in her possessions inside the car and zoom off in a hurry.

When i get to her apartment i search her handbag for the door keys as she is fast asleep. I opened the doors, pick her up and drop her on the bed. Her breasts and thighs were exposed and i start pondering of what a great chance it is to take advantage of her drunk situation but nevertheless i put myself together. fight the temptation close the doors and drove off to the train station to fetch Soaphie who has been calling my cellphone endlessly.

Getting there i met my wife Soaphie nagging angrily about me keeping her waiting for so long. I succeeded in cooling her fury off as i kiss and hug her saying 'I am sorry babe, am here now. Let’s go home'.

We got in the car and i speed up heading home and suddenly along the way i discovered a lady's pair of shoe beside my wife's feet. 'MY God! that must be Rosie's'. I muttered within.

How can i explain this to Soaphie if she should find the pair of a stiletto beside her feet? That will automatically label me a cheater. I can't possibly tell her the truth it will sound unbelievable that i did all that without even caressing her nude private part at lease. I just don't want to put myself in that defensive position. And maturity to me is the ability not to lie but not to tell the truth either. So i have to act matured and take care of that stiletto before it is been discovered.

An idea came to me to throw the stiletto out from the window. But to do that i need to distract Soaphie.

'Hey there seem to be a car accident over there.' Soaphie refuse to turn her head towards the direction i was pointing at, she was glued to her cellphone as she kept on typing messages.

I became so worried.

'Hey there is a new construction site here now.' Soaphie refuse to be distracted. Now am restless and very worried but i throw one interesting shot at her and she fall for it.

'Hey why is that man and woman fighting?' She turns her head immediately and i threw the stiletto out of the window.

Am now relaxed as i drove home less worried. On getting home we step down from the car and my beloved wife asked me. 'Honey did you see the other pair of my shoe?.'

'My God! What is amiss with me?'.

So i was intoxicated and i didn't even notice it.

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL.

Chapter Two

It is Friday evening after work and as usual my humble self with Patrick and Tau my work colleagues and close buddies are relaxing at Kalk Bay restaurant by the beach side. It is weekend already and we can booze for kingdom sake. So what can possibly be our topic of discussion? Hmmm! let me think. Work! Yes as career-oriented men we ought to discuss about our careers as we unwind, or perhaps talk about our families. Our wives and kids. How good they are doing in school and at home. You know talk more of vital issues. But is that our topic of discussion? Hell no! No boring talks here. Of course we got to talk about women and sex. Believe me when i tell you that where two or more men are gathered women and sex is the agenda.

Now let me introduce you to my buddies.

Patrick is one hell of a guy. Two time son of a bitch. Head of the marketing department. happily married with two kids. Corporate womanizer as he must have slept with almost all the single ladies in the marketing department. he already had one sexual harassment case in the past but Mr. Patrick is not yet ready to give his life to Christ.

Tau the HR guy loves women a lot but lacks the confidence to approach any. still single and available. Cute, smart and sophisticated. Three time winner 'Best Employee of the Year' award.

Suddenly a goddess in human form came into the restaurant and sat down beside an empty table opposite us. she beckon the waiter and he went over to her table and take her order. As the waiter departs my buddies and I finally regain our vocal that was lost for some seconds.

'This is what i call ocean beauty, fresh from the sea' Patrick noted.

'Guys take a good look at those red stunning lips, a kiss from those lips can actually give life to a lifeless body' I added.

'What i love is the long fingers and well-polished nails. How i wish she can just stand up, come over here and place those fingers on my shoulders'. Tau added.

Patrick and I can't stop laughing.

'Come on guys. What’s funny?' Tau asked.

'You only know how to dream' Patrick replied.

'How do you mean?' Tau asked.

'How can you be dreaming of her coming over here to caress your body?' Patrick replied.

'That's the best one can do. Such a beautiful woman is out of reach'. Tau concluded.

'Tau speak only for you'. I fired.

'So Maxwell are you saying she is not far-fetched?' Tau asked.

'No woman is out of reach if you know how to use the magic words'. I answered.

'This time around i totally disagree with you that this angelic damsel here is not out of reach. We know you are good infact very good. You are without doubt a champion in this game but Maxwell you see this very one she is unapproachable i can tell you that. You can't win this very one before us'. Tau responded.

