American In-Breeders Dictionary: A-F

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Yee-Haw!

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A

A A A


 

I apologize for this mess of a post!

 

(The Meaning of Several Words or Phrases

-denotes which syllable (A part of the word) should be emphasized

 

 

 

Now available at convenience stores who sell corn nuts and alcohol

 

Airbag--‘air-bag--pet name for a person’s stomach

 

Air freshener--‘air-fresh-en-er--a nice-smelling tree-shaped deal that you hang up to cover the stench of the air in your single wide

 

Angst--angst--what working on this damn dictionary causes

 

Another time--‘an-oth-er-time--when you buy a second clock

 

“Are you my dad?--are-‘you-my-dad?--question asked by people who just aren’t sure; used to identify possible relatives

 

Article--‘art-i-cle--those things in your newspaper with a lot of words that you skip over till you get to the comics

 

Au-gratin--au-‘gratin--an expression of disgust--IE “Oh, these crab cakes au gratin!”

 

Bad luck--‘bad-luck--the only kind of luck known to you

 

Bad news--‘bad-news--when your Uncle Fester calls to say he’s staying with you for an undetermined length of time

 

Baked--baked--we did know this definition, but we forgot

 

Baker’s dozen--‘bak-er’s-doz-en--about 9 higher than you can count

 

Bald--bald--what you are when you remove the “It’s 9 inches” trout fishing baseball cap

 

Ball bearing--ball-bear-ing--men’s underwear

 

Ballistic--ball-ist-ic--a guy with gigantic testicles

 

Bar stool-‘bar-stool--going to the bathroom at the tavern

 

Bartender--‘bar-ten-der--the unfortunate person who is subjected to your slurred, unfunny ramblings

 

Baseball hat--‘base-ball-hat--hat with a picture of you, with writing below it that proclaims, “Single and Available!”

 

Battle axe--‘bat-tle-ax--another name for your mother-in-law

 

Beer belly--‘beer-belly--opposite sex attractor; also used as a floatation device while swimming

 

Best friend--‘best-friend--person who bails you out after your arrest

 

Bite me--‘bite-me--what you say to the cop who pulls you over for driving 30 mph in a 65 mph zone, and weaving all over

 

Black--black--if you want to understand what the color black looks like, look at your teeth in the mirror

 

Blarney--'blar-ney--the way you pronounce your friend Barney’s name after hoovering beer all night at a tavern

 

Blended-‘blend-ed--the result of sweeping up your tobacco after spilling it on the floor, and using it

 

Bloody--‘blood-y--what your face will be once your angry wife catches you and uses her weapon of choice

 

Blow-by--‘blow-by--when your partner wants recognition for an act performed

 

Blue balls--‘blue-balls--what you get when a can of blue spray paint explodes in your pants

 

Bobby--‘bob-by--the  pet name you give your Johnson one night when using a funnel to down several malt liquors at once

 

Bottom feeder--‘bot-tom-feed-er--what your friends call you behind your back

 

Botulism--‘bot-u-lism--an other name for you aunt’s cooking

 

Boulder--‘boul-der--an increasing sense of confidence--IE--“The more I’ve had to drink, the boulder I get!”

 

Bratwurst--‘brat-wurst--the opposite of brautbest

 

Brew ha-ha--‘brew-ha-ha--when you laugh so hard, the beer you’re drinking comes out your nose

 

Broom--broom--the weapon of choice for your angry wife

 

Brush--brush--something your hair will never see

 

Buck toothed--‘buck-toothed-dentures that cost a dollar

 

Buttocks--‘but-tocks--when your a** says it looks hot

 

Cahoots--ca’hoots--an entire family of ca birds

 

Cake--cake--what dirt does on your skin if you miss either of your monthly showers

 

Calendar--‘cal-an-dar--a handy item for when you drink so much, you forget what day it is

 

Call girl--‘call-girl--a woman who spends all her time on the phone

 

Camp stove--‘camp-stove--a stove you take camping; the drawback being they weigh a ton, and require a miles-long extension chord

 

