The Coolidge Chronicles Reanimation Part/Chapter 3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Calvin encounters Randy Handsom, again.

Submitted: September 09, 2016

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Submitted: September 09, 2016

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Chapter 3: Sup Man?

  • Winning in a lose-lose situation
  • Crossing your legs whilst on a chair
  • Uncomfortably loud music
  • Ankles
  • Not shaving
  • Saying “my man” after something
  • Shoes that look like they belong on elves
  • Not liking someone you work with 
  • Coming in unprepared
  • Really comfortable shoes
  • Reading and writing between the lines
  • Unreliable signs
  • Blasting ZONES
  • Being explosive
  • Foot casts
  • Leather
  • The after effects of medieval drugs
  • Not paying attention whilst texting
  • Figure 8s
  • Relying on technology
  • Not getting the joke
  • Disorganizing your thoughts
  • Banana Hammocks
  • Fridays
  • Pretending to have interest in something
  • Being a pest
  • Wearing nice clothes to a not-so-nice place
  • Getting so angry you stop making sense, and start getting real
  • Being white and saying “homie”
  • A seat still being warm from the person before you sitting in it
  • Being too nice
  • Not being nice enough
  • Twitches
  • Quick ideas (that are usually bad)
  • Not getting the reaction you would like
  • Being laid back
  • Doing things from memory
  • Headbands
  • Knowing you’re being watched and being OK with that
  • Following the rules to a fault
  • Optical illusions
  • Glare
  • Not being able to charge your phone completely
  • Cords that get tangled on random shit
  • Not so astute observations
  • Helping yourself help yourself
  • Same shit just a different story - Seeing Randy for a second time
  • Calling your own bluff
  • Needing better equipment
  • Knowing the plan before it goes horribly wrong
  • Things not being as long as you once thought they were
  • Inmates running the asylum
  • NOOOOOOOOOOO/Being in the moment
  • Feeling someone else’s pain/Being possessive

 

 

Calvin awoke from a strange dream. Calvin wasn’t completely sure what it was about but it had something to do with ankles. Don’t ask. Calvin got out of bed and started his morning routine. Calvin began by not shaving. Calvin grabbed a quick bite to eat and proceeded with the rest of his day. 

He had received some information on a possible lead to Gary Blatzer from Kruger Dieselhammer. Before Calvin left his safe house, he put on a superbly comfortable pair of shoes. These shoes were so comfortable they almost detract from this story. Like shit, these shoes were DA bomb, my man!!!! After several more comments about his shoes that were left out of this story, Calvin continued with his lead on Gary Blatzer.

Calvin went out into his vehicle and started towards a point marked by Kruger on Calvin’s map. Calvin hoped it wasn’t another bunker. Calvin anticipated that Gary anticipated Kurger’s betrayal so this plan was good now but probs was going to go terribly wrong.

As Calvin was following the route he had planned he noticed that he would eventually have to get out of his car to reach his destination on foot. As Calvin drove he started to turn off of the main roads, onto dirt ones, until he couldn’t maneuver his car any farther. 

Calvin found himself in the middle of a forest. Calvin thought once again that he better not be headed towards another fucking bunker. Calvin tracked on further into the forest, still thinking that he was eventually going to run into a bunker, which would invoke a rage he reserved solely for cats and their treacherous ways. 

Calvin could vaguely tell that he was getting close to his objective based on his map. Calvin took a few paces more and saw a building faintly in the distance, through the trees that lined the forest. Calvin moved towards the building becoming more and more assured he wasn’t approaching a bunker. Calvin moved around the building before entering, trying to see if any traps were laid for him. Calvin surmised that the building was an abandoned library. 

Calvin cautiously entered the building. Once inside Calvin noticed he was neither in a bunker or a library but in a recently abandoned movie theater. Calvin hoped that his observations would become more astute for the rest of the story. They would. 

Calvin could smell the residual aroma of popcorn. He could also feel the heat from where people had been sitting. This meant one thing: Due to the theater’s inaccessible location by driving and seat warmth, someone was still in the building and possibly eating popcorn, homie. Calvin could tell why the theater had been abandoned. He saw only movie posters for shitty rom-coms and girly TV shows on the walls. 

