Awake

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  No Houses
I'm awake late tonight (probably due to napping). Thoughts are chasing me down rabbit holes- I need to write out or never sleep tonight.

Submitted: September 06, 2016

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Submitted: September 06, 2016

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I am scared. 

Not of what,

but of whom. 

 

My fear and I are together.

Almost inseparable.

Together almost every second.

 

I choke on my fears.

Unsettled and unseen they lurk.

The burden settles.

 

I curl and bend under the weight.

Terrified of losing love,

but fighting to run.

 

I am scared of me.

Me, myself, and I.

I am my worst fear.

 

i am my worst enemy.

Thoughts chide me.

I regret and I wonder.

 

When can I stop this?

I am tormented.

I cannot let go.

 

Inprisoned.

Irrelevant.

irreversible.

 

My heart races.

I think of all,

all that cannot be undone.

 

Banished thoughts return.

Boys filter in.

Bad and good memories play.

 

I am fearful.

Not fearless.

I do not feel strong.

 

I feel used,

Scarred.

Worthless.

 

The boys have used,

The boys have scarred. 

The boys created worthlessness. 

 

I am small. 

I am passive. 

I am torn. 

 

I want to run,

I want to stay,

I want to love. 

 

In my heart I want to fix,

Alas, panic returns. 

I picture my abusers. 

 

I am more. 

I can only get by. 

Eventually, I can get over it. 

 

I will overcome. 

I will love like no other. 

I will taste freedom soon. 

 

Certain cars I see,

Won't be associated,

With fear in time. 

 

I will be more, 

One day,

I pray. 


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