Cannon fodder--can-non-fod-der--what the hell’s a fodder?  Whatever it is, it has something to do with a hollow, long tube, out of which comes a projectile

 

Can’t catch a break--‘can’t-catch-a-break--having no luck when you go break fishing

 

Cardboard--‘card-board--what your frozen pizza tastes like after you attempt to cook it while hammered

 

Carton--‘car-ton--the handy container your cigarettes come in

 

 

Cartwheel-‘cart-wheel-what you accidently do when you try to pass the sobriety test

 

Castle--‘cas-tle--a triple wide mobile home

 

Cattle call--‘catt-le-call--what you do when looking for lost livestock

 

Cauliflower--‘cal-i-flow-er--what do you?

 

Caviar--‘cav-i-ar--gross-tasting fish embryos

 

Cell burgers--what they serve you to eat in jail

 

Chain link fence--‘chain-link-fence--an impenetrable barrier for keeping creditors off your back; a perfect improvised bottle opener.  Simply insert bottle anywhere along fence, and twist.  Twisting will sheer (bust) off top of that 64 ounce bad boy that you bought to bring home, but you just can’t wait; you’re thirsty now

 

Cheeks--cheeks--face protrusions that hold in all the chewing tobacco you stuff into your mouth

 

Cheese Puffs--‘cheese-puffs--makes for good “I’m bombed, and hungry” snack food

 

Chewing tobacco--‘chew-ing-tob-bacc-o--tobacco product where it is essential user stuffs as much in their face as possible, (maybe more).  Also considered an aphrodisiac in many countries

 

Chow time--‘chow-time--what takes up you time between beer binges

 

Classy--‘cl-as-sy--has absolutely nothing to do with you

 

Clean--clean--the opposite of what your single wide is

 

Clean and jerk--‘clean-and-jerk--showering before masturbating

 

Cletus--‘Cle-tus--popular name for relatives (cousins, uncles, etc.)

 

Clock-clock--a device used for figuring out how much drinking time you have left before closing

 

Close shave--‘close-shave--the shave you get when you drunkenly stagger face-first into an oscillating fan

 

Clown--clown--you

 

Coat hanger--‘coat-hang-er--a device used to unlock your 4x4 truck when you get wasted and accidently lock your keys inside

 

Code red--‘code-red--the code of the fire department when the respond to your house to douse the flames when you slightly misjudged how long it would take for dinner to cook

 

Coffee--‘cof-fee--nectar o’ the gods

 

Cold medicine--‘cold-medicine--what you take several of, and mix with a bunch of dark beers; the result is one hell of a buzz

 

College--‘col-lege--A big group of building that people like you pass by on your way to work the graveyard shift at “The Happy Reefer Shack”

 

Convenience store--con-‘ven-i-ence store--big building where a person can purchase staples of every day living (beer, chewing tobacco, corn dogs, hats with tractors on them, frozen burritos, etc;  often open 24 hours

 

Couch--couch--a place to sleep after your wife decides she’s had enough

 

Cousin--‘cous-in--eligible marriage material, or to date if you just want some fun

 

Cranium--‘cran-i-um--when your ium is way off the ground

 

Crime tape--‘crime-tape--what the police use to seal the doors of your 4X4

 

Crimson--‘crim-son--your face after the disappointment when you realize that the comment from the guy standing next to you, “nice a**!” was meant for the girl beside you

 

Crinkle cut--‘crin-kle-cut--the kind of frozen fries you stupidly buy after getting hammered and going shopping, You wanted the other kind

 

Cross action--‘cross -act-ion--looking to score off of a transvestite

 

Customized--‘cus-tom-ized--what your ordinary 4X4 will become when it’s turned into a monster truck, with flames painted on the side

Danger--‘dan-ger--what you’re in because you stuck a high-voltage power line down your pants, for some reason

 

Daydream--‘day-dream--that you are any different than the other 6.94 billion people

 

Daylight--‘day-light--what comes out of that fiery orb in the sky and blinds your eyes when you come to with a splitting headache after hoovering countless beers at a rundown dump of a tavern last night

