American In-Breeder Dictionary: Q-Z

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The last yee-haw!

Submitted: August 30, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 30, 2016

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Quaker--‘quak-er--what you turn into when threatened with any kind of physical violence

 

Racing car--‘racing car--used as a sporting device in you and your date (cousin)’s favorite sport

 

Rancid--‘ran-cid--describes most of the items in your refrigerator

 

Razor wire--‘ra-zor-wire--what you scale in the dark of night, into the local cemetery, so you can have somewhere safe and quiet to guzzle the 6-pack you swiped from your old man

 

Rebel--‘reb-el--what you are when you go to a different mini market to buy your beer and cigarettes

 

Red light district--‘red-light-dis-trict--the district you get when all the regular lights are sold out

 

Republican--re-pub-li-can--the only politician who’s not full of s**t, automatic vote

 

Rocket--‘rock-et--what you do to your front window when you’ve been at the tavern, and forgotten your house key on the kitchen counter

 

Roll--roll--what you come to the end of, so you have to use your shirt

 

Sacrilege--‘sac-ril-ege--how your ledge comes

 

Sailing--‘sai-ling--what you do when you fall overboard

 

 

Sanskrit--‘sand-skrit--mixed with water to make skrit cement

 

Say-la-vie--‘say-la-vie--a fancy way of saying, “Get lost, you sack of s**t!”

 

Scab--scab--what you are constantly picking off your legs, because you get so hammered, you forget how to walk and keep slamming into the coffee table with your shins

 

Scarf--scarf--a piece of cloth that helps you stay warm; or what you do to that plate of Aunt Jane’s brownies

 

Seatbelt--‘seat-belt--a hassle that always seems to catch on your case of beer, so you took yours out

 

Severance pay--sev-er-ance-pay--The cash payment you get when you’re s**t-canned for drag-racing your forklift in The Crystal Glass Factory

 

Shatter--‘shat-ter--what your blackened, rotten teeth do when trying to chew yet-another piece of hard candy

 

Shee!--shee!--an expression of disgust--IE--“What ya mean I can’t borrow the 4x4 tonight?  Shee!”

 

Shell game--‘shell-game--a game you play while filling up your vehicle

 

Sixty seven mustang--‘six-ty-se-ven-mus-tang--the car on the car lot you wish you owned everyday on you way by in your beater car with 3 missing hubcaps, on your way into your job cleaning toilets


Ski jump--‘ski-jump--what you sail off, land hard, and rack your nuts

 

Sleep deprived--‘sleep-de-prived--me, right now

 

Slime ball--‘slime-ball--what you get when you’re playing catch, and your baseball lands in an open sewer

 

 

Slim Jim--‘Slim-Jim--describes your drinking buddy

 

Slop--slop--what happens to that bowl of beef stew that you tried to eat after 12 beers

 

Smile--smile--the length of a very long S

 

Smoldering--‘smold-er-ing--the remains of your house after you torch it for the insurance money

 

Soap--soap--a bar-shaped cleaning product that should be used at least once a week

 

Soap sucker--‘soap-suc-ker--what you become when using coarse language in front of your mother

 

 

 

socks--what stand up by themselves, and you tell visitors that they’re some new-age sculptures you’ve been working on

 

 

Spatula--‘spat-u-la--an argumentative ula

 

Spayed and neutered--spayed-and-neuter-ed--what you should have done to your pets, but it’s so much easier to give the babies away, or dump them far away from your house

 

Spectacles--‘spec-ta-cles--what you and your friend make of yourselves out drinking

 

Spell check--‘spell-check--what you get for winning a writing contest for a piece having to do with good spelling

 

 

Spinning wheel--‘spin-ning-wheel--gymnastics for drunk people

 

 

Spore--spore--what pore becomes when an S is added

 

Sprinkler--‘sprink-ler--the thing that wakes you up after passing out

 

Squash--squash--yellowish runny lump of s**t that you mom makes you eat; sure path to heave-dom

