I remember when

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
My personal journey with living with migraines in my life.

Submitted: September 07, 2016

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Submitted: September 07, 2016

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I Remember When
I remember when I was little, I had a premonition . I didn't know at the time what this was. I saw myself older, holding my head. I was in pain( I had no idea why), and people were asking me if I was okay. I pictured different people, different times asking me," are you okay?" I just know, I was responding," oh, my head."
Years later, I look back to that time. Age 6, I was. Wondering, why? Was it real. Did I have a premonition about my health? That's strange. 
Well I did. I recall where I was, where we lived., and my surroundings. I even recall seeing my mama in the kitchen cooking dinner in our old country home. I had a big bedroom and use to set up my dolls and pretend I was the teacher. I'd ask mama for an old TV guide, and take pages out, passing them out to each doll like they were real live students, and then grading them with a Red pen! Makes me smile now to think about those days!
I can only say, I have some spiritual insight or somethings I can't explain. I still have premonitions, not very often, but I do.  I remember a few times, at least 4, I can recall, I've felt that a person I see will be gone or I'll never see them again. I have the feeling they will pass on. I don't say anything and it doesn't make me feel weird. I just have that feeling.
I remember when I was young and we moved a lot. My mom and dad would split up and get back together, a lot. So much that we moved in with my grandma, and to new apartment or homes several times. Only for her to take him back and we'd move back home and pick up where we were. Go back to school, and kids would say," oh I thought you moved?" Oh yes, and now I'm back, again.
I remember when, I stayed busy with school activities. I was in student council, and I was able to decorate for school dances, and stay after school. I always got to take my record collection, and be in charge of music. Junior high and my freshmen year were great! I even got eighth grade queen at the "Spring Dance" and ninth grade homecoming attendant. I got to ride in the parade with the boy freshmen year that was the male attendant, and we rode in his fathers Cadillac convertible! Fun, waving to everyone. It was great. 
I was in most sports. Track, basketball(1 year) cross country, softball in the summer at least one year. I rode my bike a lot. I I remember when I would spend the night with girlfriends, loved those sleepovers!
One friend of mine( Angie) had a moped so she hauled me in the back. I loved it. We'd ride to the park and take our tennis rackets and go play tennis. 
Another friend of mine Julie( we called her Jules) I remember her family, and I spent many days with her. We played softball together, basketball, and I went to her church on occasion. 
I remember when having cookouts at her home after church in the summer was so much fun! Although one time, the reverend offered to drive me home, since it was only a few miles away. He was putting his hand in my leg and rubbing it on the way to my house. I knew it was wrong. I was 13! I looked 18. But I only told my friend Jules. She said she wasn't surprised. That's all I remember. I look back now, and think " what a creep!" Some preacher, heh?
I remember when I had my daughter and was so happy for the first time in my life! I had a baby girl! A beautiful person that would be with me forever! What a beautiful feeling that was. I remember when this was the happiest and best time in my life! 
Then, I went through, 3 bad marriages! 
My first signs of migraines and headache were in my 20's after I had my daughter. Besides a hangover, I had the occasional headache with menstrual periods. 
Then at age 26 the migraines became worse. Then 27, I was in college, preparing for a new start. But studying and school was hard some days when I got migraines. I was persistent. I wanted to better myself not only for my self worth, but for my child. She needed nice things too. I wanted to afford the things she needed.
I got a job at a big hospital that was paying very good money. The drive was an hour to and from but I didn't care. I was happy to have a job. I was use to driving that far to school anyways. I finally got to dress up and have a career. I had a real job! I was somebody! I felt like I accomplished a big thing by finishing college. I'd always regretted not finishing high school and just getting my GED. But now I look back and know, I did what I needed to do at the time.
I have no regrets, except dealing with the bad behavior from the spouses that were terrible to me. All I wanted was to be loved! I suppose I loved too much. Trusted too much. Gave too much. And, I certainly let myself hurt too much! 
I guess I knew, and saw that the second, and the third we're doomed and it wasn't going to work. But my second husband had a big hold on my heart. My passion and love was very strong for him. Too strong! My third was not. It was financial issues, and I had no where to go, and I was waiting for God to show me a way out. I was trying to keep my vows. I wanted to obey God and not let him down. But I just felt that I couldn't do this and why would he want me to live this way?

My migraines were bad, my overall health was not the best. I had Fibromyalgia, and I had several shoulder surgeries.  I had to stop working in June of 2007 and I had a migraine everyday! I couldn't continue answering phones. Talking on the phone to patients or insurance companies. It was impossible with the pain I was having.

Then we had a car accident in 2013! My ex was driving, while my niece and nephew rode in the back. It was a holiday weekend, and they were staying the weekend with me! My car was totaled. The car hit my side very hard! The driver ran a stop sign and was definitely and admittedly at fault! It took a few years to get a settlement for my personal injuries. But I was the only one in the car who was 

hurt. My back and neck are never going to be the same. I did have surgery on my neck. After the wreck, I was told my disc was completely gone on my c5 c6 disc and it was bone on bone. I thought maybe this would help my migraines. Just maybe.the Orthopedic Doctor said so also.  It did not. Again, I was in pain, neck was alittle better. Now it's back to aching, sore, stiff, and just hurts a lot. Especially with migraines, and even after.
I decided to go on a dating site and search for a date. I met my husband. Our first date. I knew he was the man I wanted to be with. He was quiet, reserved, and different than other man I had dated in the past. That's why I was drawn to him. I decided he was a good guy! Today I am very happily married. He's very understanding about the migraines, and has been all along. He's caring, and let's me lay down and ask me if I need anything. He checks on me often when I'm lying in my dark cave of a bedroom, where I wonder why I have to live this way. 

I still get migraines. I sure wish, there was s cure, a magic pill, but there's not so far!

So I continue to live day to day not knowing when the next migraine will hit, or sneak up on me like a beast ready to pounce on its helpless victim. I never know when I'll have to cancel an appointment or a family function I have planned. This is my life. I don't know why or how to go on some days, but I just take a deep breath and say, " Thank you Lord!" I'm here. And I have a wonderful family., a loving husband, and the best life that I know how to live with Migraines.


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