'Very well Tau i challenge you to put your money where your mouth is'. I replied.

Patrick can't stop laughing.

'Very well then Maxwell. a thousand rands said you can't get her cellphone number'. Tau responded.

'An additional five hundred rands said you can't drive her away from here in your car'. Patrick added.

Now the both of them are laughing at me.

'Let's see you use the magic words this time around’ said Tau.

'Tau is like our champion left his balls at home' mocked Patrick.

They both laugh.

'No Patrick his magic wand' Tau responded.

They both keep on laughing.

I quietly drown the remaining wine in my glass down my throat. Stood up and pick up my car key and cellphone on the table.

'Both of you better have my money with you by Monday morning' I said to them.

I then walk up to the table where the lady in question is enjoying her pie with Coca-Cola.

'Excuse me my lady. Please i have been here for the pass two hours waiting for my business associate in the mining industry to meet me here for a meeting which we scheduled for today. But i don't know why he is not here yet and he hasn't even called me to explain the reason for the delay. But nevertheless i have this network issue with my cellphone. Most at times people do complain that they do call me but can't reach me. So i want you to kindly help me out here by calling my cellphone for me to be sure that my line is going through. I said to the lady standing beside her.

'Is O.K. no problem? Can i have your number?' she asked in the most musical tone i ever heard. She bought out her cellphone from her handbag.

'Alright the number is 071 076 1027. i take it again 071 076 1027'. I called out my cellphone number out for her as she dials it my cellphone rang.

'My line is available. Thank you so much sweetheart'. I said to her touching her left shoulder.

'You are welcome' she replied.

I walked out of the restaurant. Tau and Patrick were gazing at me astonished at my method of approach. They sure not to bet their hard earned money against me in my area of specialization. One task done, one more to go. Tau has already lost his bet.

I walked into my car and gave the lady a call.

'Hello' her voice over the phone.

'Hello sweetheart i am the same guy you assisted in there. My business associate can't make it today actually so we have rescheduled for tomorrow. So right now am free and feeling generous. come outside you will see a white KIA jeep with the customized plate number written 'MAXWELL' come inside the car let me take you to town and spoil you a little. You deserve it so it is your lucky day'. I drop the call.

And within a minute the lady walked into my car and i zoom off i notice Patrick and Tau were standing by the balcony to witness my victory.

CANTANKEROUS WIFE

Chapter Three

I can hear my wife nagging at the dining table from my bedroom. She must have waked up from the wrong side of the bed this morning. She was complaining about something. Toothpicks! Oh my God! All that noise for toothpicks. She seems to have summoned the entire domestic staff. I can hear the voices of Rita the Zimbabwean cleaner, Wayo the Somalian security man and the new nanny i can't recall her name. My wife voice thundered.

'Every week i put a new pack of toothpicks on this dining table and it won't last till next weekend. Who among the three of you is wasting my toothpicks?'. My wife asked.

'Madam it is not me at all'. Answered Rita.

'Madam i only take it once in a while, but at times junior usually play at the dining table'. Answered the nanny.

Wayo gave a shocking answer that made everyone go bonkers.

'Madam as for me each time i use the toothpicks i always put it back in its container'.

Everybody scream 'What! Wayo!'.

I rushed out of my bedroom and Wayo immediately took to his heels. I rain abuses on him standing by the door.

'You chimpanzee. so i reuse the toothpicks you wayo has used already. Wonders will never end in this house. wayo are you crazy?. When i catch you i will surely pull those blown teeth of yours out. For goodness sake, what nonsense is this?’

Meanwhile my wife was irritated by the sudden bad news and she just had her breakfast. So she rushed into our private bathroom to either vomit or wash her mouth all i heard was the tap running. She came out afterwards with another bombshell.

Right in my wife's left hand is a female underwear.

'Both of you, who owns this underwear and how come i found it right in my private bathroom that i only share with my husband?' She asked.

'Madam as you already know. None of my belongings is in this house as i don't live here. I babysit junior during the day when you are at work and return back home to my husband in the evening when you return back from work. I believe Rita is in the right position to tell you whose underwear it is' the nanny replied my wife.

Rita waste no time in her own defense.

'No madam it is not mine oh! i don't wear underwear pants if you doubt me ask my master here he will confirm that it is true'. The idiot said pointing at me.