 

Stapler--sta-pl-er--what guys use to hem up their jeans when they’re way too long

 

Stop sign--‘stop-sign--that thing you blow right through while driving your 4X4 truck

 

Sublime--‘sub-lime--a piece of fruit underwater

 

Sunny slope--‘sun-ny-slope--your forehead on a clear day

 

Swing and a miss--‘swing-and-a-miss--what you shout drunkenly to the bartender when an attractive women shoots you down

 

Swing set--‘swing-set--what you swing on and jump off of when the swing’s at its apex, in the dark, because you’re too soused

 

Succotash--‘succ-o-tash--what you hope to happens on your date with Miss Tash

 

Tarter--‘tar-ter--the 3 inch thick crust on your teeth

 

Tattoo--tat-‘too--a marker (often a naked lady) for being super-intelligent that will never come off, even when you’re so old and shriveled that the lady’s breast resemble skin pendulums

 

The north forty--the ‘north-forty--phrase often used by people to describe their back yard

 

Time bomb--‘time-bomb--you heart when you hoover cheeseburger’s every night

 

Time off--‘time-off--a broken clock

 

Tire gauge--‘tire-gauge--when you stare at the tread on your 4x4 truck tires, and decide you’ve still got awhile before you need new ones; you’re good for a few more cases of beer

 

Tire iron--‘tire-i-ron--used to even the odds when you get into an altercation with a big dude at a tavern

 

 

Toasted wheat--‘toast-ed-wheat--the result of getting bombed and playing a game of “Towering Inferno” in his wheat field, using a can of gasoline and matches

 

Tool--tool--what the teenagers in that passing car scream that you are

 

Toothbrush--‘tooth-brush--a hand-held device used for removing grout on the hard-to-reach areas of freshly-poured concrete.  Only-known use for this device

 

 

Tooth decay--‘tooth-de-cay--a way of defining who you are

 

Torch--torch--what the comic at a nightclub will do to your face

 

Tough--tough--just take a look at your limp wrists, and you tell us

 

Trash--trash--what you let pile up in your single wide until there’s no more room for the black and white T.V., and you can’t watch pro wrestling

 

Transom--trans-om--the make of a famous car

 

Treason--‘trea-son--a sapling next to a full-grown tree

 

Tremendous--tre-mend-ous--a much-too-long word for you to use

 

Vest--vest--a sleeveless coat with pockets which allows the wearer to stuff extra beers in the pockets, and serve as his or her own bag

 

Video tape--‘vid-e-o-tape--what the police use against you at your trial for erratically driving home in your 4X4, surrounded by a mountain of beer cans

 

Vomit--‘vom-it--what others do after they see you and frown

 

Wasteland--‘waste-land--whatever county your fat a** is in

 

Watch--watch--the thing on your wrist that you keep glancing at to see if you have enough time to drink one more beer before heading home

 

Waver--‘wav-er--a surfing person

 

Weed wacker--‘weed-wack-er--using a sharp object to harvest your crop

 

What up?--‘what-up--what to say to someone when you’re really no interested, but don’t want to appear rude

 

Why now?--‘why-now?--how it sounds when a person with a speech impediment sees a guy on a park bench askes,“Wino?”

 

Wind--wind--a mysterious force, that when it’s too hot, makes you sweat, and when it’s too cold, is a real nut-shriveller

 

Wing--wing--when produce is thrown off of a highway overpass at vehicles travelling below with great force

Writer’s block--‘writ-er’s-block--what we’re experiencing currently

 

Yall get--yall-‘get--a term used to drive off unwanted visitors

 

Ye-haw!--‘ye-haw!--an expression of joy--IE--“We got us some more cigarettes and beer, ye-haw!”

 

Zodiac--‘zo-di-ac--absolutely-true  prophesies based on the position of the shredded wheat in your cereal bowl

 

Zook-a mythical beast with fangs, sharp talons, a taste for American beer, and who upchucks in a bag

 


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