American In-Breeders Dictionary: A-F

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 30, 2016




I apologize for this mess of a post!


(The Meaning of Several Words or Phrases

-denotes which syllable (A part of the word) should be emphasized




Now available at convenience stores who sell corn nuts and alcohol


Airbag--‘air-bag--pet name for a person’s stomach


Air freshener--‘air-fresh-en-er--a nice-smelling tree-shaped deal that you hang up to cover the stench of the air in your single wide


Angst--angst--what working on this damn dictionary causes


Another time--‘an-oth-er-time--when you buy a second clock


“Are you my dad?--are-‘you-my-dad?--question asked by people who just aren’t sure; used to identify possible relatives


Article--‘art-i-cle--those things in your newspaper with a lot of words that you skip over till you get to the comics


Au-gratin--au-‘gratin--an expression of disgust--IE “Oh, these crab cakes au gratin!”


Bad luck--‘bad-luck--the only kind of luck known to you


Bad news--‘bad-news--when your Uncle Fester calls to say he’s staying with you for an undetermined length of time


Baked--baked--we did know this definition, but we forgot


Baker’s dozen--‘bak-er’s-doz-en--about 9 higher than you can count


Bald--bald--what you are when you remove the “It’s 9 inches” trout fishing baseball cap


Ball bearing--ball-bear-ing--men’s underwear


Ballistic--ball-ist-ic--a guy with gigantic testicles


Bar stool-‘bar-stool--going to the bathroom at the tavern


Bartender--‘bar-ten-der--the unfortunate person who is subjected to your slurred, unfunny ramblings


Baseball hat--‘base-ball-hat--hat with a picture of you, with writing below it that proclaims, “Single and Available!”


Battle axe--‘bat-tle-ax--another name for your mother-in-law


Beer belly--‘beer-belly--opposite sex attractor; also used as a floatation device while swimming


Best friend--‘best-friend--person who bails you out after your arrest


Bite me--‘bite-me--what you say to the cop who pulls you over for driving 30 mph in a 65 mph zone, and weaving all over


Black--black--if you want to understand what the color black looks like, look at your teeth in the mirror


Blarney--'blar-ney--the way you pronounce your friend Barney’s name after hoovering beer all night at a tavern


Blended-‘blend-ed--the result of sweeping up your tobacco after spilling it on the floor, and using it


Bloody--‘blood-y--what your face will be once your angry wife catches you and uses her weapon of choice


Blow-by--‘blow-by--when your partner wants recognition for an act performed


Blue balls--‘blue-balls--what you get when a can of blue spray paint explodes in your pants


Bobby--‘bob-by--the  pet name you give your Johnson one night when using a funnel to down several malt liquors at once


Bottom feeder--‘bot-tom-feed-er--what your friends call you behind your back


Botulism--‘bot-u-lism--an other name for you aunt’s cooking


Boulder--‘boul-der--an increasing sense of confidence--IE--“The more I’ve had to drink, the boulder I get!”


Bratwurst--‘brat-wurst--the opposite of brautbest


Brew ha-ha--‘brew-ha-ha--when you laugh so hard, the beer you’re drinking comes out your nose


Broom--broom--the weapon of choice for your angry wife


Brush--brush--something your hair will never see


Buck toothed--‘buck-toothed-dentures that cost a dollar


Buttocks--‘but-tocks--when your a** says it looks hot


Cahoots--ca’hoots--an entire family of ca birds


Cake--cake--what dirt does on your skin if you miss either of your monthly showers


Calendar--‘cal-an-dar--a handy item for when you drink so much, you forget what day it is


Call girl--‘call-girl--a woman who spends all her time on the phone


Camp stove--‘camp-stove--a stove you take camping; the drawback being they weigh a ton, and require a miles-long extension chord


Cannon fodder--can-non-fod-der--what the hell’s a fodder?  Whatever it is, it has something to do with a hollow, long tube, out of which comes a projectile


Can’t catch a break--‘can’t-catch-a-break--having no luck when you go break fishing


Cardboard--‘card-board--what your frozen pizza tastes like after you attempt to cook it while hammered


Carton--‘car-ton--the handy container your cigarettes come in



Cartwheel-‘cart-wheel-what you accidently do when you try to pass the sobriety test


Castle--‘cas-tle--a triple wide mobile home


Cattle call--‘catt-le-call--what you do when looking for lost livestock


Cauliflower--‘cal-i-flow-er--what do you?


Caviar--‘cav-i-ar--gross-tasting fish embryos


Cell burgers--what they serve you to eat in jail


Chain link fence--‘chain-link-fence--an impenetrable barrier for keeping creditors off your back; a perfect improvised bottle opener.  Simply insert bottle anywhere along fence, and twist.  Twisting will sheer (bust) off top of that 64 ounce bad boy that you bought to bring home, but you just can’t wait; you’re thirsty now


Cheeks--cheeks--face protrusions that hold in all the chewing tobacco you stuff into your mouth


Cheese Puffs--‘cheese-puffs--makes for good “I’m bombed, and hungry” snack food


Chewing tobacco--‘chew-ing-tob-bacc-o--tobacco product where it is essential user stuffs as much in their face as possible, (maybe more).  Also considered an aphrodisiac in many countries


Chow time--‘chow-time--what takes up you time between beer binges


Classy--‘cl-as-sy--has absolutely nothing to do with you


Clean--clean--the opposite of what your single wide is


Clean and jerk--‘clean-and-jerk--showering before masturbating


Cletus--‘Cle-tus--popular name for relatives (cousins, uncles, etc.)


