Where no one else should have to go

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Survivor of suicide attempt.

Submitted: September 04, 2016

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Submitted: September 04, 2016

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It was just a yr ago I tried 2 take my own life early n the am, at home n that damn bathroom. I can't even begin 2 describe my horror when Dave came home from work mid-morning, woke me up hastily & yelled "WE R OVER! His face was so red. It was tense & n huge contrast 2" typical Dave". He was unwavering & immovable. I was begging him... pleading w/ him not 2 do this while my mind tried 2 grasp what a life w/o Dave would look like.

I hit rock bottom so fast & w/ such force, speechless does not even touch it. It's like getting the shit knocked out of u x's 100. Where my mind went, no 1 should ever have 2 go. It was the loneliest dispair I've ever felt; void of the presence of God. My life seemed completely wasted & destroyed; not @ all worth me taking another breath or using up precious space on Earth.

There were demons beside me & all around me n the bathroom, fighting 4 their chance 2 taste my sweet soul. They were mocking Jesus Christ when their grip was tight on me & pulling me down, down, down 2 somewhere where no1 should ever have 2 go.

I remember during that dazed & drugged suicide, I pleaded w/ God for my eternity & then it slipped away. Everything did. There were only faint noises, lights & smells. The last thing I remember was thinking, "I hope Dave will know now that my love for him was real. I hope he remembers me every now & then & God forgive me!" It's interesting what our subconscious chooses to lock away n the deep recesses of our mind?

Those demons r still following me around. I'm oppressed w/ mental illness & addiction bc of them. I can still hear them, 2. They sound raspy & it's pure, outright evil. They're so wretched! I still can't watch movies about the demonic realm bc Satan's Lore almost had their way w/ me! It gives me chills how real & authentic it still is 2 me.

It was just a yr ago & I can't ever go back 2 where no1 should ever have 2 go. •••


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