American In-Breeder Dictionary: G-P

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
More Yee-Haw!

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A

A A A


Garden Hose--‘gar-den-hose--what you cut up to hook to the funnel

 

Gawking--‘gawk-ing--what you do when you notice a hot blond with a nice rack

 

Germinate--‘germ-in-ate--when Nate gets ill

 

Golfing--‘golf-ing--a good excuse to get away from the wife so you can snorkel beer

 

Goof--goof--what others see when they see you

 

Grass--grass--what absorbs most of the impact of your falling drunk body, after arriving home at 2.15 in the morning

 

Grazing--‘graz-ing--what you’ll have to do if you get bombed, fall down face-first into a farmer’s field, and decide you’re hungry for a snack

 

 

Gripe--gripe--what you do every time something doesn’t go your wa--err--every time

 

Gruel--‘gru-el--big bowl of s**t that they serve you for dinner, right before you pass out on the cold, hard, unforgiving concrete of the cell floor

 

Gun-rack--‘gun-rack--a rack for holding your 6 shotguns, as well serving as a coat rack for your sleeveless coat (vest)

 

Hack saw--‘hack-saw--a saw for use when angry

 

Hail--hail--what your friend Jimmy Joe does to you from one of several taverns

 

 

Hairball--‘hair-ball--what the ball in head tennis is made from

 

Hair care products--‘hair-care-prod-ucts--why do you need this definition, cue-ball?

 

Hair raising--‘hair-rai-sing--when you have a crane hooked to your head

 

Half-baked--‘half-baked--like we already admitted, we forget what baked means, but we remember what half means

 

Half rack--‘half-rack--a good fall back position when you can’t scrounge enough spare change from beneath your couch cushions to buy a whole case

 

Hammer--‘ham-mer--what you use on the bastard’s windshield under cover of night because you’re a quaker

 

Hammer time--‘ham-mer-time--as soon as you get off work

 

Happy--‘hap-py--how you feel when you find a beer behind a jar of mustard

 

Heave--heave--the act of clearing room for more beer

 

Hey baby!--‘Hey-baby!--what you scream at the top of your lungs from across the room, when you see someone you’re attracted to and want their attention

 

Hollow point--‘holl-ow-point--when you point at something, but your heart just isn’t in it

 

Hoodwink--‘hood-wink--when you deceive a criminal

 

Horn dog--‘horn-dog--a dog with a pointed protrusion sticking out of its forehead

 

Hound dawwge--‘hound-dawwge--a term of endearment

 

Inflatable--in-‘flat-able--your new mate

 

Independent--‘in-de-pend-ent--republican who’s all mixed up

 

Intelligence--in-‘tell-i-gence--we have to admit, we have no clue

 

Jail--jail--what your house will become for you after your angry wife catches you and uses her weapon of choice

 

Javelin--‘jav-e-lin--when you give your friend Lin a cup of coffee

 

Jerky--‘jerk-y--description of the way your neighbor drives home after drinking at a tavern until 2am

 

Johnson--what you take out and wave at the cop when you’re pulled over one night after leaving the tavern

 

Jumper cables--‘jum-per-ca-bles--cables, that when properly secured, make it impossible for high school track stars to even get off the ground; often used by opponents

 

Kryptonite--krypt-o-nite--a night when you pass out in the local cemetery

 

Lactose--‘lack-tose--when you’re missing a tose

 

Lampshade--‘lamp-shade--what you wear on your head at parties

 

Laser--‘la-ser--what the revolving lights of that police car look like in your rearview mirror after getting pulled over on your way home from the tavern

 

License--‘li-cense--a totally-unnecessary, frivolous waste of time designed to make lawyers happy

 

Limit--‘lim-it--an imaginary barrier to your having fun

 

Living hell--‘liv-ing-hell--what you life become when Uncle Wally and Aunt Jean come to stay with you, indefinitely

 

Loser-‘Lo-ser--self-description

 

Lucky charm--‘luck-y-charm--baseball hat with a chewing tobacco company on it, that you always wear fishing

 

Lust--lust--something you’ll never feel again, Shrivel-King

 

Meat packing plant--‘meat-pack-ing-plant--a plant sporting a huge wang

 

Melting pot--mel-ting-pot--top-of-the-line marijuana that causes the user to think their face is actually melting

 

Mouth mush--‘mouth-mush--what that 3 pound wad of chewing tobacco becomes after about 3 hours in your face

 

Mulch-mulch--what you eat when you get bombed and fall down face-first into your neighbor’s yard

 

Naked--‘na-ked--describes your state when your friends lock you outside while playing strip poker and drinking at your friend Sven’s house

 

NASCAR--‘NAS-CAR--we’re not sure what it means, but it must be something important because it’s all in capital letters

 

Never--‘nev-er--the day you’re judged to have a clue, about anything!

 

Nice rack!--‘nice-rack!--complementary words when a friend buys a particularly-nice wine rack

 

Nightshade--‘night-shade--what you wear over your eyes because you have a massive hangover

 

No-win situation--‘no-win-sit-u-a-tion--every situation for you

 

Nuclear--‘nu-cle-ar--a nuc you can see through

 

Numb skull--‘numb-skull--the result of being hit over the head with the purse of an attractive woman with no sense of humor

 

Ook--ook--a mythical beast with fangs, sharp talons, and a taste for American beer

 

Pachyderm--‘pack-a-derm--when you decide to take a derm on your camping trip

 

Parachute--‘par-a-chute--what fails  to open, but makes a cool-looking streamer until you hit the ground

 

Parasites--‘par-a-sites--two sites

 

Party Favor--‘par-ty-fav-or--asking your friends to please hold something, in honor of your finally getting a job

 

Pathway--‘path-way--how a path acts

 

Petrified--‘Pet-ri-fied--describes your underwear

 

Phone sex--‘phone-sex--the thing you enjoy, but would enjoy more if the receiver didn’t keep getting snagged in your zipper

 

Pins and needles--‘pins-and-ned-dles--what you’re on after your wife gets mad at you for not reading her mind, and threatening to withhold sex from you

 

Pinwheel--‘pin-wheel--what your hapless body does after you attempt to use a ski jump

 

Piper-‘pip-er--what you call a big-a** dude carrying a pipe

 

Plagiarism--‘plagiar-ism--pagiarism with an L added

 

Poaching--‘poach-ing--a good way to acquire dinner

 

Poleax--‘pole-ax--an axe that crosses into the Arctic

 

Poolside--‘pool-side--when you ralph next to your sleeping bag, where you’re trying to sleep after downing a s**t-load of beer

 

Pork rinds--‘pork-rinds--staple food of your diet, made from the rinds of pigs

 

Possum squares--‘pos-sum-squares--fancy dessert prepared from road-kill

 

Potato--po-‘tat-o--what men stuff in their pants to appear larger; note: should go in the front

 

Potty trained--‘pot-ty-trained--what you should already be when you’re 37

 

Powder--‘pow-der--when you punch someone, and have no memory of having done it

 

Pressure--‘press-ure--trying to make this dictionary somewhat humorous

 

Pretty messed up--‘pretty-messed-up--a very happy mess who’s beautiful

 

Prison--‘pri-son--big building with bars where you spend most of your nights

 

Prissy--‘pris-sy--how you look dancing

 

Produce--‘pro-duce--what you scrounge (hopefully rotten) through the dumpster looking for, so you can heave it off the freeway overpass at vehicles

 

Pronger--‘prong-er--a derogatory slur that you use on that bastard who cut in front of you at the supermarket check-out register

 

Push comes to shove--‘push-comes-to-shove--what happens every holiday spent with relatives

 


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