Clock-clock--a device used for figuring out how much drinking time you have left before closing


Close shave--‘close-shave--the shave you get when you drunkenly stagger face-first into an oscillating fan




Coat hanger--‘coat-hang-er--a device used to unlock your 4x4 truck when you get wasted and accidently lock your keys inside


Code red--‘code-red--the code of the fire department when the respond to your house to douse the flames when you slightly misjudged how long it would take for dinner to cook


Coffee--‘cof-fee--nectar o’ the gods


Cold medicine--‘cold-medicine--what you take several of, and mix with a bunch of dark beers; the result is one hell of a buzz


College--‘col-lege--A big group of building that people like you pass by on your way to work the graveyard shift at “The Happy Reefer Shack”


Convenience store--con-‘ven-i-ence store--big building where a person can purchase staples of every day living (beer, chewing tobacco, corn dogs, hats with tractors on them, frozen burritos, etc;  often open 24 hours


Couch--couch--a place to sleep after your wife decides she’s had enough


Cousin--‘cous-in--eligible marriage material, or to date if you just want some fun


Cranium--‘cran-i-um--when your ium is way off the ground


Crime tape--‘crime-tape--what the police use to seal the doors of your 4X4


Crimson--‘crim-son--your face after the disappointment when you realize that the comment from the guy standing next to you, “nice a**!” was meant for the girl beside you


Crinkle cut--‘crin-kle-cut--the kind of frozen fries you stupidly buy after getting hammered and going shopping, You wanted the other kind


Cross action--‘cross -act-ion--looking to score off of a transvestite


Customized--‘cus-tom-ized--what your ordinary 4X4 will become when it’s turned into a monster truck, with flames painted on the side

Danger--‘dan-ger--what you’re in because you stuck a high-voltage power line down your pants, for some reason


Daydream--‘day-dream--that you are any different than the other 6.94 billion people


Daylight--‘day-light--what comes out of that fiery orb in the sky and blinds your eyes when you come to with a splitting headache after hoovering countless beers at a rundown dump of a tavern last night


Delight--‘de-light--what you say when you find the lamp


Democrat--‘dem-o-crat-- reprehensible bottom feeder; automatic no vote


Detour--‘de-tour--when you pay $5 to be shown around


Dewsy--‘dew-sy--what you get when you’re so drunk, you do a face-plant into a field on a chilly December morning


Dial--‘di-al--the knob on your AM radio that you turn until you’re listening to country music


Diarrhea--‘di-arh-rea--what comes out of your mouth when you say something stupid


Double yellow--‘dou-ble-yell-ow--the magnetic line on the highway that seems to attract your car tires when coming home from the tavern


Downspout--‘down-spout--a spout that’s seeing a psychiatrist


Dreadlocks--‘dread-locks--a crippling fear of being unable to find your keys

Dresser--‘dres-ser--a cabinet, usually made of wood, that holds your country music tee-shirts, your single pair of jeans that you hook your wallet on a chain to, your weekly supply of 2 pair of underwear (your vest hangs in the closet), and your pack of condoms, just in case you meet a girl at the tavern tonight who isn’t aware of your reputation (well deserved) as an absolute sex-crazed freak-a**, and you get lucky



Dung heap--‘dung-heap--a description of your house after hosting a Super Bowl party for relatives


Electrolytes--el-‘ec-tro-lytes--lighter than heavy electo's


Elevator--‘el-e-vat-or--We don’t know what it means, but there is no way yours goes to the top


End over end--‘end-ov-er-end--describes what your body does after you lose control of the motocross bike


Erosion--e-ros-ion--what happens to you judgment after

snorkling beer all evening


Excrement--‘ex-cre-ment--what your hopes and dreams turn into


Expiration date--‘ex-pir-a-tion-date--we’re not sure, but we think it has something to do with a date printed on food labels


Eye candy--‘eye-can-dy--when you’re such a pig, you miss your mouth


Fabric--‘fab-ric--what you snag on the wire fence of your neighbor’s, when you try sneaking in when it’s dark so you can spy on their hot daughter as she’s changing for cheerleader practice


Fanny pack--‘fanny-pack--when your girlfriend Fanny carries stuff


Feelings--‘feel-ings-what the male of the species don’t have a clue about


Fierce--fierce--word you use to describe an especially-tasty bowl of chili at “Sawed-Off Mama’s Bar and Grill”; IE, “That was one good bowl of chili; fierce!”


Firebrand--‘fire-brand--denotes which company marketed it


Fire extinguisher--‘fire-ex-ting-uish-er--the effect of alcohol on your love life


Fire goo--‘fire-goo--what you get any time you try to cook, anything


Fishing lure--‘fish-ing-lure--sticks of dynamite


Flaming surprise--‘flam-ing-sur-prise--what’s for dinner


Flimsy--‘flim-sy--describes the cardboard box that serves as your living quarters


Fog horn--‘fog-horn--horn you attach to your 4X4 and is activated by depressing a button on your key chain when you’re too blotto to remember where you parked


Force feed--‘force-feed--when food is thrown at you with incredible velocity


Forest--‘for-est--the thing that prevents you from seeing the trees


Four-by-four--‘four-by-four--a manly vehicle for men, as well as women who chew, that allows for plenty of drunken mistakes.  Also serves as a handy place to pass out, when you just can’t make it home


Four door--‘four-door--a more comfortable car for living in than a 2-door

Frown--frown--what others do when they see you


Frozen Burrito--‘fro-zen burr-it-o--a good stand-by to eat for the person who gets so drunk, they shouldn’t be anywhere around something that glows orange and heats things up (stove)


Funnel-‘funn-el--a device used to drink beer faster


Furtive glance--‘fur-tive-glance--when you’re out hunting beaver, and you see movement out of the corner of your eye


© Copyright 2018 Mike S.. All rights reserved.

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