Calvin assumed he was being watched, but he was OK with that. Calvin marched through the theater going from one room to another. Calvin wasn’t sure if this was a weird joke of Kruger’s because if it was he wasn’t getting it. If Calvin were to be ambushed he was woefully unprepared. The only weapon Calvin brought with him was a revolver loaded with silver bullets. You never know, anyone could be a werewolf. 

At that instant, Calvin heard a noise come from one of this theaters down the hall. Calvin pretended to show interest in the sounds, knowing he was still being watched. Calvin moved with subtle caution towards the theater. Once inside Calvin could see the screen was illuminating the room. On the screen were printed three words: HAVE A SEAT. So Calvin did. 

Calvin had an idea of who was in charge of this theater based on the movie posters, but he wanted to make himself certain before continuing. Calvin watched as the screen shifted from the static one had seen as he entered. Calvin waited for the screen to change into something interesting. As he waited, Calvin crossed his legs. Clavin then heard a strange sound emanating for the ceiling. 

A cowardly voice bellowed from the seldom used speakers. Calvin couldn’t make out what the voice was saying over the static and lack of tuning the PA had received. Calvin could read in between the lines and realize this was a poor attempt to disorient Calvin. Calvin got up from his chair and walked out of the theater. Staying within the theater would play into the voice’s plans and would allow him to pester Calvin into mistakes he usually wouldn’t make. 

As Calvin walked towards the lobby, with the intention of finding the source of the voice, he spotted a few armed men. Calvin hid behind a move poster and shouted “You guys here to see the Banana Hammocks or Figure 8 Fridays?!” Their response was to unholster their guns and move towards Calvin’s position.

The armed men could not pinpoint where exactly Calvin was. There was and echo and the armed men had decided to make themselves some popcorn. Calvin used their ignorance to his advantage. He watched as the men fanned out to search the lobby of the abandoned movie theater. Calvin could see five men in total. Calvin could also see and hear the men relying on their equipment more than their instincts and natural abilities. 

Calvin inched out from behind the poster and moved behind the first armed individual. Calvin quietly broke his neck. Calvin paused to make sure the man didn’t transform in a lycanthropic-like fashion, because you never know anyone could be a werewolf. After disposing of the first man, Calvin moved to his next target. Two of the five men were walking next to one another. Calvin silently moved in between them and pulled the pin of each of one of the two men’s grenades. Calvin had decided that silent killing these fools was too nice. 

Calvin dashed behind a small, dividing wall to hide form the ensuing explosion. After a few seconds the afore mentioned explosion happened. There was no need to check these men for signs of werewolfism, they were real dead. Not only was Calvin a superior athlete but he just earned another reason why he could be described as explosive. After that lame joke Calvin continued towards the last two guards who undoubtedly didn’t like the other three men they worked with because they made no effort to come to their rescue. Calvin briefly mulled over the idea that maybe the two remaining guards were werewolves, whom are heartless by nature. Calvin stalked one of the final tow guards through the corridor that lead to the individual theaters. Calvin could see that this individual was far better dressed than his coworkers. Maybe he was the leader of this group of movie theater bandits. Calvin didn’t think so because he didn’t recognize the well dressed man with dress shoes that looked like they belonged on elves. Calvin closed in on the man, explosively. 

As Calvin got close the well dressed man turned around. The well dressed paused recognizing whom Calvin was. This gave Calvin the opportunity to unholster the well dressed man’s pistol and shoot him dead. The well dressed man’s pistol was silenced but the sound of Calvin’s shots still rang through the empty theater. 

Calvin heard the hurried footsteps of the final guard moving towards his location. Calvin moved into the nearest theater in hopes of gaining the element of surprise on the approaching guard. Calvin knew that the guard would be acting on impulse and bad quick ideas. 

Once the armed man was within the theater, Calvin jumped down for the highest row of seats onto the armed man. Calvin had positioned himself above the opening of where one walks first into a large theater. Calvin landed a kick so forceful on the man’s head it must have felt as if Calvin was wearing a cast on his foot. The armed man fell sharply onto the floor, obviously unconscious from Calvin’s attack. 