My wife turns to me with the speed of a lightening. 'Maxwell what is that suppose to mean?' She roar in fury.

My friends let me not finish this story because the catastrophic end of the story is not for readers under the age of 18. Thank you.

A Bad Hunting Day.

Chapter Four

It is a beautiful sunny Saturday morning. Such a nice weather on weekends is a perfect time for hunting for those wonderful living creatures made by God. Let me take you on a trip down the memory lane for those of you who study the scripture. Based on the history of creation according to the book of Genesis. God made man in his own image and kept him in the beautiful Garden of Eden with all the good things of life at his disposal but yet man was still lonely and unhappy. None of the beautiful things in the garden was able to provide the needed affection man desire.

Our God is an awesome God and a great thinker. He study man carefully and came up with a solution for his unhappiness. How gorgeous Eve must have been to make Adam fall in love at first sight. For most of you who don't believe in love at first sight. I will encourage you to read the scripture about the story of the first human beings on earth.

The only difference between me and Adam is that he only got one missing rib. But as for me all my ribs are missing and my wife is just one of the missing ribs. So therefore I am in the quest of other missing ribs.

And now standing before me by the entrance of Virgin Active Health Club at Steenberg is one of my missing ribs. She obviously came out of the gym and perhaps waiting for a taxi home.

I drove my car towards her direction and stop right in front of her and press down the door window glass.

'Hello gracious one. I wonder for how long you have been exposing this mirror of a body to the dangerous rays of this hot sun. So many fools must have passed you by without bothering to offer you a lift to your destination but guess what am no fool. It is my social responsibility to keep an angel like you away from this hot sun for its damaging to that mirror you call a body. So come in and let me give you a free and comfortable ride to wherever you are going' I flattered.

The lady gazed at me for like ten seconds, shake her head. Smile and open the car door. She sat down and slams the door then i zoom off.

'You are good, very good'. She said smiling.

I smile back at her. 'And you are beautiful, very beautiful'. I replied.

'Thank you'. She replied.

'So where are you going?' I asked.

'Home towards the end of the street, I am returning from the gym'. She answered.

'So gym is that the secret?' I asked smiling.

'No just to keep fit and in shape'. She answered smiling as well. Now the atmosphere is cleared. the tension is off and the mood is brighter. Time for the hunter to strike.

'It looks like you are free today, why don't we take some refreshment before i take you home'. I shoot in.

'Oh! No! I must freshen up first' She replied.

'Very well then i have to pick you up afterwards'. I said to her.

'Yes in an hour time. You can stop me here'. She said to me pointing to the spot. I pullover and stop the car at the very spot that is when the hunter became the hunted.

'Alright here we are angel. So let me have the number to call in an hour time'. I said to her.

'Pay me my money first before you can ask for my phone number' She replied.

I was confused. 'I don't understand you my dear. Which money are we talking about here?’ I humbly asked her.

'Listen Mr. whoever I am a hustler and your promiscuous lifestyle has just landed you into trouble waters unless you pay me five hundred rands i am going to create a screen here right now and people will assembly for us here. You slept with me all night long and refuse to pay. That is the story you get it. So what is it going to be?' She asked me as she took off her foot wears, mess up her hair and lit a cigarette.

'My dear did i offended you by giving you a lift?' I asked her in a low tune. We are in a busy street and this kind of scandal will dent my reputation.

She hit the dashboard and started shouting and grab hold of my t-shirt. 'I ASKED YOU FOR MY MONEY AND YOU SLAP ME. PAY ME MY MONEY FOR THE GOOD TIME I GAVE YOU LAST NIGHT'.

Passers-by are beginning to notice the drama happening inside my car and a police station wagon is within the environment. I quickly calm her down.

'Ok i will pay you'.

She let go of my t-shirt.

'But i can only afford to pay you four hundred rands now. That’s all the cash on me' I said to her.

'Let me have it'. She replied.

I bought out my wallet and gave her the money and honestly that was all the money i had on me that fateful morning.

'All that glitters is not gold; I hope you have learnt your lesson.' She said to me as she kiss me on the cheeks, pick up her foot wears and step out of my car.

It took me some few minutes to put myself together and drove away from the crime screen. All that glitters isn't gold indeed.

THE END.


© Copyright 2017 Salty P. All rights reserved.

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