when it first happened

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 29, 2016

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Submitted: August 29, 2016

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IT'S JUST NOT THAT EASY!!

……..question like am I not any beautiful, am I not romantic enough? Am I boring? Am I cursed or it,s just a fate upon me? Those are the questions you ask yourself when you have really and desperately tried to have a true long lasting relationship and nothing adds up. You know I am that gal who is so true and loyal in everything I do, hence everything I do , it,s from my level best. Now lemme narrate you briefly about my love story. First love, I met him, so charming and so charismatic, everything about him mesmerized me, height, talking , dressing his body size, not talking about his company, the love he got from people, his brain, a gentleman and the best of all the way he epressed his love unto me. Maybe it was eal love or I was just being blind fooled since it was my first time to fall in love. I wholesomely loved him so much that everything about my life revolved around him, little did I notice that he had some weird behaviors. From Friday evening he cold come to my place or I go to his, have all the fun that we could till Monday morning when leaving for work. This time is different, he doesn’t show up and his phone is 90% off, withno clear reason. I was afrai of thinking he’s even cheating on me, and one Friday night as he had really tried (because I had to beg and teas him)to show up in my place, I played a fool to get the truth . he was a bit drunk and as they say a baby and a drunk persons talks the truth, I grabed that chance and here,s the conversation; Me: beb have a question and please answer me honestly, I promise won’t get mad will understand you coz I love you dearly Him : mmmh go ahead will answer you Me: who am I to you Him: si wewe ni manzi yangu (you are my girlfriend ) Me: can you cheat on me and if so how many chick do you have ( innocently ) Him: kusema ukweli mimi siwezikaa na dem mmoja, niko na kama watano, na nikimpoteza mmoja natafta replacement ( to be honest, I can’t stay with one girlfriend I have like five and if I loose one I replace her) Me: what? So you have been cheating on me??? Him: beb you told me you won’t be mad…. … I felt life a thunderstorm in my head after hearing that statement, couldn’t believe my ears, my stomach felt cold as if it’s full of water and my tongue filled my mouth. I couldn't talk anymore word. My teas felt really quick from my eyes and I couldn’t hold them or do anything, my whole body was numb and I couldn’t even hear whatever he was begging me to. The little strength I got was to chase him from my house. I can remember that day like it was just yesterday , so many things run to my head, ‘what are you going to do now’ ‘whom else are you going to love’ ‘who is going to be there for you’ how are you going to cope what if you never find anybody else to love and who ca love you back?. But one thing was clear in my mind, NO TURNING BACK, AM GONNA MOVE ON NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE. I had decided that even if it’s going to cause me death was ready for it. I surely did’t know heartbreak is so intense until when nothing, absolutely nothing was making sense to me. I prayed God for one thing which He granted me ; not to lack strength to go to work, being in up country for my first time and having totally no one to depend on, I really needed that job. Now the worst part is we worked together the same company but different departments, so sometimes we could bang to each other. I felt so scared where even if he said hi I wasn’t able to respond and that added salt into an injure place, that could ruin my whole day and I cried the whole night. My house became a lodging where I just slept and took a shower, I never cooked or anything, I couldn’t even was my clothes I payed some mamas to do it for me, I had no strength for anything except for my job. For more than 6 months everything was black and white to me and I even forgot how to smile because nothing could. I remember sometimes I could wake up pray to God that on my way to work may a lorry hit me beyond survival. I didn’t die God had a plan for me. I tried to indulge myself in a relationship so that it can alleviate the pain but I couldn’t come across a guy guy who was even closer to him, no none of all of them was near, and so I soaked myself in depression, hate loss of hope , tears daily and regrets. Sometimes I even judged myself that I could’ve given him another chance but my slogan remained that NO TURNING BACK!!! Everyday I woke up I was slimmer than I was the day before, I extremely lost weight, I weighed 38 Kgs, everything in the whole world was black and white and I could ask myself what really makes life happy or worth of living. Is it money, wealth, fame, family, friends beauty, nothing that could’ve been offered to me then could make any sense. I tried to tell my best friend Josephine Karuri but it didn’t change a thing, and as she tried to tell me I’ll be ok, just hated her inside and thought she doesn’t know how am feeling and she’s just saying that just like anyone else could say when the misfortune have be folded you. WHAT BROUGHT ME TO LIFE AGAIN. The third thing I did in my house apart from sleeping and taking a shower was to watch the Tv, an there was programme I used to follow called Cursed By The Sea. I can’t remember really what was really transpiring in that soap but one thing that I can really remember and tat motivated me to watch it, was the end song which was played, and there was this very young beautiful girl who was singing, dancing and full of joy. I really envied her and I remember praying to God that He can make me happy like that girl, her happiness came from deep inside her heart and that’s what I really wanted, happiness from my heart, without faking. Slowly by slowly I started felling some happiness in me and I even smiled. Eventually I healed up and started my life all over again. I was assigned as a junior under his department and hes tried to take advantage to woe me back but I couldn’t, he even had the guts of telling me “ahh hiyo ni kitu kidogo ilihappen na najua tunawezaifanya iwe sawa kwa sababu bado nakupenda” ( that’s a small thing that happened, and I know we can correct it since I still love you) I didn’t know if he meant it that what happened was something small or he was just trying to escape from shame and all that. I felt hurt somehow knowing he didn’t even see my heartbreak something that almost caused me my life and to him was not that serious. And I just told him “wewe bibi utakayeoa atakutesa na akuumize vile uliniumiza, ndio ujue mapenzi ni machung” ( the woman you’ll marry will mistreat and hurt you the way you did to me , for you to know that love is painful. He responded that he can’t love that much to be hurt, he told me that being in love is being stupid. Today though much have happened to me in love life, my ex married, and since we still work together, I’ve seen him go through hell up to this moment. He comes to me for advice telling me sorry. I forgave him long a go and I really don’t have any feeling for him at all, we are just colleag frinds. I didn’t curse him but the tongue has power and what goes around comes around

Next I’ll be writing about my continuation of love life.

Truphena Tru.


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