 

Delight--‘de-light--what you say when you find the lamp

 

Democrat--‘dem-o-crat-- reprehensible bottom feeder; automatic no vote

 

Detour--‘de-tour--when you pay $5 to be shown around

 

Dewsy--‘dew-sy--what you get when you’re so drunk, you do a face-plant into a field on a chilly December morning

 

Dial--‘di-al--the knob on your AM radio that you turn until you’re listening to country music

 

Diarrhea--‘di-arh-rea--what comes out of your mouth when you say something stupid

 

Double yellow--‘dou-ble-yell-ow--the magnetic line on the highway that seems to attract your car tires when coming home from the tavern

 

Downspout--‘down-spout--a spout that’s seeing a psychiatrist

 

Dreadlocks--‘dread-locks--a crippling fear of being unable to find your keys


Dresser--‘dres-ser--a cabinet, usually made of wood, that holds your country music tee-shirts, your single pair of jeans that you hook your wallet on a chain to, your weekly supply of 2 pair of underwear (your vest hangs in the closet), and your pack of condoms, just in case you meet a girl at the tavern tonight who isn’t aware of your reputation (well deserved) as an absolute sex-crazed freak-a**, and you get lucky

 

 

Dung heap--‘dung-heap--a description of your house after hosting a Super Bowl party for relatives

 

Electrolytes--el-‘ec-tro-lytes--lighter than heavy electo's

 

Elevator--‘el-e-vat-or--We don’t know what it means, but there is no way yours goes to the top

 

End over end--‘end-ov-er-end--describes what your body does after you lose control of the motocross bike

 

Erosion--e-ros-ion--what happens to you judgment after

snorkling beer all evening

 

Excrement--‘ex-cre-ment--what your hopes and dreams turn into

 

Expiration date--‘ex-pir-a-tion-date--we’re not sure, but we think it has something to do with a date printed on food labels

 

Eye candy--‘eye-can-dy--when you’re such a pig, you miss your mouth

 

Fabric--‘fab-ric--what you snag on the wire fence of your neighbor’s, when you try sneaking in when it’s dark so you can spy on their hot daughter as she’s changing for cheerleader practice

 

Fanny pack--‘fanny-pack--when your girlfriend Fanny carries stuff

 

Feelings--‘feel-ings-what the male of the species don’t have a clue about

 

Fierce--fierce--word you use to describe an especially-tasty bowl of chili at “Sawed-Off Mama’s Bar and Grill”; IE, “That was one good bowl of chili; fierce!”

 

Firebrand--‘fire-brand--denotes which company marketed it

 

Fire extinguisher--‘fire-ex-ting-uish-er--the effect of alcohol on your love life

 

Fire goo--‘fire-goo--what you get any time you try to cook, anything

 

Fishing lure--‘fish-ing-lure--sticks of dynamite

 

Flaming surprise--‘flam-ing-sur-prise--what’s for dinner

 

Flimsy--‘flim-sy--describes the cardboard box that serves as your living quarters

 

Fog horn--‘fog-horn--horn you attach to your 4X4 and is activated by depressing a button on your key chain when you’re too blotto to remember where you parked

 

Force feed--‘force-feed--when food is thrown at you with incredible velocity

 

Forest--‘for-est--the thing that prevents you from seeing the trees

 

Four-by-four--‘four-by-four--a manly vehicle for men, as well as women who chew, that allows for plenty of drunken mistakes.  Also serves as a handy place to pass out, when you just can’t make it home

 

Four door--‘four-door--a more comfortable car for living in than a 2-door

Frown--frown--what others do when they see you

 

Frozen Burrito--‘fro-zen burr-it-o--a good stand-by to eat for the person who gets so drunk, they shouldn’t be anywhere around something that glows orange and heats things up (stove)

 

Funnel-‘funn-el--a device used to drink beer faster

 

Furtive glance--‘fur-tive-glance--when you’re out hunting beaver, and you see movement out of the corner of your eye

 


© Copyright 2017 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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