Calvin pulled out his revolver and shot the man in a not very nice fashion in the shin. The armed man jolted awake in obvious pain but no noticeable signs of werewolfism were present. Calvin put the armed man out of his misery with the rest of the bullets within his revolver. Calvin knew he could be more laid back now that the armed men were silenced and non-werewolves. Calvin, explosively, thought of his next move. 

Calvin figured that the man on the PA system was still in the building and hiding with the employee’s only part of the theater. Calvin didn’t know what or whom he was going to face within the deeper part of the theater, but he knew he needed better equipment. Calvin helped himself to some equipment and gear still left on the dead, armed men. 

After helping himself by helping himself he helped himself to some freshly made popcorn the armed men were about to eat. Calvin moved deeper into the more restricted parts of the theater. Calvin could see some hastily made traps lining the halls of the employee’s only area of the theater. The traps reminded Calvin more of cords that get caught on random things and less like traps.

Calvin continued to search the back hallways of the theater until he heard a sound. The sound sounded like the after effects of medieval drugs or uncomfortably loud music. Calvin approached the sound slowly. He could tell it was coming from a room with a poster on it that read: Blasting Zones: An Unreliable Signs Story. 

Calvin moved into the room to the right of the room with the loud noises. Calvin put his ear against the wall to try and hear if there was anyone within the room. Calvin thought he could hear someone texting in the other room, obviously not paying attention to anything Calvin was doing. 

Calvin grabbed a chair in the room he was in and placed it near the wall shared with room with the loud music. Calvin sat in the chair, leaned back with his legs curled up, and kick the wall down almost as if he had done it from memory. Calvin looked into the room and saw that a projector was facing towards the door of the room and it was playing something loud and with flashing lights. Calvin also saw a figure sitting behind the projector. 

Calvin surmised that if he had entered the room through the door and not through the wall, he would be blinded by the glare from the projector. The figure put down his phone and faced Calvin. As Calvin had thought based on the numerous movie posters that the man behind this operation was in fact, Randy Handsom.

Calvin muttered something about it being the same shit just in a different story. Randy said a joke that only he thought was funny, the punchline being “I guess the inmates are running the asylum now, huh?” Randy waited a few moments for Calvin to laugh at his joke, but realized he wasn’t going to get the reaction he wanted from Calvin. 

Calvin was not sure if Randy was actually Randy based on the way he was dressed. Randy had on tow headbands, who does that? He also had very baggy leather pants on as well. Before Calvin could make fun of something else Randy was wearing, he heard another voice coming from the theater below the room he was in. Calvin moved past the oddly dressed Randy in the room to see the actual Randy Handsom standing in the theater below holding a remote of some kind.  

Before Calvin could guess what was going on, Randy called his own bluff and told Calvin the figure in the projector room was an optical illusion. Randy mumbled something about following the instructions of the illusion projection device to a fault. Randy admitted to Calvin that he thought the illusion would last longer. 

Calvin could tell that Randy’s plans for escape had to be in the moment because of Calvin’s unexpected visit. Randy, in spit of his current situation, confidently threatened Calvin that he was going to die. Randy, assuming Calvin already knew more than he did, based on the fact he found the theater he was in, began warning Calvin with information he didn’t previously know. It was almost like Randy disorganizing his thoughts and Calvin kept winning in a lose-lose situation. Calvin could also tell that Randy was trying to grade Calvin into jumping down into the theater from the projection room. Calvin decided that was not a good idea until he was able to survey the theater longer. 

Calvin got the feeling like wasn’t able to fully charge his phone in this situation. After the author’s lame attempt at using a simile, Calvin saw something move within the theater. Randy hadn’t noticed the other being in the theater with him. Calvin kept talking to Randy to keep him from noticing the creature. 

The shape moved towards Randy stealthily. Once it neared Randy’s position, Calvin coulees what it was. The figure was a werewolf version of the well dressed man. Calvin hadn’t shot the well dressed man with his revolver containing silver bullets. The well dressed werewolf jumped on Randy and killed him. 

 

The End

 

  ZHS


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